Tomorrow signals the first time that both of the kids are going to the childminders for over four weeks. I don’t know if it’s because I know that they’re going, but suddenly the exhaustion has kicked in – a bit like when the weekend arrives and you relax and the whole weeks worth of tiredness catches up with you and sucker punches you into lethargy.
Much like when I became self employed a couple of years ago and the then 8 month old S progressively became a handful, the baby, now 10 months has really come into her element over the past four weeks. Two choking ‘incidents’, both of them on stickers… The first time it happened, S, now 32 months chose that exact moment to start badgering me with questions, ‘Mummy, mummy, what ya doing?’, ‘Mummy, can I have a biscuit?’, ‘Mom-mom, can I watch Charlie and Lola?’
Somehow I stayed calm as I didn’t want her to see my rising panic but my imagination was running wild with all sorts of scenarios. In the meantime, I had just managed to grab the end of the sticker when N jerked slightly and somehow swallowed it. The next time she choked (I’ve since thrown out S stickers…), I was spared the long gasping session and she threw up all over herself and me…
None of this compares with when I lost S in John Lewis toy department for what was probably less than 3 minutes but felt like an eternity. The staff there are brilliant and quickly rallied to get help and yet again, I was completely calm on the outside and filled with panic on the inside. I looked at the lift and wondered if she’d gone off in there – ‘OMG! She could be on f*cking Oxford Street right now!’ and then I wondered if she’d been grabbed by a lunatic.
‘Can you give me a description?’ a sales assistant asked.
‘Big head of hair, orange duffle coat, bright yellow Converse…’ and realised that anyone attempting to take my child was being brave with that outfit!
They’d told me to stay where I was so I kept pacing up and down the aisle. Next thing she came bounding over to me.
‘Mummmmm! Mummmmmmmmmmy! I’ve been playing with the toys!’
I’d never been so frickin’ relieved to see her and flung my arms around her. She was totally oblivious to my internal terror.
A customer came over to me. ‘I so admire you! I know you were scared but you kept so calm!’ and she patted my arm sympathetically and I of course started having a blub.
I called the boyf. ‘Jaysus….I bloody lost S in the toy department at John Lewis!’
Cue tumbleweeds.
‘You have got my child haven’t you?’ he said sounding like he said it through clenched teeth. Everyone who knows the boyf knows how laid back and unfazed he is, so I knew he must be cacking himself.
‘Do you really think I’d fecking call you if I hadn’t found her yet?’ and we both burst out laughing.
After them both being at home full time for four weeks (normally S is at childcare a few days a week), I realise it’s unrealistic of me to think I could run the business and have them both home with me full time too. It’s a nice dream but I did a fraction of my usual workload over the past month and my plans to become a more organised person clearly did not materialise. Half the time, the kids were fed and dressed whilst I was starving, looking rather dodgy and I struggled to keep my eyes open by the time darkness was upon us. They’re like a whiriwind of mess and it seems I have two headstrong divas on my hands – S sleeps in sunglasses and tiaras, N just howls in indignation or waves her hands in ‘flunkies come here’ motions when things don’t suit her.
I loved listening to the two of them howling with laughter at their in jokes. S says ‘whoops’ and they both fall around laughing. We’ve also played hide and seek a lot – S tends to hide where I hid last…
We had a blast and the kids despite them fighting over everything from pieces of paper to who gets to sit beside me or on me, they’re really becoming little pals. But I am looking forward to having some time to myself tomorrow. I won’t know what to do with myself! Oh that’s right…I have shedloads of work to do…
{ 2 comments }

It’s hardly top secret but ‘the boyf’ has that name for a reason – we’re not married. Now I know I used to be an unwitting commitment-phobe but really, I’m very much over that. There’s nothing dodgy about why we haven’t got married but between two kids in quick succession, moving, credit crunch, and me becoming self-employed a couple of years ago, I have to say, getting married hasn’t been high on the agenda. But sweet baby Jesus and the angels, people keep asking ‘So when are you getting married?’ and sometimes it really gets on my nerves.