Cast of Characters – Who’s Who

Love Interests – The Significants

The Boyf – My first proper boyfriend for almost three years! Met at a charity games night and became besotted on the first date. He’s 33 (4 years older than me), works in IT, has a scary penchant for cheesy music, likes the limelight as much as I do and we’re competitive over silly things like the Jawbreaker game. He’s the first guy I’ve ever gone out with who seems to accept me as I am and enjoy it and we’re very similar in a lot of ways putting us very in tune. He’s also the first guy I’ve gone out with that doesn’t have more baggage than an arrival terminal at Heathrow. Definitely a keeper!

The F*ckwit – Opinionated assclown doctor. A walking talking example of how clothes can disguise a fool until it opens its mouth. Great looking, shame about the verbal diarrhea and the worst BO in the world… After a couple of false starts we dated for a few weeks but it was long distance. I told him to beat it after he dared to lecture me on my disease and my choice to do acupuncture, not once, but twice. Oh and he's the only guy I ever dated that felt the need to reveal a crack and criminal family....

The Over-exuberant Puppy – We went out on a series of dates where he initially revealed that he still lived with his ex girlfriend. After a plausible story we continued to date but I had concerns about him being very quiet and shy, plus it took several dates for him to make a move. I made the mistake of inviting him back for dinner and he developed rogue willy syndrome and clambered all over me like an over-exhuberant puppy. I ended it pronto.

Dot Dot Dot Man – Formerly known as The Contender. He’s a friend of a friend and we got off to a brief flying start which seemed to have much promise. Unfortunately the live-in ex-girlfriend meant that he ran hot and cold. We edged around in nothingness for five months and then I amicably called it a day. We stayed friends and then he let Miss Brazil (a jealous female friend of his) be a total bitch to me on a night out. We’re still friends after clearing the air.

Male Best Friend (MBF) – Colleague and close friend (just about). Fell for him as soon as I started working at my current company almost three years ago but unfortunately he had a girlfriend. He eventually broke my heart spectacularly when it became apparent that we were never going to ‘be’ because of his ‘situation’. He’s still with the girlfriend and he makes bitchy comments about me and ‘the boyf’. Oh dear…

The Ex Fiance (Mr Brown Suit) – Pre blog days I was engaged for about 14 months of an 18 month relationship. I left him a year before I started the blog after we grew apart and had a series of spectacular fall outs. There have been a few occasions since starting the blog that we’ve bumped into each other or had some sort of ‘occurrence’ which have only sufficed to reaffirm that I made the right decision. Known by many of the readers as Mr Brown Suit as I mentioned that he wore brown from head to foot. We don’t talk and it’s not because of any particular reason, it’s just life.

The Colleagues

PDot & MSlash – Whitest black people I know…not! Fancy themselves as gangsta rappers. We talk in silly voices and PDot tortures me with his toilet routine. We also call ourselves the A Team on our bank of desks (I’m BA Baracus) and we argue over who will go on the tea run, every single day. Both of them ‘big up’ themselves constantly….

The Boss – Speaks for itself. The flat arsed one that I used to call a ‘vulture’ for his constant woman chasing. I take the piss out of him all day long and he (jokingly) threatens future promotions. Fond of showing us his ‘guns’ which are his ‘pecks’ on a night out.

David Brent X 1 Million – My old boss that works two floors above me. One of the people I adore most in the world…and also the most hilariously inappropriate. They should do a fly on the wall documentary as he’d put the Ricky Gervais character to shame.

Small Mad Girl – Fellow blogger and professional pregnant woman. Has this fantastic pregnancy chuckle and pregnancy run. Also a member of the A Team and not shy about telling it how it is. On maternity leave at the moment.

Tina Turner – We hurl abuse at each other all year long and she’s been mad at me for ages for saying that she wears growler grazers/fanny skimmers. She proudly flaunts big Tina hair and has a great body which she has no problem displaying for a night out…

AA – Used to be the guy I ‘managed’. Now he has been set free. Highly entertaining character who courts more disaster than Michael Barrymore.

Girth – One of my favourite colleagues from another team who is fantastically bitchy and sarcastic. He named himself Girth but I cannot vouch for the authenticity of his name. Looks like Ryan Giggs with a shaven head.

John – B’s boyfriend (see The Girls). I named him after his twin brother just to annoy him. We bicker like children and he’s a know-it-all that talks about the size of his willy all the time.

The Girls

M & MB – Made friends with them almost four years ago when I lived in their building with Mr Brownsuit. M is my cohort and dancing partner. We went to Egypt last year and cried with laughter for most of the holiday. She is the sensible one out of the group but quietly sarcastic. MB loves MJ and Hammertime moves as much as I do. Very loud and opinionated and great fun. They’re like the older sisters I never had.

B – Colleague and close friend from up t’North in Newcastle. We have consumed copious amounts of alcohol together and these days we take it in turns to accuse each other of neglect now that we are ‘settled’ with our respective boyfriends. B goes out with John who is also a colleague.

Nac – Best flat mate ever, also from up t’North in Hull. In her thirties but looks about 20. We laugh loud and wickedly together and say bad swear words to make ourselves feel better. One of my closest friends, we’ve stuck together through thick and thin.

The Family

Ma – My beloved mum who lives in Dublin. She’s me multiplied by a million with a more flighty temperament. Brilliant piss taker and often makes herself the subject of jokes inadvertently when she gets names mixed up or tries to use big words. Once described herself as Caucasian to a room full of white people in Dublin. Strong figure head of the family, we don’t always see eye to eye but have become much closer over the last few years.

The Bro – 18 months younger than me and I sometime forget that I’m the older one. Emotional, flighty character like my mother. Sharp, bitchy tongue and brilliant at piss taking. We were like twins when were little and whilst we are far more independent as adults, we remain close. He lives in London too and worksin fashion so he keeps me in free clothes. Hasn’t had a girlfriend for years but insists he wants to settle down.

The Boys – 16 and 20 year old bro’s that live in Dublin with ma. The twenty year old barely says two words to anyone and we all argue with him when we’re together. The 16 year old is everyone’s dote and he’s cheeky but a shy mummy’s boy. Used to have lots of time for me but I came home one day and found a teenager that hangs out with youths. I give him sex education advice when I see him and I worn both boys about girls who only want them for a brown baby.

The Dads – My birth father lives up in Wolverhampton where I don’t go for enough visits and he runs a pub where he warns fella’s to stay away from me. My step-dad, (my parents are divorcing) lives in China. Has a girlfriend who we refer to as the lady friend for the past five years.

Updated May 22nd

NML's Disease Sarcoidosis

I get quite a few emails asking me for more information about my illness and exactly what has happened to me, so I hope that I answer those questions here.

What is sarcoidosis?
"Sarcoidosis is also commonly known as just 'sarcoid'. In this condition areas of inflammation may appear anywhere around the body. The most commonly affected areas, however, are the lungs, skin, eyes and the lymph nodes. One area alone may be affected, or many at the same time.
Sarcoidosis is believed to be one of the autoimmune diseases where for an unknown reason the body attacks itself. Why this happens isn't clear, but infection often precedes the first signs of the disease.

Although it may occur at any age, young adults are far more likely to develop sarcoidosis. It sometimes runs in families and those of Afro-Caribbean descent are more likely to be affected."
Source: BBC.co.uk

How long have I been ill for?
I have been continuously ill for almost 3.5 years now (since the summer of 2002) but there apparently may have been indicators throughout my life. Thinking back to the fact that I had chicken pox for almost 2 months when I was 8, I think the writing was on the wall with this one! I have also had a lot of mystery ailments which could probably be explained away with my mystery disease.
How did I know that I was ill?

I had a mystery rash three years ago which covered my upper torso and was blamed on my immune system reacting badly to something as simple as a cold, but no further explanation given. Whilst going through a difficult time with my ex, I started to have night sweats, dizziness, nausea, terrible migraines, an aversion to the pill, really bad stomach aches, terrible fatigue. I broke up with the ex, graduated, went back to my old job, job hunted, started a new job, lived with my aunt for a month, flat hunted and then moved into my new place.

Within 2 months of the break up, my right eye flared up (red and sensitive to sunlight). I had over 15 flare ups and the doctors refused to take me seriously and told me it was a mild eye infection. By Christmas 2003 I could barely read a road sign or a tube map. I had another flare up 22/12/03 and was sent to the emergency eye hospital where I was diagnosed with uveitis (no explanation given so assumed it was an eye infection), given medication and sent on my way, having no clue of what was in front of me. I spent Christmas at home in Dublin with my family just staring at me as apparently I looked so ill and like I could barely see (I couldn't).

What are the official symptoms?
"Organs Involved, Effects and symptoms
Lungs/respiratory tract: Difficulty breathing, which may be severe enough to mimic asthma in up to 10% of patients. Nasal stuffiness
Lymphatic system: Enlarged lymph glands; usually non-tender. Rarely cause problems, unless they impinge on vital organs
Heart: Serious heart problems occur in 5-10% of patients, causing abnormal heart rhythms in half with cardiac sarcoidosis.
Congestive heart failure: causing shortness of breath, fluid retention, etc. Pericarditis (inflammation of the covering of the heart), causing chest pain
Skin: Skin problems occur in ~25% of patients. Vary from small discolouration's to raised nodules. 'Erythema nodosum' (raised, tender, red nodules) is the most common skin effect. Nodules may occur in scars and tattoos
Eyes: 25% of patients develop eye problems - 'Uveitis' is inflammation of part of the eye, resulting in blurred vision, avoidance of light and excessive tearing; it usually clears spontaneously in a year. Occasionally sarcoidosis of the eye causes blindness
Nervous system: Affected in 5% of patients. Facial palsy of one side of the face is the most common. Any part of the nervous system may be affected.
Kidneys and endocrine system: Granulomas rarely occur in the kidneys. However, kidneys may be affected by kidney stones/begin to fail, as a result of hypercalcaemia (excessive calcium in the blood) that occurs in sarcoidosis
Liver: Granulomas involve the liver in 40-70% of patients, causing liver enlargement in 25% of cases. However, liver failure is rare. "
Source: Medic8

How did you they diagnose me with sarcoidosis?
I started on a course of steroid eye drops in January 2004 and on one of my visits there were lots of doctors standing around oohing and aahing and I heard them mentioning the word 'attack'. 'What exactly is it that you're saying I have? Don't I have an eye infection?' to which my doctor answered 'You have uveitus. You're immune system is basically attacking your eyes because it thinks that your eyes are foreign bodies.' I had to leave as I felt like I wanted to be sick. I had blood tests which showed a high level of an enzyme and then they sent me for a chest xray. I was completely confused by this and that's when they explained the link between uveitus and sarcoidosis. The chest xray showed a hell of a lot of shadow in my chest and around my heart.

How did I end up on a year long course of steroids?
By the time I ended up on my steroids, my spleen was grossly enlarged, I'd had another attack of uveitus, I was extremely short of breath, I struggled to walk without being in pain, my body was covered in lumps and a particular lump on my back had left me in pain for 2 months but to name a few of my symptoms. My weight had plummeted even more and I was a very scrawny 6.5 stone (91 pounds).

Did the steroids help?
No disrespect to the makers of Prednisolone, because they did keep a lot of my symptoms at bay, but steroids don't resolve the issue, they just suppress it. My body became bloated with water and I also got a moon face. I have stretch marks all over me and I still had a lot of pain and a number of infections for which they didn't want me to take antibiotics for. My hair went really thin, then really thick, my joints were quite inflamed and I had a sore throat for 2 months. I finished the steroids in June and was quite ill initially but have settled down.

How do I feel now? (May 10, 2006)

I found a lump in my neck on my 28th birthday last year which explained the nagging pain I'd had for 10 days in my neck and shoulder. I found other lumps and I have struggled on and off to walk without pain. I've been told by friends that stay over that I react to pain in my sleep.

I do believe that the symptoms were bound to return to an extent once I finished the steroids and one way or another, I will get my immune system to rally. Going back on steroids, which is what the doctors said would happen if I was ill again, is not an option.

I started kinesiology and reflexology in August 2005 and the impact it had on my illness within days was scary. I started drinking two litres of water a day which stopped the pain in my joints within two or three days of me starting, plus I had a drastic change of diet. I don't drink alcohol, fizzy drinks, or eat chicken, pork, white bread, nuts and quite a few other things. This is not something I recommend for everyone as they are personally the things that put my immune system under stress due to an intolerance.

My company gave me a slightly shorter week for a couple of months as I really struggled with my energy levels but from December 2005, I decided to return to normal working hours. I returned to work in January 2006 after the Christmas and New Year and for some reason something had shifted and I didn't feel so tired and stressed out about work and started to feel normal again.

At the beginning of February 2006 I started acupuncture and the complete turnaround in my health is startling. I am now leading an almost normal life with weekly sessions of acupuncture where I have had needles in some very embarrassing places… Every single needle has been worth it because I have energy again, I can wake up without feeling like I have been run down by several buses despite 8 hours sleep, I LOOK healthy and even though I am black…the colour has returned to my skin! The inflammation is settling down, I can walk and do normal things without being in pain and I feel mentally and physically like a different person and no longer have that malaise where you constantly feel unwell.

What now for NML and sarcoidosis?
My illness or disease (my friends and family hate me calling it that) is quite 'mysterious' as they don't know what causes it and there isn't a cure and they seem to know very little about it. Did anybody know that one of my favourite comedians Bernie Mac has been hospitalised with my disease? Also Tisha Campbell-Martin from My Wife and Kids has it and I read recently that a famous American sports person called Reggie White died of it.

Because I go to work and grimace my way through the pain and do my best to get on with life, people take it for granted that I'm fine. If I had taken long term sick leave from work then I think people would understand more, but I refused to, as I believed that it wouldn't help me to get better.
I was petrified that I'd end up battling this illness for years and I don't want to be on steroids again, hence my foray into complimentary medicines like acupuncture and kinesiology as I don't believe in chucking medicine at things in the hope it will go away and not actually get to the root cause. I would also like to create more awareness about this ridiculously mysterious disease.

If anybody has any suggestions about alternative therapies or raising awareness, please email me or post a comment on a post.

Please note that whilst I have tried complimentary medicines they are the things that happen to be working for me and anyone suffering with this disease or anything similar should make the appropriate choices for them. I am not an alternative medicine evangelist!

Created May 10th 2006

About This Blog

Tired of Men…and other things that drive a twenty-something round the twist is the tale of a quirky Jamaican Chinese woman with a sometimes Irish accent, sometimes English accent, who has had more dodgy dates, boyfriends and chat-ups than she’s had hot dinners, often whilst tottering around on her beloved FMB's*. I write the blog because I'm fascinated by men and their entertaining and often bewildering quirks, plus I seem to have a lot of calamities and escapades that I wouldn't believe unless I wrote it down.

I juggle my bad taste with men, whilst living with a disease called sarcoidosis. At the time of writing this, I have had this inflammatory disease which affects my immune system and manifests itself in a variety of annoying ways throughout my body for almost 4 years. In August 2005, 2 months after coming off a year’s course of steroids and following that up with a flare up, I started doing kinesiology and then followed that up with acupuncture in February 2006 which has totally turned my illness around and given me a new lease of life and I have gone into remission. The blog has provided an outlet for highlighting my disease and also has brought me in contact with many other sufferers.

I also like to generally take the piss out of life, colleagues, stinking London commuters and my beloved friends and family and one day when I look back on this, I'll probably wonder why I haven't been locked away…

What makes someone start a blog? In my case, I read an article about blogging several months before I started up, filed it away for future reference and then forgot about it, till I went on yet another bad date with a Mr Nice Guy (otherwise known as PC Plod) who left me confused about dating and relationships as I stifled yawns and did almost all of the talking for the date. I woke up early the following morning and I felt compelled to start telling my tale. As I typed away I felt much better as I wrote down the hilarities of offending PC Plod with my piss-taking antics and explored my exasperation with the general female allergy to liking ‘Nice Guy’s’.

Prior to starting my blog, I had a chequered love life which consisted of a few dodgy boyfriends, multiple dodgy chat-ups and snogs, an ex-fiance now ‘fondly’ known as Mr Brown Suit, and a serious dose of unrequited love with Male Best Friend, who never did quite leave that girlfriend….Since starting my blog, I still have a chequered love life…and this blog has seen more ups and downs than a whore’s pair of knickers, but at time of writing this, I have achieved what I had become to believe was becoming a mighty feat, and I am loved up with the boyf in a proper relationship, living together and all that jazz.

I don't hate men, quite the contrary, but they're a strange species that entertain and bewilder me so often that I never run out of things to write about. I have contributed to several other blogs, and also run Baggage Reclaim, a no BS guide to single living, dating, relationships and man taming.

Updated 7th Nov 2006
*FMB's - F*ck Me Boots or Knee High Boots