Cracked Toes & Cracked Men

I've possibly cracked my toe today as I strutted back to work in my beautiful Bertie boots. Fortunately I had my best male friend at hand to help me hobble back to work and I have spent the remainder of my day wincing in pain. The ideal scenario would have been to have spent the afternoon being waited on hand and foot by semi-naked men but the reality was I ploughed on through work with the guys being semi-helpful but also taking the piss out of me. Bloody men!

My friend who got dumped by text and then got back together with him and then called it a day is going through a really hard time and I want to run out and protect her from the world, and especially this guy. You have to be so cautious when friends break up with boyfriends though because when they get back together, she does remember that you called him a 'f*cking bastard' repeatedly.

In an ideal world she'd tell him to sling his hook, drown her sorrows in girlie nights with the girls where we all call him a 'f*cking bastard', and then after a few weeks she would pull herself together, look stunning, pull the most amazing bloke ever and get married and live happily ever after. I just want her to get over the guy because I hate seeing her in pain. She still has some of his stuff and I've wisecracked that it would be therapeutic to burn the bloody lot of it! I don't think I really mean it though.... Kind of...

Truthfully I'm not that way inclined. I'm a more, 'Come and take your sh*t or it gets put out in the bin' type of woman because who wants their exes things lying around as a reminder of what a dick they are, or how awful you feel?

I remember when I broke up with my ex last year and for a few months every once in a while something of his would mysteriously turn up and I'd return it. Now I'm talking CDs, books etc. Next thing you know I'm getting old birthday cards in the post from him. Very odd behavior! I still have some things that were gifts but I don't associate most of them with him and any that I do, I don't use/wear.

I keep telling my friend that if her guy can't see how great she is then he must be on crack, but I don't think that it's making her feel that much better. Why do men fail to see the value of what they have until it's far too late to do anything about it? I think that most of this particular guys exes have got married to the next guy they have gotten with. What does that say?

Fours days until the big wedding and I'm worried that my toe is going to have me walking with a limp behind the bride. I am determined to look my best on Saturday, even if I have to change shoes after the ceremony.

The bride-to-be is excited but nervous, and I'm starting to feel the wedding fever myself. I wonder if I will cry during the ceremony? I've started to think about how I would like my wedding to be, but I think it's a weird when I don't have a prospective husband. Which reminds me - I still need to flog that bloody engagement ring!


Oh well! My ex must have been on crack to not have seen the value in me, but at least I'll get some value out of the ring!

Long Live Long Weekends

I love bank holidays. Normally at this time on a Monday I'm thinking about shooting my boss and whether to take a stroll to the snack machine to cheer myself up. Today, I'm watching a repeat of the brilliant O.C. Yes I know I should be too old to like this show but it's like watching the modern day Dynasty or Dallas but with school kids. Only in America, eh?

Bit pissed off with blogger as I did blog on Friday and it didn't post it for some weird reason. I've fixed it now. Anyway..........

As usual with bank holidays it didn't go quite according to plan. I vowed that it was going to be a chilled weekend where I caught up on some stuff I needed to get done around the flat, flaked out, and went out a bit. I spent most of my weekend out! I'm very tired!

I agreed to go for a couple of drinks after work and ended up being out much longer than planned. I had a great laugh with my 3 best mates from work as we deliberated the existence of God and ghosts, why some men like women to sh*t on glass tables, golden showers, and other equally odd subjects. I love it it! As usual me and B opposed the 2 guys for certain subjects so there was a lot of banter. Men are so competitive! My friend John turns everything into a big competition and he hates to lose. He is walking, talking male pride!

Entertainment of the evening was one of Johns conquests glaring at us across the table because she obviously didn't like myself and B talking to him. The poor guy felt distinctly uncomfortable and I briefly felt sorry for him until I reminded myself that it's all his own fault and he shouldn't have been such a tart. I think he wanted us to be sympathetic to his cause but B and I think it's a case of 'You reap what you sow' and in this world of sexual hijinks, he's lucky that all he's reaping is a woman with a slightly scary fixation on him.

Note to women: A man will not find you attractive if you stare at him Glenn Close bunny boiler style across the table. His balls will just shrivel up in fear. Oh, and his female friends will say you're a psycho!

Back to the competition thing again, but I did wonder on Friday whether competition can drive a mans interest in a woman, even when he won't admit it on a conscious level. I'll say no more. They know who they are!

I bought my winter boots over the weekend and they are so beautiful and sexy that even if it was scorching outside I would find a way to wear them. Knee high FMB's (F*ck Me Boots for those that don't know) that zip at the back and buttons all the way down each side military style. Summer uniform of short skirts will soon become autumn/winter uniform of short skirts plus boots (and long skirts). It's going to be a good autumn/winter!

I may try and photograph them as it's about time I started using photos on the blog!

I went to the Notting Hill Carnival yesterday and despite being tired from Saturday night (out again!), I managed to walk around for over 3 hours with B. We didn't really know what to do so we just walked and walked and walked, and men chatted us up along the way. It seems that the carnival music brings out the sexual flirty side of people because there was a lot of flirting going down!

I'm not usually one for men in uniform but when a load of firemen went by, B and I were very, very pleased with what we saw. It seems that firemen are all too aware of their sexual collateral because they were solely out there for the women who were going wild. B and I just about managed to restrain ourselves. Just.

All in all I am shattered despite sleeping the excesses of the weekend off last night for about 10 hours. You would think that because I can't drink anymore that I wouldn't feel so wrecked after a night out, but I do.

I'm going to my aunts in a while where I will encounter one of the most tiring men on earth, her boyfriend! We get along brilliantly but he epitomises all of the things that I find tiring about men. I'd better brace myself!

Male Pride Strikes Again

I spent my Thursday evening being regaled with sexual tales by my male colleagues at the pub. At some points I laughed so hard I thought I would choke! I think that a lot of the men I know have got big egos and a lot of front. Maybe this is because we work in advertising. To work in sales you do need a certain amount of confidence so maybe this explains the unprecendented egos that I experienced!

I mentioned a few weeks ago that a couple of my male colleagues had circled the new recruits like vultures on a company night out. It seems that they have found out that we have been taking the piss out of them ever since, because they felt the need to explain themselves and worked very hard at trying to convince me that they were just being very helpful and there was nothing overtly sexual in their behavior.

This translates to me as they tried their luck, failed and are trying to salvage some pride. Here we go again, male pride is at the centre of everything that goes on with men!

All of a sudden, the women that they spent the best part of a month 'circling' by wining and dining and stuffing them full of compliments, are 'not their types' and 'too stocky'. Hmm. Sounds to me like somebody got a knock back!

The most important thing that they seem to have forgotten is men do not do things for women without expecting something in return. Most men when pushed will admit this. Most women know that men don't do things for them without expecting something. Sounds like the men have been had to me! It is a bit pathetic to think that because you've essentially bought a woman some food and drink that you should get something back in return though, isn't it?????!!!!!

Anyway, my iPOD has still not been returned. The love affair is definitely over!

I went to the bank this lunchtime to collect my new card after the whole cloning fiasco. I dressed like it was summer today despite the fact that it is pissing down like no tomorrow outside. My homage to the changing of the seasons is my knee high boots or FMB's (F*ck Me Boots) as every man calls them. The short-ish skirt and white top still say summer. Anyway, this drunken man starts shouting that I'm very a sexy woman in this loud, slurring voice. He said it a few times and my whole face flushed up in embarrassment. He stood there and looked at me until I eventually said, 'Er, thanks.....' Naturally the guys were in stitches laughing!

My friend B is also in a similar outfit, FMB's and all. I wonder if we are linked?

Women are not Mind-Readers

I am genuinely outraged for Indigo Bayou that posted a comment in response to my 'Why Can't Men Give Straight Answers?' blog entry. It seems that not only does her husband want to dodge giving a straight answer but he wants his poor wife to read his mind and put up with his irrational temper.

Men, there is something you should know. Women are NOT mind-readers. There isn't an invisible crystal ball and we don't have the power to read your mind and see what lies in store for us. Surely if we did, we wouldn't go near a lot of men! Trust me!

It seems that it's not enough to babble crap at us and expect us to dissect it and realise the 'intelligence' and meaning of whatever it was you said. This is a lot of hard, unnecessary work. Men need to give straight answers, stop dodging giving answers by following the attack is the best form of defence tack, and stop treating women like mind-readers.

Indigo's husband doesn't quite recognise that his wife is his ally not his enemy. His behavior is wrong on so many levels. For anybody that hasn't read the comment, Indigo asked a question about an employee of the company that she co-owns with her husband, and followed this up with a suggestion. This seems to have set his defence mechanisms (read: Male Pride) into action because he didn't answer her question and then decided to 'attack'. It seems that if a woman questions something a man says or does, this automatically means that she is disrespecting how the man is handling the situation.

To make himself feel better, Indigo's husband made a dig about her weight and said that there are plenty of things he doesn't like about her! I forgot how men are able to carry a child for 9 months, give birth AND maintain the figure that they started the relationship with!

Indigo's great because not only did she not resort to low blows (she did point out in her comment that she could have got into a discussion about his penis size but didn't) but she gave her husband the opportunity to have his say and still kept her cool. I admire her. It is another reminder of the greatness of a woman because we don't have a massive chip on our shoulders called male pride causing us to have a problem taking criticism.

I listened to my boss beltching today and gave a thought to his poor wife who is betrothed to him forever more. I think he pushes it to vomiting parameters just to annoy me. I hope he throws up on himself one day because that would be funny!

One of my colleagues said that if I want to be a housewife he'll marry me and I can clean his house all day. How exciting..................

It is a shame that women aren't mind-readers though, because my new flatmate would realise that I don't want to listen to her bonking the sh*t out of her boyfriend! I thought the walls were going to cave in around me and even with the television I had to listen to the distinctive squeaky rhythms of their lovemaking (shagging, bonking, whatever......) I know everybody has their preferences, but personally I wouldn't want anybody going at me like a jackhammer for that long! I do admire his energy though as he kept going in horrid noisy spurts (excuse the pun) on and off for almost 40 minutes!

I barely know this woman yet I have been privy to listening to her getting a good going over from her boyfriend. Mind-read this new flatmate: Sort out your bedsprings and put on some music. The only sex I want to hear so loudly is my own!

Invasion - Bring Back the Wet Toilet Seat

I never thought I'd say this, but all is forgiven and my no-aiming ex-flatmate that had a fondness for peeing on the toilet seat is welcome to come back. I now have a female flatmate who seems to be invading every crevice of space! I thought I could accumulate shit but this woman has hoarding down to a fine art. The bathroom is an explosion of hair removal cream. What is she? (I am such a bitch sometimes............)

Anyway wherever that bloody ex flatmate of mine is, he is more than welcome to move back in and pee on the seat to his hearts content! If I can have the place that I used to call my haven back, I think that I will suffer a few pee droplets. I'll even clean the bathroom with gritted teeth but manage to hold my temper!

Why didn't the landlord put a potential husband in?

Some idiot 'accidentally' pulled the passenger alarm on the tube (How is this possible????) causing my tube to come to an abrupt stop and all of us had to 'cook' for almost 10 minutes while the fiasco got sorted. I could have lived with this if the 'gentleman' in front of me hadn't farted. I actually thought that I was going to pass out. Did you ever hear that saying? Farts are like children - You can barely stand your own. Add in a sweltering tube carriage that's motionless in a tunnel and you've got carnage!

It is very bad manners to squeeze out a fart in public. Hold it in or something but have some respect for those of us that don't want to breathe in someone elses, er, excretement.....

Have I become obsessive about toilet habits? Am I a prude? I cringe when I meet my male colleagues entering or exiting the toilet with a newspaper. What the frig is the newspaper needed for? Don't you just shit and leave? How the hell can I be expected to touch the newspaper after it's been mauled by someone taking a shit. How un-bloody-hygienic!

I also cringe when I see what women can do to a toilet given half the chance. I daren't even get started because I could be here all night, but there are some rank women working on my floor!

I spoke to my mum this morning who said that she'd love to see me get married soon. I told her not to worry and that it will happen. Where do I get my confidence?!

Why Can't Men Give Straight Answers?

Today when I was at my doctors getting a new steroid prescription, I asked him whether it was true that I should mimimise the amount of vitamin C and D intake. I consider myself to be clever and a good listener but I honestly am none the wiser as to whether I should or shouldn't. I got tangled in the web of his answer which he started by saying that I should minimise the vitamins, then that the vitamins were in everything and that I shouldn't worry, and then some long winded explanation about fortified vitamins (?????), and then he trailed off.

This morning I asked my colleague if one of my clients ads was appearing in the requested position within the magazine. My colleague proceeded to shite on about good and bad positions and about clients obtaining value for the spend and the market (????), and that where they were appearing was a good position. Er, you still haven't answered my question. I asked him 4 times during a ten minute conversation until I told him that I would speak to production because he was confusing the shit out of me. He agreed that asking production was the best option.

I know why men don't give straight answers - It's because they don't know the answer and what the hell they are talking about! It's a bit like when men don't know where a place is but insist on giving directions. Men can't give straight answers because they don't know when to admit they are wrong, or when they don't have a clue, and because male pride insists on rearing its ugly head every time they think or open their mouths.

Men are exhausting. They make a rod for their own backs, and then they wonder why women get frustrated with them. What is the point in tangling someone up in the web of your lack of knowledge? Why keep chasing your tail and confusing the shit out of me? Why not admit that you don't know where somebody is instead of having people still trying to find mystery places that you've directed them to 10 years later?

You know what I think? If in doubt ask a woman. At least she'll have the balls to say she doesn't know and if she does she'll give you a straight answer and not tie you up in her convoluted knowledge (or lack of it).

As usual my boss has his special radar which knows that I am sensitive and hormonal and he wisecracked that he didn't like the way my hair looked today (apparently it's too slick??? what the f***???), so I spent the whole day being paranoid about how my hair looked, even though my boss has no business being the style police. If it wasn't my time of the month I would have told him where to go.

Women Earning More Than Men - Oh No!

When I was out with my colleagues on Thursday we started talking about women that earn more than their male partner. I am a very firm believer that there are very few men in the world that are comfortable earning less than their female partner. If any man says that he is, it's likely that he's lying, a scrub, or hasn't been in the situation long enough for it to have sunk in.

Men always have and always will be hunter gatherers. The majority have been raised to provide for the female and her brood and male pride will be severely put out of joint if they are unable to do what they are programmed to do. One of my male friends told me previously that the idea of his woman earning more than him was enough to make his dick go limp - 'How am I supposed to feel like a man???'

Even for the men that are madly in love with their partner, it will be still be a struggle. They don't love their partner any less, but like one of male colleagues, male pride ensures that they work extra hard so that sooner rather than later they are back to earning more. It doesn't bother women when the man earns more than she does, but we are used to this.

I am not outraged by any of this because I think that it is difficult to change not only the habit of a lifetime, but the habit of thousands of years. The other females in the conversation were outraged when the men were honest enough to say that didn't want their women earning more than them. Whilst I don't think that it's right, there are bigger fish to fry out there.

I think if some of the women that objected dug deep they would realise that THEY probably wouldn't want to earn more than their men because we have also been programmed to be provided for, and regardless of feminism and equal opportunities, we still play to our so-called 'roles' in society, even though we feel we are consciously striving for something else.

I know of women that earn more than their partners and it doesn't make for happy times. When shit hits the fan, it really hits the fan, and what is clear is that the man doesn't seem to know his role in the relationship. He doesn't seem to feel needed, he feels insecure, and somehow belittled.
Funny how women don't feel like this when it's the other way around, but we are programmed to be accepting of it, plus we don't possess male pride!

Anyway whilst I am an independent woman, I don't care about my man (when I have one) earning more than me. What's mine is mine, and what's his is mine! Joke, joke, joke!


I've filed my crime report with my bank and if I am fortunate the defrauded amounts will be returned to my account in about a week. The guy that dealt with whilst helpful actually had the cheek to tell me that it was all ok because at least I would get my money back and that it was an 'inconvenience'. He said that 'we', as in my bank Abbey National (or whatever they are called these days) are the ones that lose out.

Hello. They're a bank. Like insurance companies they commit daylight robbery every day. I'll be damned if I feel sympathetic. I know so many people that have had mystery charges applied by their banks and if they hadn't been the ones to mention it, they would never have got the money back. My 'helpful' guy at the bank then wisecracked that I wouldn't be going shopping this week. He was lucky I didn't wallop him with my handbag. How insensitive! I bet he doesn't say that shit to guys with the same problem.

Right I am off. I think I am going out for a dance later even though I swore that I would do nothing and take it easy this weekend.

Cops and Robbers

Brace yourself, and if you're the type of person that doesn't like foul language scroll down and read something I wrote previously.

Last night I found out that a lowlife, scumbag mutherfucker has emptied my bank account! It seems that when my friend and I withdrew money from an ATM on Tuesday evening that we had our cards cloned or something, and they withdrew EVERY LAST PENNY of our hard earned cash. Shit, shit, mutherfuck, shit!

I feel violated and despite knowing that eventually my money will be returned, the fuckers that took my money are lucky that I have no idea who they are or where to hunt them down. I'm premenstrual as well so I could do some serious damage. I feel like screaming in frustration because I am left impotent as there is nothing that I can do. Shit, shit, shite, sheiser, fuckity fuck fuck!

I feel much better. I know it's not good to swear but sometimes it brings sweet release!

I've got my crime number from the police station and I've reported it to my bank, who true to form, are taking donkey's to call me back. Apparently, 30 to 40 people have filed reports for the same machine over the past day or so. London is one big bloody pain in the arse. I'm sure that this doesn't happen in the countryside! I can't even withdraw money out of a bloody machine now.

I am appalled at what people can do to people these days. It's amazing how you hear about things happening but you don't associate these things with yourself. I never dreamt that my bank account would be robbed. What's next? My identity? I shouldn't even say that because that happens too.

In praise of the local cop shop, it was all dealt with relatively quickly, although I am amazed at the pallava that a change of shift can bring. It seems that if somebody's finishing their shift at 7 they try to avoid being involved in any work for about 20-30 mins before the shift ends, probably because they fear working 1 minute over their shift. Bloody hell! Talk about working to rule! Is this what our taxes pay for?

My friend was suprisingly calm throughout. I thought that he was going to to go ballistic but I think he was resigned to the situation, like myself.

I'd better go and do some work......

The Olympic Sport of Being A Man

Today has felt like one of the longest days ever, with hour stretching into hour and me feeling like I was going to nod off at any moment. I've spent the entire day in a training session, and whilst the subject matter wasn't boring, for some reason I struggled to get into the subject matter. There is only a certain amount of excitement I can muster for presentation training!

A close male friend was also in this training session and he got so competitive and it was so unnecessary. He displayed typical male traits of having to turn everything into a competition as this seems to make him feel really good and secure, seemingly. I don't know why he couldn't just come to the training session, work as a team, and learn like everybody else. You'd swear there was a prize or some great honour that was going to be bestowed at the end of the session by all the, 'I'm the best' talk.

Funny moment of the session was when we had to recap on a pneumonic and he was asked what the last letter 'F' stood for. He struggled to think of the answer for a few moments but my mind (and a few others) had already wandered to John's nocturnal activities with the ladies. We were all thinking that for John, 'F' stood for 'fuck'. (The correct answer was 'Follow-up'!)
Sometimes I dearly wish that the various men in my life whether they are at work or outside of it would take it easy with the competitive sport of interacting with the other men around them. I am TIRED of hearing why each one is the best at such and such, and every little thing being turned into a contest. We can't even have our lunch without one of the guys trying to prove how superior they are at something.

Don't men feel tired having to constantly prove their strength whether it is physical or mental?
I am glad to be a woman. Turning the very act of breathing fresh air into a competition holds no delight for me. I know that guys like to think that what women talk about doesn't hold the same weight as their 'man talk' but at least we're not under the pressure that men seem to be under to try to gain the upper hand in every situation, even when they're in the company of close friends!

Well my friend may feel like he's 'won' the race in our training session, but he gets no medals for his tactless behaviour.

Forever single? I hope not!

My iPOD was finally collected today and I must admit to feeling a bit bereft all over again. I was sitting on the tube this evening and I instinctively went to get it out of my bag and realised it wasn't there. It's reminiscent of a break-up, when you roll over in the bed and find that he's not there. (although admittedly I would feel worse about that than the bloody iPOD!)

I have been on a team night out this evening and as usual, the majority of the evening was spent taking the piss out of people, and embarrassing our boss by reminding him of moments when he has let himself down. Again, I am still bewildered by why men seem unable to disguise their belches better. Every time I heard even the smallest of belches my stomach lurched, although this may partly have something to do with the fact that we were in an Indian restaurant.

My boss for some reason decided to take me down memory lane and told me that I could have been married for a year by now and have a child on the way if I had stayed with my ex-fiance. Er no. Rather unlikely. I hadn't even started planning the wedding when we broke up in June 2003. He then 'comforted' me by telling me it will happen someday. Why do people that are in relationships feel it is necessary to say this to singletons? I don't think that I did this when I was in relationships. It's quite patronising. I'm delighted that people are loved-up, but I don't think that this gives someone carte blanche to pontificate about my single status and my ability to get a man. Am I defined by a man or lack of one? Do I fit in better if I'm in relationship?

And how exactly does he expect me to feel after going on about what could have been if I had stayed with my ex? I may be some things, but nothing would make me stay with someone who wasn't right for me, just so that I could do the marriage and babies thing, which means that I don't miss what wouldn't have been right for me.

I know he means well but he'd have done better to keep his mouth shut. If people aren't telling me that I'll find 'him' some day, they're telling me that they're worried that I won't find 'him'. I am fully aware of these things, and depending on whether I feel optimistic or pessimistic, I veer between either one.

The curry I ate is churning around in my stomach and I feel a bit 'delicate'. I'm going to drink lots of water and pray that sleep makes me forget the odd feeling in my stomach.
I'm off to lie down and steady myself....

Sticking Point

Monday at work has been a relatively shite day as usual so I won't dwell too much there. How many times can you say that crawling into work on a Monday is painful, whether you partied like a muther or sat on your arse and did nothing all weekend? Well I'll say it again. Mondays at work are shit.

Moving on. Why do men seem to think that it is a sign of their masculinity to belch without saying pardon, and without covering their mouth? Sometimes I hear my boss belching and it sounds like he is a fraction of a second away from following through and throwing up all over his desk. He knows it winds me up as I tell him everytime he does it. Nobody should be suprised by this as I feel equally upset by people that fart on public transport and defecate work/public toilets, or like my old flatmate, pee all over the seat!

One of my male friends likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Constantly. At lunch today I really felt like telling him to 'F off', but I think that this would have made him more opinionated so I stifled my cursing. I also recognise that my tolerance levels may be low due to PMT. Bitch alert....

I dedicate today's blog to my dear friend Nac, who has entertained and supported me whether times are rough or fantastic. She's a cynical bitch like me at the best of times and there isn't anybody better in the world to have an evil cackle with.

Nac and I have just enjoyed an evening of girlie talk, bitching, and noodles. I have been slightly paranoid these past few days, that since I was accused of not being too enthusiatic and supportive to one of my friends (see Bridesmaid-zilla), that maybe I am failing other friends and they're not saying anything. But it seems that I have nothing to worry about in that regard.

Must keep things in perspective and not let my hormones rule my emotions this week!

Nac's trying to sort out a blind date for me so hopefully I will be telling all soon.

I forgot to mention that one of my aunts was giving me the down low on sex toys and porn films on Friday night! I see her in a whole new light, and I must admit to blushing like a schoolgirl at points in the conversation. She's told me that there is this vibrator that sticks to any surface (like a wall) and that this obviously makes it stationery and the woman has the control. I guess in some weird way it's almost like sex. It's just not a real penis and there isn't a man in sight!

It would be great if they made something that enabled me to stick a man to any surface........

iPOD - The Honeymoon is Over

On June 5th this year I became the proud owner of a 15GB iPOD and whilst I had heard much hype about it, nothing prepared me for how deeply I would fall in love with it. It was a slow burner, but after 2 months and it pretty much coming everywhere with me, we were having a fantastic time. I also enjoyed the looks of envy when people saw me with it on the tube or at work. I probably glow when I've got it on.

Well the bloody thing has decided that the honeymoon is over and gone on the blink. I went to use it on the tube on Friday and it stalled and then skipped from song to song, refusing to emit any sound, and eventually refusing to switch off. I bought it back to the store where I bought it and when the guy turned it on he patronisingly told me that there was nothing on it and that's why it's not working. Restraining the urge to swear, I gritted my teeth and said, 'There were 1700 songs on there this morning. I'd hardly tell you that the iPOD was broken just because I 'forgot' to load on songs.' He quickly realised that I was telling the truth. The bastard iPOD has 'lost' all of my songs somewhere in it!

I feel like I have had the usual honeymoon period with a man, and now he has retreated into his cave and being uncommunicative and acting like an asshole. My iPOD has male tendencies although no matter how much I twist and turn its knob (the dial) it is not playing ball and refusing to respond, even with a tender touch.

It is being collected from me on Monday/Tuesday where it will either be repaired or replaced. (Hey, they should think about providing a service where men get taken away or 'repaired' when they act up!)

I have felt bereft and abandoned when I've been traveling this weekend. I think I may shock horror, have to use my CD-Man tomorrow........

I had to remind myself that my grandad is 70 this morning when we had a communication issue. Why can't men communicate, and why do they assume things? To me, 'Are you ready to leave yet?' (to which I replied 'I'll be down in a few minutes') doesn't translate into 'Are you ready yet because I am going to go outside and sit in the car and wait for you?'

When I came downstairs he was nowhere to be seen, so I figured he'd show himself when he was ready. After more than 5 minutes, I popped into my grandma and asked where he was, and she said she thought he might be outside. And there he was sitting in his little car looking not too impressed with me. I told him I'd been inside waiting for him and he had a right go! Mind you, it was quite hot and the sun was probably cooking him! Men! I almost answered back like I would with my dad, and then I reminded myself he was 70 and if he hasn't learnt how to communicate by now, he never will!

I was very naughty and ate a McDonalds Happy Meal yesterday (not my normal fodder), and spent the remainder of my Saturday clutching my guts and swearing I'm never eating their again. My tummy still feels sensitive today! Try to imagine being chatted up by a guy in a bar while distractedly holding your stomach and the sweat breaking out on your forehead - It's not bloody pretty!

I'm eating like a horse which means that I'm premenstrual again. I went to the supermarket to get some healthy food and totally forgot about it when I got there. Oh well!`At least I got these fantastic butter taste cookies from Marks & Spencer. Completely addictive.

I was thinking about all of my friends and with the exception of the bride-to-be (who I have pissed off by not being as enthusiastic and supportive as she would like me to be), I have spent most of the summer being supportive to my friends with man trouble. Men that dump by text , get a bit heavy-handed , don't call, won't call, won't commit, seem to be on the menu this summer. I wonder if I had a man that was annoying me would I be wishing I didn't have him?

Bridesmaid-Zilla

I've spent an hour having a very 'tense' conversation with my close friend the bride-to-be. She doesn't feel that I have been as excitable and enthusiatic about her wedding as she would like me to be. We are on more pleasant ground now and there seems to have been some misconceptions, but I feel emotionally worn out. I'm not a cartwheel all over the place because someone's getting married type of person. I think that that's for the bride. Admittedly, when there has been ten months between the engagement and the big day, the momentum does slow down.

I adore my friend and I am delighted that she is getting married, but whilst the wedding is top billing for her everyday, it's not like that for me. I'm sure when it's a week to go or a few days I will be excited all over again.

She said something really hurtful about her thinking that my lack of excitement was because of my broken engagement. Jay-sus, I'm not that type of person, and I certainly wouldn't let the engagement to that pitiful ex of mine cause all of this!

My head hurts from the saga and I feel like shit, and I also feel bad because she probably feels like shit. I'm struggling to remember a time when our conversations weren't about bridesmaid dresses and measurements. I want her to have the best day ever, I just don't want to be battered in pre-wedding fever.

Anyway, you know who you are and I'm sorry for any upset caused and love you dearly. Hopefully we can laugh about this when we're 70 and pushing around our zimmer frames!

There's no man involved in this debacle and he would probably think we were on crack for arguing over such things!

I bumped into one of the directors in the coffee shop this morning, greeted him and left to walk over to the office. Naturally as I was crossing the road (he was behind me), the wind decided that it would try to blow my skirt up, but I just caught it in time. I mean, how exactly would I be able to face him again if he saw my bare, thonged arse?! I'd have to pack in my job!

I think one of male work colleagues has got male PMS as he was so moody this morning. I know it wasn't just me being paranoid, because everybody kept asking what was wrong, which only made him more moody. Men! They can't even let women have moodiness to themselves and have their own male version of PMS which is linked to their testosterone levels over the course of the month. Oh, boo hoo!

Men are Cool, Girls Drool...Apparently

I got punched in the face by my friends 4 year old girl because apparently this is very funny. I actually thought she was about to hug me as they had just given me a belated birthday present, but it seems that her intentions were of a more violent nature. I just blinked back the tears that automatically sprang up and held my poor face while my friend chastised her.

Dining with a 7 year old boy and a 4 year old girl who's mission is to deafen everybody with her screams and wear the spaghetti bolagnaise has not put me off having children (I'm used to this particular lot misbehaving) but it has made me realise what a massive change to your life children bring. Two hours with these 2 buggers and my ears (and face) were ringing, and at moments I couldn't hear myself think or eat my own food without them trying to cock it up.
My darling Sammy (the 7 year old) heard me say that all men are like children and he said, 'No they're not. Girls are horrid. Men are cool. Girls Drool.' So simple and so, er, elegant. He put me right back in my place! It seems that this 7 year old thinks he has the key to how men and women interact, and that women salivate over the elusive, cool men. Er, no, or at least not all of the time. I am one woman who tries so hard not to!

Sammy surprised me though,h because for some reason we spoke about babies and he told me he loved babies and playing with them despite one biting his nose. My heart just melted and swelled all at once, and I remembered why I adored the little bugger. Why is it that men and boys have a habit of catching you off guard? One moment they are horrid, and then they say something that makes you realise why you adore them.

The adult version of the situation I had with Sammy is that the man says or does something horrible, and then says or does something which makes the woman soften (compliments her, talks about the future, buys something) and then the woman drops her knickers. Mission accomplished.

Speaking of dropping knickers, I know of a woman that slept with a man after being ignored for a month. How the hell does that happen? I think I need to have a word with her and tell her which way the land lies!

I finally managed to register at a doctors surgery after a year of farting around trying to get into one. While I was waiting to be seen, the men that were waiting all had a long hair in weird, supposedly cool styles, funky if not a bit sloppy clothes, and weird socks and shoes. They were all a bit......grungey. Maybe I need to move to a different area.......

My new doctor asked me what type of contraception I use and I said condoms, and proceeded to tell me all about condoms that rip, come off, and stay inside his patients. Nice...........

He has a really big, long beard (not as big as Santa's) and it was yellow from nicotine. Yeuch! He also has long nails which if anyone remembers I absolutely despise in men.

Note to men: If your nails are longer than a woman's and you can slash material with them, they are too long! No woman wants Freddy Krueger flexing his digits in the bedroom!

Vagina Smagina

I had dinner with a couple of friends after work and I think that the barmaid was trying to make a pass at me. She said something about thinking that she knew me from somewhere and that it was bugging her since I had arrived, and asked me if I worked in the music industry. My friends think that she looked quite embarrassed but they're not sure if it's because she knew that we knew she was chatting me up, or that we mistakenly thought she was chatting me up. If a man had approached me and said the same things, I would definitely think that he had been chatting me up. Each time she made eye contact with me afterwards, she gave me a wink.

Naturally my male friend made a wise crack about me becoming a lesbian, but it's not my thing. I need it to be all man. That's just how I am. The vagina holds no interest for me. I am not afraid of it but the idea of girl-on-girl action doesn't make me feel excited. I never look at a woman and think, 'Ooh, I'd like a piece of that', and equally despite my boyfriend drought, I haven't thought, 'Oh I know. I'll just start drinking from the furry cup. Problem solved!'

99.9% of my male friends love the idea of girl-on-girl action. Mention them doing man-on-man and excitement turns to horror and fear. Typical men. One rule for themselves, and another for the women.

One of my exes used to make pervy comments to my mates about threesomes and whilst they were meant to be so-called jokes, if one had said yes, he'd have been in there quicker than you could say 'pussy'. Yes, I am fully aware that I have some pathetic exes. Now you know why I'm on my own!

I'm not being egotistical, I swear, but the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that she was flirting with me. Women know women and I sensed that she was cracking on to me.

Ah! It's nice to know you're attractive, eh? If only she had a penis, and looked and acted like a man, and in fact, was a man, she may have stood a chance..............

Anyway, I have had yet another night of rubbish sleep so I am forcing myself to have an early night. Nothing of major interest has happened today other than the barmaid incident, although we did get a lot of mileage out of taking the piss out of one of the guys at work for using hair straighteners. I think he's wasting his time. His hair doesn't even look straight.......

What's next? My male colleagues having bikini waxes? The whole back, sack and crack treatment sounds........painful. I must book one of them in!

Sven Will Men Get It Right?

I've been vaguely following the news of yet another of Sven Goran Eriksson's affairs but feel compelled to comment because it further illustrates that men can't finish relationships. I wrote about this a few days ago and it is becoming more and more evident with each guy I speak to. BG commented and agreed in the end that my theory is true. Each guy I speak about this with denies it initially and then thinks back over his own or his friends relationships and then agrees wholeheartedly.....

'He insisted he had not had sex with Nancy for a year and repeatedly tried to give her the brush-off—but she refused to get the message.' Have you ever heard anything so pathetic?

Er Sven, has it ever occurred to you that a bit of straight talking might have made your life easier? Why didn't you take Nancy (the girlfriend for anybody who doesn't know) aside and say, 'I don't love you anymore. This relationship is over', or something that would send the message like a football being kicked in goal (something else that Sven struggles to manage).

Not screwing your woman should be a clear indicator that somethings up, but it wouldn't be the first relationship to exist that was lacking in sex. People tend to avoid tackling issues about sex for fear of opening a can of worms. It is such a cop-out for men to think that they can ease their way out of a relationship by dropping hints. Grow up! Be men! Communicate!

One of my friends has been seeing a woman but doesn't want it to be anything more than a casual thing. It is clear to everybody but him that she thinks that the relationship is more. She asked him where their 'relationship' was going the other day. He told us that he said that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, but further interrogation proved that he had 'ducked & dived' his way around her question, which explains why she is still lurking like a kling-on.........

Talk straight. Believe me guys, you'll appreciate these words when she hasn't got your dick in a vice and is threatening to cut it off/burn it/or straight kill you!

And don't think that I have forgotten the mistress Faria Alam in all this. I would like to call her naive, but I think that she has been very clever. She's shagged her way through the Football Association, wrecked a marriage and a relationship, and stands to net a million. Yep, the woman has front and brains, but it won't disguise the fact that she hasn't behaved in a very 'ladylike' way. Hasn't she learned from Monica Lewinsky that this kind of fame is not what you want the men of the world to know you for? She'd better enjoy the money because if Monica's experiences are anything to go by, Faria's got some cold, lonely nights ahead. She'd better by herself a vibrator then, eh?

On a serious note, men really must make a concerted effort to finish their relationships properly. Men must stop acting like dicks so that women end up hating their guts, dumping them, and bad mouthing them to anybody that will listen. If a man wants out of relationship, he should say so or at least communicate what is bothering him. He may even find that whatever is bothering him isn't that bad.

Hints or dodging and diving whenever she brings up an issue don't cut the mustard.

I'm tired so I'm crawling off to bed. It was so humid last night that I tossed and turned for half the night. It seems most of my office did because we all moaned about it when we got in. The weather wasn't great though, so it wasn't my usual short-ish skirt to work. I seriously need to get remeasured for a bra though because almost every bra I wear makes me look busty. Surely that's not right?

Scorcher of a Weekend

What an exhausting weekend! The weather has been scorch-tastic and I've been out dancing the past two nights, with the earliest that I have fallen asleep being 4.30am. I could barely keep my eyes open this afternoon and I can barely keep them open now. One thing I am very proud of is the fact that I have made an effort to be more responding when guys chat me up and it's been great fun. I've always been a flirt anyway but I tend to be picky and choosy about who I do it with, but being flirty and charming just for the hell of it makes for a good night.

I still don't understand why guys that look old enough to be my dad chat me up? I know I don't look old (they always tell me this), so I must look like I need a father or something.......

Also, why do men have to touch you when they introduce themselves?

I spent most of my Saturday with my brother who gave me a fabulous pair of jeans and a top as a belated birthday gift, which I ended up wearing out last night because I went straight from his over to my mates for a girls night out. My brother and I had met up with some friends for lunch but spent most of it sweating profusely and could barely eat our meals. The remainder of the afternoon was spent on a house boat, where I spent hours sweating profusely on the couch because the heat was too much for me outside. I then crashed out on the sofa for a nap and woke up completely confused with my skirt all over the place and my brother laughingly taking a photo. Despite the fact that the boat doesn't sail, I felt sea sick because when boats pass by, the house boat rocks. Not my idea of fun.......

Still my brother whipped together a great feast on the barbeque. What is it about men and barbeques? As soon as the bbq arrived, my brother was glued to it getting it lit and then cooking the food. I think he loved the flames and feeling super-manly in front of the women, and it's certainly not the first time I have seen a man get like this over the bbq.

I topped off a good but sweaty day, with a great but sweaty evening in a cheesy music nightclub on a girls night out. The boys from our group were also on a boys night out in the same place, but we left them to it for the first couple of hours because it's difficult to be chatted up by men when you've got 3 strapping guys lurking around! I lost track of the amount of guys that we spoke to, but it was great fun being approached by them.

An extremely good looking guy tried to grab my hand as we were headed down the stairs. Good under normal circumstances but the woman attached to the other arm probably didn't appreciate it..........

As usual there were breast issues. The top my brother gave me was a one-shoulder number that with my wayward boobs, should have been worn with a strapless bra. Obviously because I left my bro's and went over to my friends I wasn't prepared so I tried to borrow one from my mate 'B'. I put the bloody thing on and it made my boobs look as if they were 2 sandcastles, because the stupid bra had been washed out of shape! So I went without and had to dance cautiously so that I didn't end up giving all the men in the club an eyeful. I managed not to flash anybody till we got back to the flat, where eventually my boob fell out after I had bent over. Oh well.......

I don't think that we got to sleep till around 5am as 'B' and I were taking the piss out of one of the guys until the wee hours. He was laughing but livid with us for completely ripping apart all of his conquests - He has a lot of them. He's the friend that I said has had more ass than a toilet seat! We love him dearly but we are trying to give him some long overdue advice on how to conduct his sexual affairs. There is such a thing as too much shagging around! He also tends to lack taste and judgement with his conquests which gives us vast amounts of ammunition. We were actually laughing so hard at some points that we were choking. He took it quite well in his stride although he did go to sleep in a bit of a mood. When he woke up we continued taking the piss out of him. Men are so sensitive................

My bed is calling me. The weekend is over. Big Brother 5 is finished and I'm wondering what will give me that type of entertainment now that it's over. I need to get out more........

Almost forgot that an idiotic football hoologan tried to start an argument with me on the tube because I told him that it was inappropriate to call the woman beside me a 'cunt' because she had supposedly looked at him funny when he was singing a football song. He started gesticulating wildly and jabbing his finger in my face while he yelled what could only be described as shit at me. I told him to get his finger out my face and he continued to yell a torrent of abuse. He shut up just as I was getting off because I called him a 'dumb prick' and he seemed suprised not just by what I said, but the fact that people were laughing as well..........

What an idiot!

I feel so hot and bothered I may have to throw myself in the shower.

Boys & Men

It's so humid I can barely type, despite wearing only my bra and a pair of shorts. There is almost a temptation to strip off but then I'd have to redress each time I wanted to go in the kitchen or something, just in case I bump into the people that live on the floor above me.

Anyway, I deviate......

My mum called me today from Turkey where she is on holiday with my little brother and her boyfriend. She's having a lovely time but in true male fashion, the boyfriend is acting up and having the odd temper tantrum when it suits him. I advised her to continue not paying any attention to it and he'll be fine. (Seemingly she started doing this on day 4 of the holiday and he's starting to behave) It seems that men being a pain in the arse is something that lasts a lifetime. My poor mother.....

My little bro (he's 14) is giving her sympathy and fleecing her of lots of money to buy computer games etc.

It's always the way it is in life. You have one man giving you headache's and another playing the friendship card and fleecing you of something......

I do love my little bro though. He's such a sweetheart and it's difficult to refuse him anything. I pity his future girlfriends.....

One of my colleagues is fond of posing obscure (and often filthy) questions to us, which often create great entertainment when the work day is dragging a bit. Today's one was a long winded one which at the end of a scenario where everyone's lives were in danger, gave the options of either having a 95% chance of survival but only saving yourself, or a 50% chance of survival and the possibility of saving everyone. Most were playing the hero naturally so the girls decided to be flippant and go for the 95% option.

I then changed it around to test the guys motivations and offered the 95% option where the guys got out with their penises intact, or the 50% where they loses their penises, and all of a sudden the guys didn't want to play the hero anymore........

The weekend is almost here, which means a girls night out, some quality time with my 25 year old bro (he stood me up earlier in the week), and some serious catching up on relaxation and sleep. Yee-hah!

I just have to get through work tomorrow. I wonder if being a housewife would be better than having a job? Hmmm. Need a man for that I think.........

It's all about work

Funny sight of the day: My boss standing on a chair writing on a whiteboard (yes he is a bit on the short side), with his trousers wedged so far up his crack, the trousers were in danger of becoming shorts. He was completely oblivious to this until he heard us all laughing hysterically. I would have laughed even harder if he had fallen off the swivel chair he was standing on, although of course I would have dashed over to help him up!

I have made peace with the guy I 'manage' and I am going to let him get on with it and stop being a nag. I am already feeling the sweet relief on my stress levels.

Today has been scorching. I wore white trousers and a shirt to work, which means I wore the outfit today that I should have worn yesterday. I don't know whether I'm coming or going with this weather mallarky sometimes.

One of the guys has been off work for a couple of days because he's got a stomach ache or something, and I realised that in my department, the women seem to have a better constitution than the men. The men when they call in sick have always got a cold/weird virus/stomach bug. These men have obviously never had a period! Women suffer cramps, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, constipation (all at the same time), and all sorts of hideous pains that make you feel like your womb is trying to make a bid for freedom, and we still manage to drag our asses to work. It seems that in my department, when it comes to sickness, men are weaker than women. Oh, I love it!

As a point of reference, I love the fact that no matter what the illness, people always sound ill when they call in sick.......

We need to get a new member of staff into our department and I was thinking to myself that it's a crying shame that employment law doesn't permit me to ask for my boss to hire a potential future husband for me. I wonder if I could do Jedi mind tricks that will enable him to do it anyway? Hypnotism?

I also considered looking through the office photo gallery on my PC to see if I had somehow missed out on a potential husband working in my building. Then I thought that it was 1)A bit pathetic, 2)Unlikely to yield anything. I'm an observant character at the best of times and I would like to think that if there was any potential in the office, I would have spotted it by now. Hopefully.

I wonder if being 27 is causing me to lose the plot? No. I don't think so. I'm just being my usual self.

Why can't men finish a relationship?

I have proved something else about men today with a quick straw poll. I am convinced that men try to avoid finishing a relationship with a woman, and instead act up until the woman is so turned off them that the woman ends the relationship. My ex did exactly that. He was initially distant and then acted like a prize arsehole until I got sick of him and left him. Countless female friends complain of exactly the same thing. Not one of the men I know has actually ever finished it with a woman. They've had relationships that ended 'mutually' which again means that the guy acted up until she got sick of things and decided to discuss ending the relationship.

They all said that they didn't intentionally behave badly but that looking back, they all knew that the relationship wasn't working anymore, but found that it was easier for it to be ended by her or 'mutually'. Obviously if you have drawn the conclusion that a relationship is not working, even if it's on a subconscious level, you're not going to give the relationship your 100% best, and your certainly not going to be caring and attentive!

It seems that men want to ease their way out of relationships without having to be the ones to 'cast the first stone'. If they can do it without looking like the bad guy, they've had a result. It seems that despite the actual testicles hanging from every man, many lack balls.

Speaking of balls, I forgot to ask around for a bicycle pump at work for my pilates ball.........

The weather is rubbish. I'm sure I saw weather forecasts for good weather hence I left for work in a pleated white skirt that looks and feels great with sunshine, but not so great when it's pissing down outside. I think that because of my new and improved bigger bum it makes the skirt ride up a little at the back, so I've had to be careful when I, 1)Bend over, and 2)Sit down. I was also prepared for the gust of wind as I descended down the escalator into the station, so there was no bum baring this morning.

I'm going through this phase where every day at work just turns into one big bloody headache. Something seems to always go wrong and it is almost always linked to the guy I 'manage'. My patience is being stretched to its very limits, and whilst he is a lovely guy, the whole multi-tasking and retaining important info seems to bypass him. On the wrong day this is like a red flag to a bull.

I have decided that I am going to leave him to it and not nag him or point out everything that he does wrong and see how he gets on then. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but at least my blood pressure will be saved each day.

Mundane, Monday

Mondays are a difficult day and today was no exception. It was supposed to be quite hot but I just didn't feel it, but then again I spend most of the day trapped in the office. Naturally I wore a skirt to work, but commuters were saved from me flashing my wares because it was a skirt with shorts. The breeze on the way down the escalator into the tube station tried to expose me but my skirt was having none of it...

The new kids on the block behind me at work are driving me crackers with their incesstant non-stop shit talking. I like a laugh and a joke as much as the next person but they just babble all day about nothing and I actually find it difficult to concentrate. If you're going to talk all day at work at least talk about something half decent or funny. Who cares what your grans cat did the other day or equally mundane things? God, I am a bitch sometimes....

My friend and I looked up speed dating today but just like when it comes to choosing men, it seems that we are also really fussy about where we are going to go to meet men. Is it any wonder that we're single?

I have also asked my friend Nac to introduce me to some men, so she's is working on setting me up with an actor friend and a guy that works in finance. I will keep you all posted on any developments.

I have vowed to make more of an effort to go on dates.

I was talking to a close male friend of mine and listening to him talk about what a stud he is and how wonderful he is in bed, I realised that he genuinely believes it. He could at least try to be a bit modest or something. I told him that surely he sets a woman up for disappointment by building himself up but he said he that would never happen. Well he's certainly shagged enough people for me to get a referance should I ever be tempted..........(which I never would - Think, more ass than a toilet seat!)

Right, I am off to make some dinner.

Note to self: Must really get around to joining the gym. Cough, cough....

Drama in a Doggy Dog World

On Friday night I officially felt all of my 27 years when I saw some of the women (girls) that were in the bar and the club where we went to celebrate my birthday. I consider myself to be young and I certainly thought that I could go to most clubs but on Friday I realised that certain things just don't go with my nights out anymore.

The biggest shocker was seeing an acquaintances girlfriend. I knew that she was 18 (He's 24) but nothing, and I mean NOTHING prepared me for the sight that I was greeted with on Friday night. I hadn't expected her to come out, so when she turned up at our table in a vagina skimming red t-shirt with a belt languishing on her hips, my mouth actually fell open in shock. One of the guys had to physically close it for me. Her boyfriend was oblivious to the fact that his girlfriend looked like she was plying her trade!

A few minutes later we all flinched when she moved in her seat and we were positive that we saw her 'beef curtains'. Is it possible that she wasn't wearing any underwear?????!!!!!! I tried to see if there was a knicker line of any sort but when she got up and the t-shirt rode up a bit, I saw far too much of her bottom and I decided that it was quite likely that this chick was going commando!

When we left the bar to go the club, my friend and I refused to walk beside them because we didn't want people to think that we were with her! We're such bitches! Fortunately she went off to another club and her boyfriend came with us. Phew!

Drama's unfolded when we got the club and you can be damn sure I will not be returning there. I had emailed a 'guestlist' which had been confirmed by the promotions company that organises it, so you can imagine my annoyance when I roll up to 'NYT'. and I'm greeted by this obnoxious hostess claiming that there was no guestlist.

No disrespect to anybody who works as a club hostess or anything similar, but why does a clipboard in your hand make you think that you can speak to me as if I'm a piece of shit. You're a club hostess not Donald Trump, and I don't care what type of position or money you have, you should speak to people properly. She was so unbelievably stroppy and had the cheek to tell me that she wouldn't normally let us in but on this occasion she would, but it would cost us more.

Well my friend kicked up such a fuss that the very lovely bouncer on the door let us in for free. I think that he was embarrassed by her tyrannical behavior and he knew that we were going to continue to kick up a fuss.

I had actually been to NYT a few months ago for a friends birthday and it had been recommended again for mine, but it has changed, dramatically. It was full of girls that looked far too young to be out and the drinks were weak and extortionately priced. That idiotic hostess had made out that we were getting into an exclusive club with decent clientele, but there were people in there that were quite obviously too young to get into any club. We had a laugh and a bit of a dance in the end but I could've done without the attitude from the sour-faced cow on the door!

I will definitely be complaining to the promotions company and that hostess is so lucky that I didn't ram her poxy clipboard where the sun don't shine!

Interestingly there were more men than women out at my birthday. At one point I was sitting with 8 male friends around me! Lucky me!

I spent the hottest day of the year in the police station as one of my friends has been involved in a domestic. I obviously can't go into detail about it but thank God my friend is like me and doesn't take any shit. He will have come out far worse off in this situation and he's lucky I don't bust his nuts in. I sense a divorce is on the way and I really feel for my friend, but this type of worthless behavior is unacceptable. I've spoken to her a few times today and it is not looking hopeful. He is showing no remorse and is moving his stuff out. It seems that it's all a rather calculated move on his part.

Why is it that men lack the balls to end a relationship properly? Why is it that when a man wants to end a relationship, instead of coming correct and talking to a woman, he skirts the issue and treats her like shit instead? It's as if the man assumes that if he treats the woman badly enough she will have enough and dump him. How pathetic is that?

I felt really infuriated when I heard how my ex had been talking to my friend about our relationship a few weeks back. I really don't care for him any longer and I don't want him back, but hearing him wax lyrical about the reasons why the relationship didn't work and why he's not a suitable partner for someone is just offensive. We're all entitled to tell our tales but at least try to be truthful and if you can't tell the truth don't say anything at all.

I'm not one of these women that pushes for commitment and wants to have a big conversations about where the relationship is going. It was him that pushed for us to get engaged, move in etc, and now he's saying that he wasn't ready for the responsibility of doing those things. What a chump! Basically I was like a toy that he just had to have and 'lock down', and when he became tired of the toy, or realized that it wasn't what he had expected or wanted, he put me back on the shelf and demanded his money back, pleading inferior goods or a violation of the trade descriptions act. Just like my friends husband he behaved like an asshole for a few months until I left him. How clever.........

I know that I must rise above it and not give him the power of being able to rile me at this stage but it does bug me. It doesn't hurt but it does annoy me, and I really wish it didn't. I think most of my annoyance stems from the fact that he said it to my friend and he knows I'm going to hear it back. Does he think that I'm going to react to it and call him or something? Excuse my language, but he really can go and fuck himself! I'll take my comfort in knowing that I am a million times better off without him and that I've never for one moment regretted walking away from my relationship with him.

So I have the remainder of this sunny weekend to enjoy and I intend to chill out and do a bit of a tidy around the flat. I bought one of those exercise balls, opened it in excitement and then discovered that I need a bicycle pump to inflate it. Like I have one of those just lying around! If I had a bike I wouldn't be needing the exercise ball!

Almost forgot to mention it, but obviously I didn't meet a man on Friday night. Probably didn't help being surrounded by lots of guys but as usual any that did make eyes or approach we odd. Maybe it's me that needs to change.............