Dazed and Confused
It's almost 3am in the morning and I woke up about an hour ago after an exhausting day travelling and I feel a touch confused, or is that the start of jet lag?
I made it to Washington DC and then Columbia Maryland (not very far away) and of course I couldn't do that without some funny stuff happening en route.
First of all there was the taxi. I went out onto the road to flag a taxi at 4.45am and after a few minutes I wondered if I would have been better off booking one. So I called the number that had been given to me by the kindly receptionist at the Marriot Hotel a few doors up and promptly got through to a fax number! Cue mild panic and then as if somebody had heard me using a volley of curse words under my breath, a black cab pulled up. I told the taxi driver I wanted to go to Paddington, to which he responded 'Where are you going?'. 'Paddington station' I said. 'But where are you going?'.
Now mornings, especially ones that start with me baling out of bed at 4am in a daze to get ready for an exhaustive day of travelling, are not my strong point. I told him that I was going to Paddington to get the Heathrow Express, and of course the git starts trying to do the hard sell about trying to get me to get a taxi all the way to Heathrow. Back and forth we went for about five minutes until I must have started to wake up and returned to bitchy form.
NML: Do you want this fare or not?
Taxi: Yeah of course. I just think it will be better for you if I take you to Heathrow and it will only be a bit more. (16 pounds or $30 more)
NML: Listen. I'll be the judge of what's best for me. I want to go to Paddington. If you don't want to take me there then say so, otherwise lets get going. In the time it's taken for you to try to bumrush me into going all the way to Heathrow, I could have practically been at Paddington by now.
Two minutes later as we're heading to the station, he says 'Are you sure?' and I give him such a filthy look he realised it was better to shut up.
The Heathrow Express takes about fifteen minutes and I instantly fell in love with how ridiculously quick it was. The love came to an abrupt halt when the man sitting across from me seemed to let out the most horrific fart I have ever come across, just as we pulled into Terminal 3. Honestly, I thought I was going to chuck up the non-existent contents of my stomach. He kept looking at me and I looked at him with undisguised horror. Bloody commuters!
Apparently we need to have barcoded passports to go to the States, which I didn't find out till 5.30am. They said I could use my current passport on this occasion, but what they failed to mention is that I would be held in immigration for almost two hours in Chicago and that I would arrive at the gate for my next flight in the nick of time. I sat in a room watching people being told off for not having their green cards, passports, or like me a barcoded passport and had to will myself not to have a hissy fit. Finally they get to me.
Immigration: Mam, have you always lived in the UK.
NML: I was brought up in Ireland.
Immigration: Where? (And these people work in immigration?)
We get that cleared up and then.........
Immigration: Mam, are you married?
NML: No
I really didn't think I said it that loudly but everybody turned around to look at me.
Immigration: OK, OK. Whew! You were a bit quick there! (Everybody starts pissing themselves laughing)
NML: Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that.
Immigration: So, you're really not married?
NML: Why, are you offering? (More hilarity and laughter)
Immigration: You're funny! Did you hear that guys? I'm glad you're boyfriend can't hear you now!
They seemed to like me as they didn't take offence when I told them I thought that me having my fingerprints done was very CSI, and they howled with laughter when I fixed my hair in the webcam view on the computer screen before they took my picture, and then asked if they wanted to do profile shots. The whole room erupted in laughter and immigration told me I was the best fun they'd had in ages.
I managed to make it to DC without any problems on the flight from Chicago except for the turbulence which made me feel as if my tummy was in my mouth. My friends brother and girlfriend met me at the other end and I think I talked the ears off them all the way back to Columbia. I got very excited as we drove through DC and I'm looking forward to popping into Bush for some tea and biscuits (joke!)
I knew we were in America when we were at a light getting ready to go and a couple crossed the road. 'Hey! Hey, hey, hey. You'd better stop! You AIN'T gonna kill me today!' as she rapped the bonnet (hood?) of the car with her hand. I howled with laughter at this although I stopped abruptly when I thought she might cuss me. I do love America!
It was 83F when I arrived and I was one sweaty betty after sitting in no air conditioned car for almost an hour! I love the sunshine and with any luck it will stick around for if not all, then some of my trip. The sun means me living in skirts and showing skin, in a tasteful way of course!
When I got back to my friends condo, I caught up with her for a bit, showered, ate the best Chinese I've had since the last time I was in the US, and lay down for an hour at 7pm and woke up just before 2am. Of course my friend is now fast asleep!
I'll admit it right now. I intend to spend the day sunbathing. I lie. I intend to spend the day at the mall window shopping. I lie again. I'm going shopping!
I made it to Washington DC and then Columbia Maryland (not very far away) and of course I couldn't do that without some funny stuff happening en route.
First of all there was the taxi. I went out onto the road to flag a taxi at 4.45am and after a few minutes I wondered if I would have been better off booking one. So I called the number that had been given to me by the kindly receptionist at the Marriot Hotel a few doors up and promptly got through to a fax number! Cue mild panic and then as if somebody had heard me using a volley of curse words under my breath, a black cab pulled up. I told the taxi driver I wanted to go to Paddington, to which he responded 'Where are you going?'. 'Paddington station' I said. 'But where are you going?'.
Now mornings, especially ones that start with me baling out of bed at 4am in a daze to get ready for an exhaustive day of travelling, are not my strong point. I told him that I was going to Paddington to get the Heathrow Express, and of course the git starts trying to do the hard sell about trying to get me to get a taxi all the way to Heathrow. Back and forth we went for about five minutes until I must have started to wake up and returned to bitchy form.
NML: Do you want this fare or not?
Taxi: Yeah of course. I just think it will be better for you if I take you to Heathrow and it will only be a bit more. (16 pounds or $30 more)
NML: Listen. I'll be the judge of what's best for me. I want to go to Paddington. If you don't want to take me there then say so, otherwise lets get going. In the time it's taken for you to try to bumrush me into going all the way to Heathrow, I could have practically been at Paddington by now.
Two minutes later as we're heading to the station, he says 'Are you sure?' and I give him such a filthy look he realised it was better to shut up.
The Heathrow Express takes about fifteen minutes and I instantly fell in love with how ridiculously quick it was. The love came to an abrupt halt when the man sitting across from me seemed to let out the most horrific fart I have ever come across, just as we pulled into Terminal 3. Honestly, I thought I was going to chuck up the non-existent contents of my stomach. He kept looking at me and I looked at him with undisguised horror. Bloody commuters!
Apparently we need to have barcoded passports to go to the States, which I didn't find out till 5.30am. They said I could use my current passport on this occasion, but what they failed to mention is that I would be held in immigration for almost two hours in Chicago and that I would arrive at the gate for my next flight in the nick of time. I sat in a room watching people being told off for not having their green cards, passports, or like me a barcoded passport and had to will myself not to have a hissy fit. Finally they get to me.
Immigration: Mam, have you always lived in the UK.
NML: I was brought up in Ireland.
Immigration: Where? (And these people work in immigration?)
We get that cleared up and then.........
Immigration: Mam, are you married?
NML: No
I really didn't think I said it that loudly but everybody turned around to look at me.
Immigration: OK, OK. Whew! You were a bit quick there! (Everybody starts pissing themselves laughing)
NML: Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that.
Immigration: So, you're really not married?
NML: Why, are you offering? (More hilarity and laughter)
Immigration: You're funny! Did you hear that guys? I'm glad you're boyfriend can't hear you now!
They seemed to like me as they didn't take offence when I told them I thought that me having my fingerprints done was very CSI, and they howled with laughter when I fixed my hair in the webcam view on the computer screen before they took my picture, and then asked if they wanted to do profile shots. The whole room erupted in laughter and immigration told me I was the best fun they'd had in ages.
I managed to make it to DC without any problems on the flight from Chicago except for the turbulence which made me feel as if my tummy was in my mouth. My friends brother and girlfriend met me at the other end and I think I talked the ears off them all the way back to Columbia. I got very excited as we drove through DC and I'm looking forward to popping into Bush for some tea and biscuits (joke!)
I knew we were in America when we were at a light getting ready to go and a couple crossed the road. 'Hey! Hey, hey, hey. You'd better stop! You AIN'T gonna kill me today!' as she rapped the bonnet (hood?) of the car with her hand. I howled with laughter at this although I stopped abruptly when I thought she might cuss me. I do love America!
It was 83F when I arrived and I was one sweaty betty after sitting in no air conditioned car for almost an hour! I love the sunshine and with any luck it will stick around for if not all, then some of my trip. The sun means me living in skirts and showing skin, in a tasteful way of course!
When I got back to my friends condo, I caught up with her for a bit, showered, ate the best Chinese I've had since the last time I was in the US, and lay down for an hour at 7pm and woke up just before 2am. Of course my friend is now fast asleep!
I'll admit it right now. I intend to spend the day sunbathing. I lie. I intend to spend the day at the mall window shopping. I lie again. I'm going shopping!
14 Comments:
Hey NML!
It's B here!! Didn't have chance to say bye and have nice time before you went! You went bloody early in the morning!! So thought I'd use this opportunity to post my first comment! Have lots and lots of fun and try not to spend too much money!! Apart from on my pressie!!
See you soon
B xxx
I can't wait until you come to Chicago, I'll take you to the designer outlet malls for some power shoppin!
Welcome to America!!
Glad your trip looks to be fabulous. Your story about immigration cracked me up! :)
Let me know when you come visit Boston - we'll have to get drink!
Look at you! Not even a few hours in the States and you're already charming everyone around you! Now who's gonna need a stick to beat away all those guys? ;)
Again, sorry I missed you! Sounds like the trip is going well so far. Good luck shopping :)
Again, sorry I missed you! Sounds like the trip is going well so far. Good luck shopping :)
you have these unbelievable experiences and the unique ability to charm an entire room at once. =) safe and fun tripping in the u.s. :)
NML.
What a coinkydink. I work I Columbia. Maryland that is. Maybe you should be holding up a sign saying I am NML, just in case I see you at the mall during lunch.
Maybe you could wear a special color coded outfit or put a sign on the car.
NML ...
Welcome to the good 'ole USA!!
Glad you're enjoying your time so far. Maybe you should just say the heck with it all and just move here!!
And be sure to ogle the boys and drink plenty while you're here! Can't wait to read about your next adventures!
hilarious story about immigration. have a great time!
Immigration behaves in that maaner also with me:-) You gave the most brilliant answers girl... Have fun in America and return safely to us:-)
B - I can't believe you finally comment! I have shopped although not as much as you would have expected! Pressie, what pressie?
;-) See you on Monday xx
Broom - I love the designer outlet malls. Chicago here I come!
Zee - Thank you and I'll have to swing by Boston on one of my visits. I'd better start saving!
DD - Hello there! I swear I don't mean to be charming. I think I'm being cheeky, even rude sometimes but it seems to go down very well! I'll borrow your stick.... ;-)
Jamy - I'm gutted! Next time though x
Wyn - Thank you, although I blame cabin fever and the fact that we were all trapped together in that poxy room!
Blug - I can't believe I'm in the vicinity of you. I'm the lady with the red rose in her hair...joke. I should get myself a t-shirt. If I know you Blug, you've probably put out a search on me ;-)
Cincy - Thank you Cincy. I've sometimes thought of moving over here for good, but maybe part of why I love it so much is because I don't live here permanently. I have lived here for months at a time (Baltimore, Fort Lauderdale) and it's not something I would rule out in the future. I haven't drunk as much as I normally would here, but I will do my best to entertain!
Serially Single - Welcome back and thank you! Hope you're much better!
Kathleen - I think they like the ladies with the English accent. Thank you and I'll be back tomorrow x
And I was going to accuse you of stalking!
(Since your the one who "coincidentally" flew all the way to Baltimore)
Here's a hint to help you in your stalk. Head north some, then east of Columbia for a bit. Exit the highway. Take a couple of rights and some lefts and drive about a quater mile or so.
You'll recognize me, I'll be the one in the pants.
Don't worry Blug. Before I left I notified the po-lice and gave them your 'description'! ;-) I'm sure they won't have too much trouble finding you!
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