I Heart America
Ever since my first trip to the States back in '97 I have loved this country. To be truthful I've been besotted with America from my childhood and badgered my parents to get jobs out here so that I could live the 'American Dream', have gleaming white teeth and behave like an adult even though I was only at high school. I'll be truthful, one of the prevailing things I love about this country is the shopping. The outlets, the bloody brilliant exchange rate, and the fabulous sales. I love the people too. Some of my closest friends are from the US and I think that as a nation, people are pretty friendly. Some of the best times of my life have been in this country and it's safe to say, America rocks, even if Bush is at the helm....
I think part of my success here in the US is the whole English, Irish exotic thing. It's got me discounts, jobs, free food and drink and unwanted attention......
After oodles of sleep, I got up on Thursday and headed off to the mall, where I didn't really shop very much. I have vowed in this trip to only buy items that 1)I need or 2) scream 'Don't f*cking leave the country without me!' I have stuck to this and it means that I will not be going back home with a ton of stuff.
Thursdays purchases - Head scarf, black wraparound top, 3 knitted brooches, a load of Victoria Secret body spray, shower gel and moisturiser, and a very nice white shirt for work.
Throughout my jaunt in the mall I kept being approached by strange men young and old. 'Hello pretty lady';'Hey sweet thang';'Hey, you have such a pretty smile' or 'Can I take you home?' Each time this happened I would flush with embarrassment, nod, and then run into a shop to hide. Since when have I become so approachable? ;-)
My friend and I spent Thursday night drinking with a friend at her condo, and I was very naughty mixing wine and vodka and passed out at some point.... I blame the jet lag....
Friday was spent at an outlet mall where I fared a bit better shopping wise.
2 pairs of fabulous sexy work shoes for just under $80 instead of almost $500!, a skirt which will probably spend most of the summer blowing up on the way to and from work, 2 tops, sexy nightdress, 2 more funky brooches, yoga mat (let me at least pretend that I will use it), the most funk-da-funk knit and fur poncho that makes me look very glamorous, and kitchen stuff from Oxo Good Grips (I have a penchant for this stuff-Am I nesting?)
I was in one store when a guy popped out of nowhere, took my hand and introduced himself.
Weirdo 1: I just had to introduce myself to you. You are beautiful. Look at that pretty smile. Just look at that pretty smile.
Then a while later....
Weirdo 2: Mmmm. Mmmm. Mmm. I could just eat you up!
I've heard about the freaky stuff that happens to people here, so I sped up my pace
And lets not forget the shop assistants....
Weirdo 3 had tried to sell me something I didn't need for my iPod but also had other things on his mind.
Weirdo 3: So.....can I take you out tonight?
NML: No thanks
Weirdo 3: Can I have your number?
NML: I don't have one.
Weirdo 4: Are you pregnant? (and he moves towards me as if to touch me)
NML: Are you f*cking crazy? No I am not pregnant. Are you trying to say I look pregnant? (Obviously he is and I try to pull in my little steroid tummy)
Weirdo 3: Ignore him. No you don't look pregnant at all. You're very hot. Very, very hot.
NML: Well if you two think I'm buying anything, you've another think coming! Where I come from what you just said is very rude.
Weirdo 4: You don't look pregnant, but the top you're wearing is a pregnancy type top. I'm very sorry. Can I have your number? (Admittedly I wore the top because I am conscious of my little tummy)
Weirdo 3: No, shut up! Can I have your number?
NML: Does your manager know how you speak to customers?
Weirdo 3: I am the manager.
NML: Whatever. I'm not interested. See ya! (And I tried to walk away with my head held high and the little tummy pulled in)
Weirdo 3 comes running up to me
NML: Seriously, get away from me.
Weirdo 3: I want to eat you right now.
NML: Ugh. Piss off will you!
What is it with these imbeciles saying they want to eat me? Are they saying I look good enough to eat in that silly compliment way? Are they cannibals? Or, holy Mary, are they saying they want to go down on me? How rude!
Then there was the nail kit selling creature. He was camper than a field of tents......
Weirdo 5: I can't believe you aren't married. Are you too fussy?
NML: I don't know. Why don't you ask my rabbit? (I can't believe some of the sh*t guys come out with. They force me to say these things!)
Weirdo 5: A girl like you should be married by now. Look at you! What are you? 23? (Barely able to hide his disgust!)
NML: I'm.....27, almost 28. (Cue lots of screaming)
Weirdo 5: Oh my God! You must buy this nail kit. You need to sort your nails and then you get the husband.
NML: If there is one thing I am damn sure of, it's that buying a nail kit for $60 is not going to snare me a husband. Now, you have a nice day. Oh and cut your nails will you? Mens nails are not supposed to be that long!
There were more weirdos than I care to remember.......
We went out last night for a slap up meal and drinks, where I think with the aid of jet lag I got a bit drunk again, and at one point fell asleep for about 3 seconds. This caused everyone to piss themselves laughing and me to feel incredibly embarrassed and completely confused. There wasn't any totty out last night although I did people watch out the window. Baltimore is not full of the hot men that I used to see through beer goggles when I was 20!
Today is my last day and I'm not sure what I'm doing but I'm going out in DC tonight and going straight from wherever I go to the airport. I don't have to be at the airport till around 5am so DC had better watch out! Hopefully on my last night I will not be hit by jet lag.
I am going back to sleep as I it's 8.30am and last nights wine is making me feel a little off....
I think part of my success here in the US is the whole English, Irish exotic thing. It's got me discounts, jobs, free food and drink and unwanted attention......
After oodles of sleep, I got up on Thursday and headed off to the mall, where I didn't really shop very much. I have vowed in this trip to only buy items that 1)I need or 2) scream 'Don't f*cking leave the country without me!' I have stuck to this and it means that I will not be going back home with a ton of stuff.
Thursdays purchases - Head scarf, black wraparound top, 3 knitted brooches, a load of Victoria Secret body spray, shower gel and moisturiser, and a very nice white shirt for work.
Throughout my jaunt in the mall I kept being approached by strange men young and old. 'Hello pretty lady';'Hey sweet thang';'Hey, you have such a pretty smile' or 'Can I take you home?' Each time this happened I would flush with embarrassment, nod, and then run into a shop to hide. Since when have I become so approachable? ;-)
My friend and I spent Thursday night drinking with a friend at her condo, and I was very naughty mixing wine and vodka and passed out at some point.... I blame the jet lag....
Friday was spent at an outlet mall where I fared a bit better shopping wise.
2 pairs of fabulous sexy work shoes for just under $80 instead of almost $500!, a skirt which will probably spend most of the summer blowing up on the way to and from work, 2 tops, sexy nightdress, 2 more funky brooches, yoga mat (let me at least pretend that I will use it), the most funk-da-funk knit and fur poncho that makes me look very glamorous, and kitchen stuff from Oxo Good Grips (I have a penchant for this stuff-Am I nesting?)
I was in one store when a guy popped out of nowhere, took my hand and introduced himself.
Weirdo 1: I just had to introduce myself to you. You are beautiful. Look at that pretty smile. Just look at that pretty smile.
Then a while later....
Weirdo 2: Mmmm. Mmmm. Mmm. I could just eat you up!
I've heard about the freaky stuff that happens to people here, so I sped up my pace
And lets not forget the shop assistants....
Weirdo 3 had tried to sell me something I didn't need for my iPod but also had other things on his mind.
Weirdo 3: So.....can I take you out tonight?
NML: No thanks
Weirdo 3: Can I have your number?
NML: I don't have one.
Weirdo 4: Are you pregnant? (and he moves towards me as if to touch me)
NML: Are you f*cking crazy? No I am not pregnant. Are you trying to say I look pregnant? (Obviously he is and I try to pull in my little steroid tummy)
Weirdo 3: Ignore him. No you don't look pregnant at all. You're very hot. Very, very hot.
NML: Well if you two think I'm buying anything, you've another think coming! Where I come from what you just said is very rude.
Weirdo 4: You don't look pregnant, but the top you're wearing is a pregnancy type top. I'm very sorry. Can I have your number? (Admittedly I wore the top because I am conscious of my little tummy)
Weirdo 3: No, shut up! Can I have your number?
NML: Does your manager know how you speak to customers?
Weirdo 3: I am the manager.
NML: Whatever. I'm not interested. See ya! (And I tried to walk away with my head held high and the little tummy pulled in)
Weirdo 3 comes running up to me
NML: Seriously, get away from me.
Weirdo 3: I want to eat you right now.
NML: Ugh. Piss off will you!
What is it with these imbeciles saying they want to eat me? Are they saying I look good enough to eat in that silly compliment way? Are they cannibals? Or, holy Mary, are they saying they want to go down on me? How rude!
Then there was the nail kit selling creature. He was camper than a field of tents......
Weirdo 5: I can't believe you aren't married. Are you too fussy?
NML: I don't know. Why don't you ask my rabbit? (I can't believe some of the sh*t guys come out with. They force me to say these things!)
Weirdo 5: A girl like you should be married by now. Look at you! What are you? 23? (Barely able to hide his disgust!)
NML: I'm.....27, almost 28. (Cue lots of screaming)
Weirdo 5: Oh my God! You must buy this nail kit. You need to sort your nails and then you get the husband.
NML: If there is one thing I am damn sure of, it's that buying a nail kit for $60 is not going to snare me a husband. Now, you have a nice day. Oh and cut your nails will you? Mens nails are not supposed to be that long!
There were more weirdos than I care to remember.......
We went out last night for a slap up meal and drinks, where I think with the aid of jet lag I got a bit drunk again, and at one point fell asleep for about 3 seconds. This caused everyone to piss themselves laughing and me to feel incredibly embarrassed and completely confused. There wasn't any totty out last night although I did people watch out the window. Baltimore is not full of the hot men that I used to see through beer goggles when I was 20!
Today is my last day and I'm not sure what I'm doing but I'm going out in DC tonight and going straight from wherever I go to the airport. I don't have to be at the airport till around 5am so DC had better watch out! Hopefully on my last night I will not be hit by jet lag.
I am going back to sleep as I it's 8.30am and last nights wine is making me feel a little off....
13 Comments:
Jealous? Me? Hell, yes. (not of the weirdos though..)
Was in the US a month ago and I'm missing it like crazy.
Enjoy!
Sorry you had to run into the weirdos - you handled them beautifully!
I'm glad you had fun shopping.
Some of us are just wierdo magnets eh? Am absolutely loving the "ask my rabbit" remark-- crack me up! I'll have to file that one away for future reference, hope you don't mind!
Some of us are just wierdo magnets eh? Am absolutely loving the "ask my rabbit" remark-- crack me up! I'll have to file that one away for future reference, hope you don't mind!
yay exotic card! i don't feel it in the least now (chinese in vancouver). what would shock the vancouverites would be a british accent from a chinese girl... or a southern accent =D my impression (your other readers will hate me for this) is that "americans" are more impressed with something different in their midst and people (esp. in vancouver) just accept it.
otherwise, i'm sure a grown man telling a grown woman he doesn't know he wants to eat her can be construed as anything but horribly s*xual. it's a different case when a grown person says it to a toddler!
Sounds like our American men have made a GREAT impression. Wowsers!! Good to hear you're enjoying our shopping, but wine and vodka? WHAT THE HELL? You sauce hound, you!!
i nearly died laughing at the weirdo conversations, especially weirdos # 3 and 4, wtf???
also, did you buy a new suitcase for all that stuff you bought? sounds like you are having the best time ever! i'm very jealous :)
Sorry. I meant the eating thing purely as a compliment. Not in the sense literal or in the perv.
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NML! I see you forgot to bring your stick with you. Don't leave home without it! :)
Are you sure you still Heart America? :)
I hope you had a safe flight back!!
PS. We're not all pervs in America like those Weirdos! :)
SerialLoser - Welcome. Love the blog by the way. I love the US minus the weirdos and I plan to go back again later in the year.Do come back and visit! (the blog that is)
Broom - I have become expert at handling weirdos.... Is that a good or a bad thing? ;-)
K - Some bastard has pinned a sign on my back and written on my forehad in a special marker that is only visible to weirdos. The sign says 'NML LOVES Weirdo's. Please approach me!' Please use the rabbit remark - I am flattered!
Wyn - Absolutely. I must admit that in American terms, I am shockingly exotic, and even in England I am. There is an essential thing about me that always throws them, but maybe i should remain mysterious.... It's true though, open your mouth in America with a foreign accent and people are riveted. The eating thing is just plain revolting. Ugh!
HDL - Wine and vodka don't mix. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Oh, that's right... I wasn't. I was drrunnnk. ;-)
Serially Single - Fortunately I didn't have to buy a suitcase as I brought my big Samsonite, which was barely half full when I arrived. I nearly died of shock having to put up with those weirdos! :-)
Blug - Hilarious! Damn! If i'd realised it was you I would have said yes! ;-)
Dating In Miami - I KNOW you're joking because you're too suave to come out with BS like that!
DD - Hey DD! I know you're not all pervs! Just a lot of them...joke;-)
I CANNOT believe that people would act that way around you! You need to try to seem a little less approachable.
Perhaps you should also take a couple classes to learn how to knock their nuts into their throats. Or... just use the threat...that my help hold them at bay. :)
Sorry, how embarrasing... I just CANNOT believe it!
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