Niggling Little Thoughts

Now I must say thanks to 'most' of those who commented about the 'blow out' on Saturday night. I must confess that shortly after I finished the post, I felt miles better about the whole thing and realised that it was far better that he had stayed home than try to force himself to be awake through an entire evening. He phoned and text me loads of times on Saturday night and I felt like a bit of a cow for being in a mood over it. To be honest it was motivated by disappointment. If I wasn't interested in him, I wouldn't give a sh*t. What I did ensure was that he knew that it was fine and that I understood, and we've had a few giggles over it

As it was, by 8pm that evening when I was contemplating heading off to a party, my body started to stiffen and an hour later I could barely get off the sofa. I had a delightful evening with me, myself and I, and I must say, I make fabulous company! Lots of crap TV and DVDs followed by a blissful nights sleep. The Contender thought it was hilarious that not only did I embark on an exercise class but could barely walk from it and as he struggled to get into sleep mode on Saturday night, he took the piss out of me.

And he had the opportunity to tease me further when I saw him last night. As usual we had a laugh and a giggle and I'm very sure that I still fancy him. He still makes me howl with laughter and I keep discovering similarities or little things that allow me to gain a deeper insight into him. It's nice to be with someone who likes me for me and I feel very comfortable around him. He isn't perfect (like anybody) and he does wind me up when he loses sense of time sometimes but right now I am happy with him. Maybe the only worrying thing if that if we continue to see each other, is he going to be comfortable admitting it?

The close friends in our circle know although I blabbled to the girls ages ago (sure that's what we do!) and he has told the lads that he's been seeing me but he's been very coy about it with them and according to him 'grinning a lot' when they grill him. But in the bigger, wider picture, will he be wanting to admit to all and sundry that he is seeing someone else? I'm not talking about right now as it's relatively early days, but after the fiasco of MBF, I don't want to play the part of Big Secret for months to come. It's not a huge concern right now as we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but hopefully at least one other person out there can understand the little niggling thought?

Niggling thought aside, the main thing is that I'm having a good time and putting MBF behind me. I spoke to him today and I was a bit irritable and at the time I wasn't sure why. Thinking back though, he was asking me questions about my trip to the US and I felt like he was making conversation and that he just wanted to talk for any reason. I got this tense feeling in my stomach and I know I sounded a bit off with him. Sometimes it's hard to do the whole 'Lets Be Friends' thing and I know I need to be patient and let things roll off my back. I haven't seen very much of him lately and I think that's a good thing because we needed a break from each other. I couldn't bear the intensity of it all.

I guess it's 'Out with the old, in with the new' and I need to keep pushing forwards. There are a lot of good things in my life right now and whilst I won't be dwelling on the past, I must learn from it. I'm dead impatient sometimes and I feel like demanding that a DVD gets put in with footage of what is going to happen in the near future. Now of course I know that's not going to happen, and in truth, who would want to know exactly what was going to happen to them? Life would be dead boring then, and that's one thing I can never say my life is!