Stay Off The Relationship Crack

In light of Dating In Miami's current situation, I feel the need to do a list again. This time it's all about Some of the Things That Women Do That Make NML Wonder If We're on Relationship Crack. I don't claim to be innocent of these things by the way, but I am calling it as I see it.

1. Trying to fix a guy. This winds me up no end. (Even my ma does this!) The woman meets a guy who is not up to scratch, in her eyes, and then spends the entire relationship trying to fix him, and berating him for not being the things that she wants him to be. Hot Tip: Go with a guy that you don't need to do all the work on or better still, love him for himself.

2. Orchestrating situations. Take Dating In Miami. His ex told his friends mother-in-law a rather skewed version of why they broke up and that they broke up because she got tired of waiting for him to propose. All of this naturally culminated in Dating In Miami hearing it back and now he is meeting her. Result! Maybe I'm being too suspicious on this occasion but I know lots of women who orchestrate situations to get a reaction. That's game playing and manipulative and it doesn't score brownie points. Most of all, from the female perspective, why give yourself that type of headache playing master puppeteer? It just makes you feel more insecure at the end of the day.

3. Becoming interested because he now seems unavailable. I could use Dating In Miami's situation as an example but there are countless women that do it. I have done it and if I could give myself a good lash across the arse with a belt, I would, but I can't, so instead I've gotten sensible. What is it about when a man shows interest that makes some women completely indifferent/uninterested? And what is it about these same women that when the man moves on or appears to have some of the space in his heart rented out to someone else, that she all of a sudden professes her great interest in him and is chasing him? There is something so messed up with that scenario that if you're a woman that does it, please stop. If you weren't interested when he appeared to be available, I doubt that you're truly interested just because he's become unavailable or appears emotionally distant.

4. Being really interested because he is definitely unavailable. Married/engaged/going out or unavailable to drink/drugs/or some other thing that is causing him to be emotionally stunted. I've seen the error of my ways but no matter how much I regard how I felt for MBF, I must have been on crack. Why do women that are interested in/seeing unavailable men think that they're different to every other woman who was ever in her situation? They're not. They're just the other woman and if he really, really loved her, he'd be with her or let her go until he was free to be with her. I know women that only go out with unavailable men and I think that these women choose these guys because it's like these men have had the seal of approval from another woman. If he's single, they're not interested because there must be something wrong with him if he's not with a woman. Scary but this does happen.

5. Crying for months or years over guys that treated them like shit. One of the things I have found myself saying to 'brokenhearted' friends is 'Do you honestly think that he is at home sobbing his little heart out?' 95% of the time the answer is a firm 'NO', yet there are sh*tloads of tears being shed. I know we all get emotional and things hurt, but when 6 months have gone by and you haven't heard jack sh*t from the muther, and you're still crying and hoping for him to come back, something is very wrong. Which brings me neatly to #6......

6. Making the new guys life difficult over the previous boyfriend(s) that mistreated them. One of the things that is very certain is that you need to be generally over and free of the excess baggage from previous relationships, yet I hear lots of women saying to guys 'Oh X treated me so badly which is why I'm so distrusting' ;'I do fancy you, but it's just so hard after all of my previous relationships'. Why do some women punish the new guy for the old guys mistake? Give the guy a chance. If and when he f*cks up, then you can verbally bust his nuts. And women can give themselves a head start by not choosing the same type of guy over and over again, so that they don't end up with the same results repeatedly. Which again brings me very neatly to #7

7. Same sh*t. Different Guy. It's as simple as this. If you've been out with ten guys that all have some 'bad boy' in them, and they all dicked you around/cheated on you/left you high and dry, it's time to start choosing a different type of guy and examining your poor choices and what's driving them. If every man has cheated on you, it would be interesting to put this down to an appalling run of bad look, but I would put it down to going for the same type/being drawn to the same characteristics. When some women have said to me 'I like a bit of danger';'I do love a bad boy', I've looked at them like they have ten heads. There is nothing exciting about someone treating another person like sh*t. Nice guy doesn't equal drip. I have had my fair share of boyfriends and they have pissed me off no end for whatever reason, but I can take comfort in the fact that I have generally steered clear of so-called 'bad boys'. Get with a 'man', one that treats you right.

8. Making excuses for poor behavior. This could bring me to tears. If there is anything that I have learnt from MBF and other exes is that I should only make excuses for myself, and if I had any kids, for them. We're all grown adults, yet I am bewildered by the plethora of excuses that some women conjure up to explain the actions of their men. It's one thing if that's what he said it was, but more often than not, I have found that these women add up the various insights that he has given them into his past, and then play Oprah/Dr Phil/Ricki Lake and draw their own conclusions. I recently overheard a woman saying 'I know he's being a right bastard to me, but he had such a difficult childhood, and his ex was such a b*tch. You can hardly blame him for being the way he is'. No, but this guy can blame her for it all.

When I think of more I'll include them, but there were defnitely a couple of moments when I cringed reading that list back to myself.

Anyway.......

I tell you, going away with work is not all it's cracked up to be. I am shattered and I feel like I have been at work for 36 hours! Actually it wasn't all that bad and I had a laugh, but I couldn't get home quick enough. Naturally I couldn't leave without some sort of calamity, and this time it took the form of me almost ripping my clothing and being caught in a compromising position....

In my efforts to pack lightly, today's outfit consisted of a black wraparound dress with my FMB's. It took about two hours for me to realise that I hadn't actually tied the strings inside the dress hence me feeling a bit odd in the bloody thing. (I think I was half asleep when I checked out this morning) I became fixated on tying the string there and then and shoved my hand inside the dress to try to tie it discreetly and as I started to tie it, I heard the sound of fabric starting to rip. I froze and looked up to see a man staring rather curiously at me. I looked at myself with the patterned tights, FMB's and the dress slightly askew, and I can't say I blame the guy for thinking that I was fiddling with myself...........