Why Do Men Blow Hot & Cold?
After three months it looks like The Contender and I (TC) are either brewing up for a big 'discussion' or a break up, and that's if there is something for us to break up from. I am calm, but I tell you lot this for nothing - I am NOT putting up with this hot and cold shit. Why are men so bloody fickle? One minute they're all over you like a cheap suit, next thing you don't see them for dust?
TC is on thin f*cking ice. If he keeps going I'll be stabbing that ice with my high heels and watching him go under. I finally heard from him late yesterday afternoon....by text message. Not a phonecall, a text message.
'Hi sorry not been in touch. Hope you are still ok since the tablet reduction.....' (yes he did put the dots in!)
I was more than a littled peeved when I read this and replied with:
'I haven't been. I've been pretty ill. Anyway....I figured you're very busy. Have a good weekend'
About 30 minutes go by and TC decides to phone me with his great timing...whilst I'm in the bathroom. His message is interesting to say the least. He states that he has actually been busy (no sh*t sherlock) and that he's been working late, that he's so worried about me and can I text or phone him. Right.....
So I phoned him a while later and naturally his phone rang and went to voicemail and I left a message which was polite but brisk, letting him know that I had obviously got his message, not to worry and that I was at home. Nothing since.
Yes - TC is sooooo worried about me that he doesn't see fit to return my call in over twenty-four hours. TC really is obviously a very busy man. Sooo busy that a text message will suffice unless I say I'm ill. I don't want anyone thinking they have to phone me because I'm not well. he should be bloody well phoning me whether I'm cartwheeling all over my flat or snuggled under my sick blanket. A text message is not what you do when you haven't spoken to the woman you've been seeing for over 3 months! For once, I will not hold back anything. Yesterday when I read the text message I thought 'What a cock!' and I wasn't being complementary......
Much as I like TC, we have a laugh, we have good chemistry bla, bla, bla, there is no way on earth that I am putting up with this. My hairdresser asked me if he was good in bed earlier when I mentioned my annoyance and I was like 'I don't care if he makes me scream till fireworks shoot out of me. I don't care if a man gives me 10 orgasms in a row - there is no man that is worth putting up with this sh*t from.' (Please note that TC does not do either of these things and I was exaggerating for effect)
TC needs to decide if he's running his hot or his cold tap. I appreciate that he has got other things going on, and I have been more than understanding and accommodating of his situation,(Selling house that he still owns with ex girlfriend of a number of years etc), but this does not mean that his behavior is excusable or acceptable. Should he assume that his problems take precendence and that I will let him do as he likes? Why does he assume that whatever is going on his life is far more important than mine?
Well I've got news for you TC - I ain't no fool. My mama has said to me that a man will only get away with what he's allowed to. Well TC you're time is up. Maybe I have been too lenient. Maybe by being understanding and undemanding he's taken it into his head that I will be OK no matter what he does. Wrong TC, guess again.
I would rather be alone than put up with this BS. I am not that hard up for a man and I'm not afraid of my own company. I will never be one of those women that will stay with a guy regardless of what he does, so TC is in for a rude awakening. That's if I ever hear from him again!
For all of those who are interested, I feel better today. My stomach is still tender but at least my arse doesn't feel like I've been somebody's prison bitch! Oh and happy Independence Day to all of my friends in the US. Get drunk for me please!
TC is on thin f*cking ice. If he keeps going I'll be stabbing that ice with my high heels and watching him go under. I finally heard from him late yesterday afternoon....by text message. Not a phonecall, a text message.
'Hi sorry not been in touch. Hope you are still ok since the tablet reduction.....' (yes he did put the dots in!)
I was more than a littled peeved when I read this and replied with:
'I haven't been. I've been pretty ill. Anyway....I figured you're very busy. Have a good weekend'
About 30 minutes go by and TC decides to phone me with his great timing...whilst I'm in the bathroom. His message is interesting to say the least. He states that he has actually been busy (no sh*t sherlock) and that he's been working late, that he's so worried about me and can I text or phone him. Right.....
So I phoned him a while later and naturally his phone rang and went to voicemail and I left a message which was polite but brisk, letting him know that I had obviously got his message, not to worry and that I was at home. Nothing since.
Yes - TC is sooooo worried about me that he doesn't see fit to return my call in over twenty-four hours. TC really is obviously a very busy man. Sooo busy that a text message will suffice unless I say I'm ill. I don't want anyone thinking they have to phone me because I'm not well. he should be bloody well phoning me whether I'm cartwheeling all over my flat or snuggled under my sick blanket. A text message is not what you do when you haven't spoken to the woman you've been seeing for over 3 months! For once, I will not hold back anything. Yesterday when I read the text message I thought 'What a cock!' and I wasn't being complementary......
Much as I like TC, we have a laugh, we have good chemistry bla, bla, bla, there is no way on earth that I am putting up with this. My hairdresser asked me if he was good in bed earlier when I mentioned my annoyance and I was like 'I don't care if he makes me scream till fireworks shoot out of me. I don't care if a man gives me 10 orgasms in a row - there is no man that is worth putting up with this sh*t from.' (Please note that TC does not do either of these things and I was exaggerating for effect)
TC needs to decide if he's running his hot or his cold tap. I appreciate that he has got other things going on, and I have been more than understanding and accommodating of his situation,(Selling house that he still owns with ex girlfriend of a number of years etc), but this does not mean that his behavior is excusable or acceptable. Should he assume that his problems take precendence and that I will let him do as he likes? Why does he assume that whatever is going on his life is far more important than mine?
Well I've got news for you TC - I ain't no fool. My mama has said to me that a man will only get away with what he's allowed to. Well TC you're time is up. Maybe I have been too lenient. Maybe by being understanding and undemanding he's taken it into his head that I will be OK no matter what he does. Wrong TC, guess again.
I would rather be alone than put up with this BS. I am not that hard up for a man and I'm not afraid of my own company. I will never be one of those women that will stay with a guy regardless of what he does, so TC is in for a rude awakening. That's if I ever hear from him again!
For all of those who are interested, I feel better today. My stomach is still tender but at least my arse doesn't feel like I've been somebody's prison bitch! Oh and happy Independence Day to all of my friends in the US. Get drunk for me please!
18 Comments:
Maybe he has been busy sorting out a suprise for you - Ok thats not likely but ya never know!
You've actually given me a right giggle with that comment! Unlikely that that's what he's doing, but thanks for making me laugh!
Does this happen to people who haven't commented for a while too?
Actually, I think the person he wants you to be and the person you want to be are travelling in different directions now and you either get the map out to make sure you meet up on the same road again or it's 'On yer bike time'.
What a putz. Tell him to kick rocks. Men I swear.
So glad you are feeling better.
Prison bitch haha I love that!!
J
Hmm.. that's a tough one. Has there been an understanding that you two are officially a couple? Because if there hasn't, he might have the impression that it's just casual and fun. Which it seems to be. I'd imagine after three months he'd get the message, but you do owe it to yourself to not be strung along when you feel it's going nowhere. Just realize though that he may be within his boundaries to do this hot/cold deal if you two aren't exclusive.
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. YGM.
I giggled at the "prison bitch" comment. That's just priceless, NML! :o)
Glad to hear you're feeling better, though and I hope things continue to improve.
I'm at a loss over the TC question: on the one hand, if you haven't had The Exclusivity Conversation, perhaps he is of the mindset DD suggests: checking in with you, liking you, but not feeling obligated to be ever-present.
On the other hand, if you're sleeping together and spending lots of time together and obviously into each other, the least he could do would be to call you promptly when he's back from holiday and, when he learned you were deathly ill, come rushing to your bedside. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Sounds like it's time for The Conversation. Ugh. Good luck.
I'm not sure what's worse: getting fired or getting dumped. (And now that I think about it, I've had both happen in the last 2 months. Excuse me now while I go off myself... Bahhh!)
Okay I'm going to start with DD's question. Now, call me old fashioned if you like but from the ten orgasms comment I'm assuming that, regardless of numbers, there has been horizontal action and to me that constitutes some tacit agreement of coupledom!
However, you must remember that, as I believe I have mentioned before, guys sometimes need a little push, relationship-wise. And when I say "a little push" I of course mean "a big whack around the head with a baseball bat". It sounds to me like it's time to take aim.
But remember, in baseball, there's a "three strikes and out" rule. Seems to me this one will be the third strike. Have "the conversation", and make damned sure there is no room for ambiguity. Sorry, but this "ex-girlfriend/house" thing seems to have been dragging on far too long. How the damned hell long does it take anyone to sort out a former relationship??? Time to get tough I think. Take control.
Love your blog. Amazing how international this is. I link to a few dating blogs in the dc area, including at least one on your blog roll. This blogging ... is something. Cheers.
It's been a LONG time since I read something so utterly in tune with what i'm feeling too.
I love that you can be so determined. I have spent this weekend on a see saw of emotions while "T" gives me mixed signals about the future.
I may take a leaf out of your book and jam a stilletto heel through that thin ice!!
BTW - prison bitch?? LMAO, that's hilarious....
I hope you're feeling a little better too :)
This really strikes a chord with me! Perhaps it's a three month thing?
My "wonderful" boyfriend has suddenly apparently disappeared off the face of the planet. I have made excuses for his absence for the last ten days, but now I've realised that if I meant anything to him, he'd have made some gesture.
You have to get the right balance between giving the relationship a chance and your own sanity. If he's driving you mad, is he really worth it? And what about the next time it happens?
I'm heartbroken that I'm going to have to finish with my boyfriend by posting him a letter (!) but there comes a time when you have to stop making excuses for despicable behaviour and claw back some of your dignity.
Good luck
GREAT strong woman attitude, EVEN while sick! I'm proud of you. Hold your ground and let him have it, and if he can't man up, then he's DISMISSED. I'm staying tuned.
Hey NML, the way I see it; is you have one of two options.
Option 1: Have the chat. If you haven't had the chat yet he's probably expecting it anyway.
Option 2: Play his game. Walk the other way - he'll probably do an about turn and come running after you... I speak as one, who from time to time performs these spins.
Busy is the crappest excuse in the history of excuses and it's also a little rude! We make time for activities and those we care about. You and I know that no-one is that busy.
Ex-girlfriend, house.... blah blah blah... I think you've given him enough space and leeway. Reading your blog; he sounds like a nice guy and you seem to get along very well.... but as you rightly point out that's no excuse for the ambiguity.
Like DD says it should be clear what the boundaries of the relationship are.
I think it's D-day TC!
Disgraceful behaviour. Seriously. Once he found out you were ill he should have rang until you answered. If he cared. Or called round. Or SOMETHING to show he cared. Regardless of what he had going on, there's no excuse.
Very, very shoddy. In a nutshell, he doesn't deserve you.
Why do men run hot and cold? They don't. Not if they care.
i'm happy to hear you are feeling better after the bad end of the week.
i didn't know TC was being so cold. you know, we are from a generation that knows life before the internet and SMS. to me, it seems texting to see if you're okay is just so... lazy. IM when he sees you online is lazy. that's what i'm going through with some "friends" (classmates) in vancouver, and so i write them off if they don't try harder. even if you guys never officially agreed on anything, it's three months, it's exclusive, it's not totally casual. i'm not sure i would make a huge scene, but i might be really cold in return and learn to not care to lose him.
You have the right additude, You are not going to settle for this BS. You will rise gracefully from this situation -- you always do. You're doing the right thing. You don't deserve this BS behaviour.
Greavsie - Of course not! Unless of course you're going to give me the blankety blank cheque book and pen for ages! ;-) I think you have put it very eloquently and it is about that time....
Joney - I hear ya. Glad I'm giving you more phrases for your repertoire!
DD - A lot of what you said resonated with me and I must admit that it's a bloody handy thing that I read your post this morning! Lucky for TC really..... As usual your advice is eerily spot on!
Zee - I'm glad you could laugh, my ass couldn't ;-) Again, all of the points that you've raised are valid and fit with my frame of mind today. Unfortunately I don't feel comfortable having The Conversation unless we're face to face. {hugs} You've been through a very rough time and i really feel for you!
Alan - Oh you are so wise and on point. I am armed with baseball bats although I'm not quite sure if I'm going to be bothered to use them. I accept as well that I have allowed the ambiguity to develop to this point. You're right though, I'm taking control.
KOB - Thank you and welcome. There is a very international vibe on here and I love it too!
Serendipity - Everybody loves that prison bitch thing! I hope you're OK and don't let T get you down. The trick is not to let it get on top of you or place all of the blame on yourself. xx
Anon - Welcome and thank you. I think you could be right about this 3 month thing. Make no more excuses for your man - he should be ashamed of himself. We live in a day of modern technology which enables me to be palmed off with a text, surely your guy could've got in touch!? I am at a very difficult point with TC so I'm snatching back the control. I should never have lost it in the first place. How awful that you have to post your guy a letter - I feel like going around there and having a word with him myself! Your attitude sounds just right and I sense that you'll be OK. Good luck and take care x
HDL - Thank you Twin! Oh have I got a tale to tell! Unfortunately no show down though.
NK - My boy! Welcome back. I should beat you! I thought you were coming to visit and why do you always miraculously appear when I have love woes? Option 1 has been put on the back burner and I've gone with Option 2. I believe your advice as it's spoken like a true pro! Your so cheesy with that last line. I miss ya xx
Serial - Damn! You definitely have my back and I love it. I really felt every word you wrote. That last line cut through me and you make sense....
Wyn - You think a lot like I do and I hate laziness (although I'm not the best at keeping in contact) but relationship laziness is irritating...although reading the comments today, maybe i'm not in a relationship.....I think your suggestion is right though :-)
August - Thank you for your reassurance. You've given me a very big smile.
Why do men blow hot and cold? Because we allow them to:-)) Kathleen
why do women blow hot and cold?
ive just had a woman blow me out after being totaly loved up with me and within 2 days she has went the total oposite way blaming everything she can other than herself.
seems its us humans who have the issues not males in particular.
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