Teachers Pet - The Willy or The Mouse
Spoke with my date from Friday night on Sunday evening and it seems that we've returned to the land of stilted conversations. Let's just say that the atmosphere was as stiff as his dick on Friday night...... We didn't talk about anything in particular and he seemed oblivious to my lack of moho (worrying) and referred to me as 'beautiful' and 'pretty' in replacement of my name. The phrase "All talk no action" springs to mind. I need a bit of a breather and fortunately I am completely up to my eyes at the moment between work and Baggage Reclaim, that I can put him to the back of mind. I'll probably meet up with him at the weekend...during the day...
What do you do when you discover that one of England's most well known footballers is standing less than a metre away from you waiting to pay for food at Nando's? Well I debated with M for a few moments as to who the hell he was, realised that it was in fact David James, our goalkeeper in Euro 2004 who I defended for his cock ups based mostly on the fact that he was fabulous eye candy, and then discussed in hushed tones the fact that he's not very hot stuff at all in real life. We did all of this whilst ignoring Lu who was going nuts at the table where she waiting for us. I'm disappointed that he isn't hot totty....sometimes people are better left on TV....
Chaos broke out just yesterday just after 10am when Male Best Friend spotted a mouse/rat and everyone went nuts. OK, mostly the girls went nuts and the guys laughed their heads off. That was of course until the bloody thing ran under one of the lads desks. I've never seen a man leave a room so quickly! Apparently the comedy moment was when I realised that I was huddled on top of the filing cabinet. Don't ask me how I got there, all I know is that it felt safe and it was instinct.
I don't have to worry about clearing the cobwebs away because my mojo is back and I cannot deny that I feel relieved. I may not be the type of woman who gets herself off when noone else is around to do it, but I like the comfort of knowing that I am still capable of feeling something. I spent over two days thinking that my bits had gone numb, but it just turns out that my body is engaging in quality control. It seems that the knead my nipples like playdough and the jab my bits like pin the tail on the donkey game falls short of the mark.
As for the teaching that has been suggested, I won't disregard it as an idea, but I have to ask myself, do I want to teach a 31 year old man how to do the basics? I am tired! Dating is hard enough without having to actually teach someone what to do when it gets beyond kissing!
You see this is why I keep saying to women that they shouldn't fake it and they should speak up when the guy is repeatedly doing something that they don't like, because it's women like me who have to pick up the bloody pieces and do a serious amount of 'correction' afterwards. Right, I'm off to do a lesson plan! Just joking...
What do you do when you discover that one of England's most well known footballers is standing less than a metre away from you waiting to pay for food at Nando's? Well I debated with M for a few moments as to who the hell he was, realised that it was in fact David James, our goalkeeper in Euro 2004 who I defended for his cock ups based mostly on the fact that he was fabulous eye candy, and then discussed in hushed tones the fact that he's not very hot stuff at all in real life. We did all of this whilst ignoring Lu who was going nuts at the table where she waiting for us. I'm disappointed that he isn't hot totty....sometimes people are better left on TV....
Chaos broke out just yesterday just after 10am when Male Best Friend spotted a mouse/rat and everyone went nuts. OK, mostly the girls went nuts and the guys laughed their heads off. That was of course until the bloody thing ran under one of the lads desks. I've never seen a man leave a room so quickly! Apparently the comedy moment was when I realised that I was huddled on top of the filing cabinet. Don't ask me how I got there, all I know is that it felt safe and it was instinct.
I don't have to worry about clearing the cobwebs away because my mojo is back and I cannot deny that I feel relieved. I may not be the type of woman who gets herself off when noone else is around to do it, but I like the comfort of knowing that I am still capable of feeling something. I spent over two days thinking that my bits had gone numb, but it just turns out that my body is engaging in quality control. It seems that the knead my nipples like playdough and the jab my bits like pin the tail on the donkey game falls short of the mark.
As for the teaching that has been suggested, I won't disregard it as an idea, but I have to ask myself, do I want to teach a 31 year old man how to do the basics? I am tired! Dating is hard enough without having to actually teach someone what to do when it gets beyond kissing!
You see this is why I keep saying to women that they shouldn't fake it and they should speak up when the guy is repeatedly doing something that they don't like, because it's women like me who have to pick up the bloody pieces and do a serious amount of 'correction' afterwards. Right, I'm off to do a lesson plan! Just joking...
18 Comments:
hilarious as usual. i don't think that your david james is supposed to be on tv because of his looks... too bad his looks didn't live up off-screen.
i don't think you need to be a teacher so much as someone to get him to be more considerate, talk to his buddies about how he could improve... i'd be worried to but am not entirely surprised that you're not feeling so excited about this guy after the events of friday. though *that* hadn't transpired, you still gleaned intimate information about him/his behaviour. i hope he can redeem himself as he sounds like a regular good guy.
One thing and one thing only...it ain't ALWAYS down to everyone else to eductae on your behalf. Though at 31 I'd like to think I have AT LEAST the basics down!
well, it's an unfortunate outcome, certainly, but there might be hope for the guy... oh, what am I saying? bad foreplay at 31? and certainly not due to lack of experience, as he HAS lived with a woman. Well, at the very least, you can be pretty darn sure that the in-house ex isn't standing in line for it!
darn shame, though...
LMAO at Vino...yeah NML, the ex either faked it all the way, or realized that he wasn't the teacher's pet. What a waste.
I have to check who David James is before i jump on either bandwagon:)
If he can't cut it in the sack, what good is he???
So, what you're saying is that all of the hot rugby player who I love may look like shite in person? Oh God...I'm depressed.
Hearing you loud and clear in Australia, NML and been reading for a while. Oh yes, there are strangers all the way down here who know about your..erm..mojo probs, hehe
Just thought I'd finally post and say hi :-)
and I usually date older guys because they usually know what to do. It isn't look good if there are still some out there that need to be taught...I just hope I don't run into them.
Its a crying shame that a 31 year old is lost in the bedroom! Although I have to say I've met plenty of them myself. You are right though - women who fake it in bed are just making it all the more difficult for the next gal who has to pick up the pieces! ugh.
engaging in quality control!
You crack me up!
You should make him watch the sex education sketch from Monty Python's Meaning of Life.
Humphrey: So, just listen. Now, did I or did I not... do... vaginal... juices?
Pupils: Mmm. Mmm. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Humphrey: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.
Watson: R - rubbing the clitoris, sir?
Humphrey: What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
Wymer: Suck the nipple, sir?
Humphrey: Good. Good. Well done, Wymer.
Pupil: Uh, stroking the thighs, sir.
Humphrey: Yes. Yes, I suppose so. Hmm?
Pupil: Oh, sir. Biting the neck.
Humphrey: Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
Watson: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
I found your blog through Dubai VPL City, saw your interesting comments there about shocking stories you had heard about the place. Would you mind telling me some of them?
You have a very nice blog by the way!
I've never been into teaching, NML, and believe me there are just as many women as men who could do with some lessons. (You girls love to jump on the bandwagon, though, don't you?!?)
And David James is a crap goalie, for what it's worth...
It doesn't seem right to be teaching a 30 year old guy! But then again, if I was that 30 year old guy that was absolutely clueless and wanted to work wonders for my girl, then by all means I'd like to know what works best for you. Ultimately, it comes down to how good you want it for yourself!
Wyn - I'm glad it happened now rather than later and it's better for these things to be revealed now. 'Regular' though...
Serial - Well I like to think that at 31, whether you are male or female, you know what you're doing when the clothes come off. And what happened to having sexual compatability?
TGOV - That is a fantastic point re his ex :-)
Vixen - I don't know if I have the energy for it!
NYM - Now you're talking! I would almost guarantee it re the rugby players ';-)
Jazz - Hello and welcome! How funny! I've never thought of it like that! hee hee! Lovely to hear from you and y'all come back now :-)
UB - I'll pray for you!
Audrey - Well I hope we've done our bit for the world and trained our exes in right!
Torren - I try :-)
Mick - Hilarious! I wish I could forward that to him!
FJL - You're funny. I could never be classed as either of those!
Desert Blogger - Hello and welcome! My friend whilst he had a good time, had to put up with awful racism, inherrant racism and it all got rather wearing. No-one wants to be thinking that the police are going to be calling on you again because you're black and people automatically think you're dodgy as f*ck. It sounds like you can have a great time out there socially, but from a work point of view, it was a complete pisstake and when everything you do is based on your skin tone, it's career suicide.
WDKY - Well you are right about the ladies but I'm not in bed with them...
DD - That's the problem - I don't want it enough!
FJL - *I* want to stay selective!
I'm already gettin' tired of this guy. And I'm only reading. Those compliments will only matter when used sporadically and affectionately. It's kinda heading towards overkill, eh?
I will never teach again. Unless I see huge potential. By his age, he should have learned the core basics by now. And if you do teach, it should only be specifics about your preferences.
hi you - I'm back in the mix with internet and getting settled - catching up on your site
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Compliments tend to lose meaning when they are overused...and as for teaching? I tried that once and got quickly bored!
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