Harbour Sharks

As I descended into the club last night I'm sure that beneath the R&B tunes was the very distinct sound of the Jaws themetune. Dudu,dudu,dudududududududududu.......you get the idea. My friend warned me just before we went in that the guys in this club are a bit 'hungry' but I shrugged it off thinking that this would be the average type of evening in a nightclub. You know- get chatted up by at least one bloke, a couple of guys standing a little too close when you're trying to dance etc

We could feel the eyes on us as we walked in and we went straight to the bar, where within moments HB#1 (Harbour Shark #1) used the excuse of the whopping sparkly ring on my finger to edge his way into a conversation. The more chilled easy-going NML chatted away politely and after a few moments left him to go and dance with my friend. It took about 20 minutes for him to locate us where he latched on to my hand, asked for one dance, and then despite the song ending about 2 minutes later, stayed for an hour. I know this sounds awful but my friend and I were dancing together and he was just on the sidelines. I thought he'd realise that I was hanging with my friend, but he didn't, however fortunately he left to go somewhere else. He asked me for my number and I told him I was seeing someone. He tried 3 times before he realised that the digits weren't coming his way.

HB#2, well we couldn't decide which one us he was sharking, but he lingered far too closely for a good hour and we studiously ignored him. At one point when I was really throwing some moves, he took the opportunity to try to take me from behind (sounds so bad) and start dancing with me. I pushed him away from me and hopefully gave him a look that made his willy shrivel to walnut size.

HB#3 had tried to stop me on way back from the bar the first time but I managed to make a clean getaway. Not so successfully the next time, and this man, who could possibly have been old enough to be my dad and dressing worse than him, pawed my arm and hands whilst pestering me for a dance and wanting to know why he can't be lucky enough to have a woman like me. There were so many replies but I kept them inside. NML tries to behave herself these days...

As I danced the night away with my friend, despite a few baby sharks circling, there was no need for a lifeguard to come and rescue me, until HB#4 seemed to pounce on me and scare me into dancing with him. Looking a but thuggish and gangsta and definitely high, this red-eyed man just walked up to me, pulled me to him and pressed himself in for a grind. I managed to wriggle free when HB#5 stepped into the fray on the pretext of 'saving me'. I had a dance with him whilst he did some heavy-duty flirting with me, but noticed that his friends were all looking rather amused at a strange man, who it turns out was HB#5's boss. He wouldn't get lost and kept trying to speak to me so I decided to hear what he had to say. 'That man is married to my sister' - That was the end of HB#5! If looks could kill...........

HB#6 was a man who had decided that the tactic of being really in your face and doing goofy dancing is the way to a woman's heart. He was seriously OTT and we couldn't help but laugh as he played up his dance moves. My friend is hard woman to get past but he even managed to entertain her for a while, which was fortunate because I spent a while with HB#7.....

It wasn't difficult to spot HB#7 as he was wearing a white knitted hat on his shaven head, and a white long sleeve light summer top that would have made another man look camper than a field of tents, but he actually got away with it (I think it helps to have caramel coloured skin). I will admit that I had thought that he was looking at me a couple of times earlier in the evening, but dismissed the thought as you can't assume every man is looking in your direction. So it was quite funny to hear him say 'You know that I was watching you earlier. Don't pretend!'. I shrugged it off and for the next half hour he went uber heavy on the compliments, which when I replayed this all to my friend she howled with laughter.

Apparently I have the most amazing eyes he's ever seen. Now, I'm not dogging myself, but okay, I have dark brown eyes and I have had compliments about them, but I don't think they warranted the worship from HB#7. He kept going on about how deep they are and that they say a lot (difficult to restrain myself from asking him what he thought my eyes were saying about his compliments) and that they're an amazing colour. He proceeded to compliment me, moving on to lips, dancemoves, accent bla, bla, bla. Admittedly, despite the suspiciousness of his compliments, I actually enjoyed chatting away to him. Most women will be flattered when they're showered with compliments, but he was witty, funny, and there was no escaping that he was very good looking. We danced for a while and he kept other Harbour Sharks at bay. I was amused when a girl came over and chatted him up right in front of me. Popular guy.......

However nice my time was with HB#7, I did not forget The Contender. I know we're 'seeing each other' but there's nothing wrong with me having a chat and flirt as I have no intentions of anything happening from it. It's difficult at this stage because you wonder how the other half is playing it when he's out. But this isn't actually about The Contender, it's about me. I want to see how things go with him before I start fielding substitutes. If anything, when I'm out and talking to guys, they remind me of the they remind me of all of the things I like about The Contender because they are all so different!

So I got home safe and sound with a few surface wounds from where I defended myself against the sharks that tried to eat me. I was woken this morning by a text from The Contender so I started the day with a big smile.

Must dash as I have to get ready to go out for the fourth night in a row. I can't believe I'm going to a BBQ, but hopefully it signals that summer is approaching. Made a right cock up of going to the gym today as I missed my class and was too scared to go on the machines without my induction. So I left, had a Milky Bar (whoops) and a good read of Heat (mild celeb gossip mag) and went a bought myself some gym gear so that I don't look like a friggin imposter when I have my induction tomorrow.

Enjoy your weekends x

Woo Hoo - Too drunk to name this

I've just spent the evening at a leaving do for one of the boys Nice. Yet another one of my cronies is departing from here, although much as Nice is a great friend, I have given him plenty an earful about being so achingly nice all the time. He never says a bad word about anything and he tries to make me feel guilty for being a cow sometimes. I'll miss him though and I'm sure a few of the ladies will because he looks quite like Tom Cruise, height and all. Tonight though he seemed to work hard at letting his 'nice' image go and he kept me entertained for most of the evening by flirting and flattering me for most if the evening. He's delighted he was in my Top 3 at work and used this all evening to have a bit of banter.

Right now, for the second night in a row I am just a little worse for wear. I flirted and chatted away like there was no tomorrow and admittedly, I thoroughly enjoyed my evening. The guys think I am really different of late and I can't pin my so-called change down to any one thing. I am too drunk to even figure it out but I guess a lot has to do with general well being and happiness. I had a catch up with The Contender via phone earlier and I grinned from ear to ear the whole way through, and I suddenly realised when I saw my stupid smile in the window, that right now, The Contender makes me very happy. I bade him farewell as he heads off on his trip to Spain and I am totally fine. I intend to enjoy myself this bank holiday and I'll see him when he gets back. No drama.

When I finished the conversation, I had to deal with MBF who was having a pop about everybody changing. By the time I was finished with him he knew where the land lies. He annoys me so much as he gets on this trip about me being so different, but it's more of a case that he hasn't bloody changed. Maybe it was the cocktails but with a few clicks of the fingers, I told him to get a f*cking grip and that if he doesn't like how things are, then change it. I have no intentions of feeling guilty because he doesn't like how his life is. He can f*ck that for a game of soldiers. He seemed stunned when I didn't agree with him and then he laughed and I knew he realised that he it was best not to f*ck with me. The moral of the story is: don't bloody whinge to me about how I am sooo different and how you don't like things when you're still in your 'situation'.

I flirted away with an ex colleague of mine, but mostly because I could and not because I wanted it to go somewhere. I think I want to make sure that I've still got the magic.... ;-) He is hot stuff though but.....

Soooooo going to regret this tomorrow when I'm sober!

I was hanging by a thread earlier after a night out with one of my oldest friends last night where I accidentally had a few too many white wines whilst watching the football. My friend was legless when I arrived and talked to everyone that she came across and kept dragging men over to me. I lost count of the number of times that she said she wants me to get a lovely man so that I can have all the love that she has experienced since meeting her 'One' and getting married last year. She also told me that I am her bluntest friend and the only person who tells it like it is. I cringed with embarrassment when she told her friend about when she introduced one of her exes to me and afterwards I took her aside and said 'What the f*ck is that?' (he was sooo obnoxious) or when I threatened to take my handbag to the biggest bastard she ever went out with, after he treated her so badly. Apparently these are two of the reasons she loves me so much.

I told her friend all about my love life since I became single almost 2 years ago and he nearly fell off the seat laughing. He told me that Sex and The City and Desperate Housewives were his two favourite programmes until he met me. He said talking to me was like watching these programmes. Nice....

Very surreal moment of last night was when my C&C Music Factory's 'Everybody Dance Now' came on, and camper than a field of tents, my friend starts doing dance moves with a chair, whilst I pretend I don't have a clue who she is.............oh the shame... great song though!

I am off to bed. My boss has made me promise not to be hungover tomorrow as apparently I was a grumpy bitch today. Best get some sleep.....

I apologise if this post is f*cked..........I did my best to check it but my stomach is churning from the sneaky McD's double cheeseburger I had on the way home.

Oh and me and B are fine because we got drunk tonight and I told her that she's neglected me but I still love her. For now........

Sleep beckons......writing when drunk so not good

DD's in Doo Doo

I am in a shite mood due to a little too much of the vino last night. I forgot that bloody Dating Dummy (DD) tagged me, so I've been forced to do this:

Turd in a punchbowl
DD's in some serious doo doo
Turd in a punchbowl
Leave me be, I feel like poo

Now, I'm going to try and get out of my horrid mood before I have to go out tonight. Back later....

Oh, and I tag HDL (she' showing her ass today), Serially Single, and Jamy because I felt like it and they'll hate it as much as I do! DD's halo is not twinkling as much today.....

These are the rules.......
1 Simply compose a four-line poem and post it on your blog.
2 The first and third verses of the poem should read “Turd in a punchbowl.”
3 Verses two and four may be about any subject (including turds!) but they must rhyme with each other.
Then pass it on to three fine bloggers

Changes and Noahs Ark

Well I can barely believe it myself, but I joined the gym today. I never, ever thought that I would do this and I've told a few people and they all looked at me as if I have gone mad. To be fair, I probably would never have joined a gym if I hadn't been on steroids for the past year, but either way, I now feel the need to give the whole gym thing a go. I'm giving it 3 months and if I don't use the membership as much as I should (2/3 times a week) then it will be back to the exercise dvd's that spend the majority of the year sitting on the shelf and sit ups that I do in occasional guilty spurts.

I told B off today for neglecting me since she got all snug in her relationship with our friend John. I'm half joking really but I also realise that this is what can happen when your cohorts get hooked up. John is going away for a few weeks and I told her that I bet she'll be phoning, emailing and wanting to go out then! I told her I'll be blanking her (joking) but it has made me realise how much things are changing. It seems that if you don't play the game of Noah's ark and do everything in 2's, then you start to lose touch with friends. Couples seem to be hanging out with couples, and singles, well we all gather together, party it up, bitch about being single (some, not all of us) and each of us eventually p*ss off when we find someone that we can go on the ark with. I wonder if I'll do that when I have a boyfriend? The only difference in my life since I started seeing The Contender is that I have forgotten to watch some of my favourite programmes such as The OC, apparently I smile like a cheshire cat after I have seen or spoken to him, and some of my brain power has been sucked up pondering what the hell is going on.

The shameful thing about not seeing B as much or talking is that we work in the same flipping building. Even more annoying is that John sits about 5 metres away from me and thinks it's funny to make comments about her having found someone better to hang out with. Bastard!

I'm heading off now to meet one of my oldest friends dating all the way back to my 'youth' in Dublin. I was a bridesmaid for her last year ( tres stressful) and I haven't seen her for ages (I guess this is what happens with marriage), and so we're having a few drinks and she's staying at my flat, which is like a bomb has hit the place.

I could sooooo do with another night of long sleep to get rid of this lingering feeling of jet lag! Oh well........

Sh*t Happens

I was supposed to see The Contender this evening as I haven't seen him since a couple of days before I went away and he is away for a few days on a stag weekend until next Monday. I don't mind admitting that I was looking forward to seeing him but it's not happening. He's got to work late unexpectedly as he has a big meeting first thing tomorrow morning which has thwarted the plan. I swore to him that I wouldn't sulk or have a tantrum (I was being humorous!) and so far I haven't. I made a few wisecracks about being blown out...again, but he insists he hasn't blown me out, and to be honest I'm not upset. What would be the point?

This is all new territory for me, this whole slowly does it, gently-gently 'dating' thing and I guess it's safe to say that sh*t happens. I haven't done all of this mallarky for years because I've either known the guys I've gone out with for a while, or they've been so full on, even in the early days that I know exactly where I am because they are bleating on about being my boyfriend before I've even had the chance to decide if I want them to be my boyfriend in the first place.

I have been home for a couple of hours and I didn't give my lack of an evening with The Contender very much thought until I went to write this post. We laughed and joked for a while on the phone and he seems to be interested in me but, well, I'm not going to bust my proverbial nuts thinking about it all the bloody time because I'll drive myself crackers and it will achieve nothing. On top of this I've had enough insight into my thoughts and feelings on The Contender, the exes and relationships in general to realise that as long as I am happy and content in myself, the rest will follow.

I think I am joining a gym as I have decided that steroids or no steroids, it is time for me to get fit and tone up. I am still very tired and it's just crept up on me so I'll be departing for my bed again shortly. It doesn't help that I was practically hobbling by the end of the day courtesy of my sexy new heels from shopping on Friday. Maybe it's best that I didn't see The Contender anyway. My bed is beckoning.......

Jaysus I'm Wrecked!

Ladies and gents, you're having a quickie with me this evening as I am so bleedin' tired, my eyes ache and I'm sure I've been wobbling as I walk. I have not had a decent nights sleep since Friday, I couldn't sleep properly on the bloody flight yesterday, my body is horrendously confused from jet lag, I couldn't sleep properly when I got home last night and some how I managed to blag my way through a day at work.

I had a great time in the grand 'ole USA and it was a shame it was so short. Any longer there and who knows what else I would have bought! We didn't have a mad night out on Saturday as my friend was wrecked from working all week but we did have lots of quality time to catch up properly. Who knows how much we would have had to drink if we had been able to find parking? We decided to go to Baltimore instead of DC and spent donkeys driving around trying to find a spot. No matter, I had a good time and seeing the state of myself today, I'm glad that I didn't go on the batter!

I saw MBF after work. I found out today that his mum has been very ill since the night before I went away and is still in hospital. I can't pretend I don't care for him and I wanted to see if he was OK. We chatted for a while and I felt fine being around him. Even when he told me that he missed me and that he thinks of me all the time, my heart didn't let me down. I didn't feel much of anything and whilst I'm sure The Contender has his part to play in this, I think it's just that I have parked whatever I felt for MBF and moved on.

I spoke to The Contender very briefly earlier and he's supposed to be calling me back when he puts some life back into his phone. He is away from Friday on a stag weekend so I'm not sure what is happening this week with regards to seeing him. The very chilled out me is totally fine with the natural, slow pace of things and if I don't see him till next week, that's fine. We exchanged a couple of texts whilst I was away and a few days away has made me realise that I must stay very chilled out about things with The Contender and let things take their course. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend and if and when it happens, it'll be because it's the right thing, not because we've rushed it.

Thanks to everyone for the comments over the past few days. I'll reply to them when I have my wits about me, and I need to catch up on visiting everyone's blogs. I'm off to la la land for some sweet dreams. I hope I sleep. Oh sh*t! What if I can't sleep!? Oh f*ck it!

I Heart America

Ever since my first trip to the States back in '97 I have loved this country. To be truthful I've been besotted with America from my childhood and badgered my parents to get jobs out here so that I could live the 'American Dream', have gleaming white teeth and behave like an adult even though I was only at high school. I'll be truthful, one of the prevailing things I love about this country is the shopping. The outlets, the bloody brilliant exchange rate, and the fabulous sales. I love the people too. Some of my closest friends are from the US and I think that as a nation, people are pretty friendly. Some of the best times of my life have been in this country and it's safe to say, America rocks, even if Bush is at the helm....

I think part of my success here in the US is the whole English, Irish exotic thing. It's got me discounts, jobs, free food and drink and unwanted attention......

After oodles of sleep, I got up on Thursday and headed off to the mall, where I didn't really shop very much. I have vowed in this trip to only buy items that 1)I need or 2) scream 'Don't f*cking leave the country without me!' I have stuck to this and it means that I will not be going back home with a ton of stuff.

Thursdays purchases - Head scarf, black wraparound top, 3 knitted brooches, a load of Victoria Secret body spray, shower gel and moisturiser, and a very nice white shirt for work.

Throughout my jaunt in the mall I kept being approached by strange men young and old. 'Hello pretty lady';'Hey sweet thang';'Hey, you have such a pretty smile' or 'Can I take you home?' Each time this happened I would flush with embarrassment, nod, and then run into a shop to hide. Since when have I become so approachable? ;-)

My friend and I spent Thursday night drinking with a friend at her condo, and I was very naughty mixing wine and vodka and passed out at some point.... I blame the jet lag....

Friday was spent at an outlet mall where I fared a bit better shopping wise.

2 pairs of fabulous sexy work shoes for just under $80 instead of almost $500!, a skirt which will probably spend most of the summer blowing up on the way to and from work, 2 tops, sexy nightdress, 2 more funky brooches, yoga mat (let me at least pretend that I will use it), the most funk-da-funk knit and fur poncho that makes me look very glamorous, and kitchen stuff from Oxo Good Grips (I have a penchant for this stuff-Am I nesting?)

I was in one store when a guy popped out of nowhere, took my hand and introduced himself.

Weirdo 1: I just had to introduce myself to you. You are beautiful. Look at that pretty smile. Just look at that pretty smile.

Then a while later....

Weirdo 2: Mmmm. Mmmm. Mmm. I could just eat you up!

I've heard about the freaky stuff that happens to people here, so I sped up my pace

And lets not forget the shop assistants....

Weirdo 3 had tried to sell me something I didn't need for my iPod but also had other things on his mind.

Weirdo 3: So.....can I take you out tonight?
NML: No thanks
Weirdo 3: Can I have your number?
NML: I don't have one.
Weirdo 4: Are you pregnant? (and he moves towards me as if to touch me)
NML: Are you f*cking crazy? No I am not pregnant. Are you trying to say I look pregnant? (Obviously he is and I try to pull in my little steroid tummy)
Weirdo 3: Ignore him. No you don't look pregnant at all. You're very hot. Very, very hot.
NML: Well if you two think I'm buying anything, you've another think coming! Where I come from what you just said is very rude.
Weirdo 4: You don't look pregnant, but the top you're wearing is a pregnancy type top. I'm very sorry. Can I have your number? (Admittedly I wore the top because I am conscious of my little tummy)
Weirdo 3: No, shut up! Can I have your number?
NML: Does your manager know how you speak to customers?
Weirdo 3: I am the manager.
NML: Whatever. I'm not interested. See ya! (And I tried to walk away with my head held high and the little tummy pulled in)
Weirdo 3 comes running up to me
NML: Seriously, get away from me.
Weirdo 3: I want to eat you right now.
NML: Ugh. Piss off will you!

What is it with these imbeciles saying they want to eat me? Are they saying I look good enough to eat in that silly compliment way? Are they cannibals? Or, holy Mary, are they saying they want to go down on me? How rude!

Then there was the nail kit selling creature. He was camper than a field of tents......

Weirdo 5: I can't believe you aren't married. Are you too fussy?
NML: I don't know. Why don't you ask my rabbit? (I can't believe some of the sh*t guys come out with. They force me to say these things!)
Weirdo 5: A girl like you should be married by now. Look at you! What are you? 23? (Barely able to hide his disgust!)
NML: I'm.....27, almost 28. (Cue lots of screaming)
Weirdo 5: Oh my God! You must buy this nail kit. You need to sort your nails and then you get the husband.
NML: If there is one thing I am damn sure of, it's that buying a nail kit for $60 is not going to snare me a husband. Now, you have a nice day. Oh and cut your nails will you? Mens nails are not supposed to be that long!

There were more weirdos than I care to remember.......

We went out last night for a slap up meal and drinks, where I think with the aid of jet lag I got a bit drunk again, and at one point fell asleep for about 3 seconds. This caused everyone to piss themselves laughing and me to feel incredibly embarrassed and completely confused. There wasn't any totty out last night although I did people watch out the window. Baltimore is not full of the hot men that I used to see through beer goggles when I was 20!

Today is my last day and I'm not sure what I'm doing but I'm going out in DC tonight and going straight from wherever I go to the airport. I don't have to be at the airport till around 5am so DC had better watch out! Hopefully on my last night I will not be hit by jet lag.

I am going back to sleep as I it's 8.30am and last nights wine is making me feel a little off....

Dazed and Confused

It's almost 3am in the morning and I woke up about an hour ago after an exhausting day travelling and I feel a touch confused, or is that the start of jet lag?

I made it to Washington DC and then Columbia Maryland (not very far away) and of course I couldn't do that without some funny stuff happening en route.

First of all there was the taxi. I went out onto the road to flag a taxi at 4.45am and after a few minutes I wondered if I would have been better off booking one. So I called the number that had been given to me by the kindly receptionist at the Marriot Hotel a few doors up and promptly got through to a fax number! Cue mild panic and then as if somebody had heard me using a volley of curse words under my breath, a black cab pulled up. I told the taxi driver I wanted to go to Paddington, to which he responded 'Where are you going?'. 'Paddington station' I said. 'But where are you going?'.

Now mornings, especially ones that start with me baling out of bed at 4am in a daze to get ready for an exhaustive day of travelling, are not my strong point. I told him that I was going to Paddington to get the Heathrow Express, and of course the git starts trying to do the hard sell about trying to get me to get a taxi all the way to Heathrow. Back and forth we went for about five minutes until I must have started to wake up and returned to bitchy form.

NML: Do you want this fare or not?
Taxi: Yeah of course. I just think it will be better for you if I take you to Heathrow and it will only be a bit more. (16 pounds or $30 more)
NML: Listen. I'll be the judge of what's best for me. I want to go to Paddington. If you don't want to take me there then say so, otherwise lets get going. In the time it's taken for you to try to bumrush me into going all the way to Heathrow, I could have practically been at Paddington by now.

Two minutes later as we're heading to the station, he says 'Are you sure?' and I give him such a filthy look he realised it was better to shut up.

The Heathrow Express takes about fifteen minutes and I instantly fell in love with how ridiculously quick it was. The love came to an abrupt halt when the man sitting across from me seemed to let out the most horrific fart I have ever come across, just as we pulled into Terminal 3. Honestly, I thought I was going to chuck up the non-existent contents of my stomach. He kept looking at me and I looked at him with undisguised horror. Bloody commuters!

Apparently we need to have barcoded passports to go to the States, which I didn't find out till 5.30am. They said I could use my current passport on this occasion, but what they failed to mention is that I would be held in immigration for almost two hours in Chicago and that I would arrive at the gate for my next flight in the nick of time. I sat in a room watching people being told off for not having their green cards, passports, or like me a barcoded passport and had to will myself not to have a hissy fit. Finally they get to me.

Immigration: Mam, have you always lived in the UK.
NML: I was brought up in Ireland.
Immigration: Where? (And these people work in immigration?)
We get that cleared up and then.........
Immigration: Mam, are you married?
NML: No
I really didn't think I said it that loudly but everybody turned around to look at me.
Immigration: OK, OK. Whew! You were a bit quick there! (Everybody starts pissing themselves laughing)
NML: Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that.
Immigration: So, you're really not married?
NML: Why, are you offering? (More hilarity and laughter)
Immigration: You're funny! Did you hear that guys? I'm glad you're boyfriend can't hear you now!

They seemed to like me as they didn't take offence when I told them I thought that me having my fingerprints done was very CSI, and they howled with laughter when I fixed my hair in the webcam view on the computer screen before they took my picture, and then asked if they wanted to do profile shots. The whole room erupted in laughter and immigration told me I was the best fun they'd had in ages.

I managed to make it to DC without any problems on the flight from Chicago except for the turbulence which made me feel as if my tummy was in my mouth. My friends brother and girlfriend met me at the other end and I think I talked the ears off them all the way back to Columbia. I got very excited as we drove through DC and I'm looking forward to popping into Bush for some tea and biscuits (joke!)

I knew we were in America when we were at a light getting ready to go and a couple crossed the road. 'Hey! Hey, hey, hey. You'd better stop! You AIN'T gonna kill me today!' as she rapped the bonnet (hood?) of the car with her hand. I howled with laughter at this although I stopped abruptly when I thought she might cuss me. I do love America!

It was 83F when I arrived and I was one sweaty betty after sitting in no air conditioned car for almost an hour! I love the sunshine and with any luck it will stick around for if not all, then some of my trip. The sun means me living in skirts and showing skin, in a tasteful way of course!

When I got back to my friends condo, I caught up with her for a bit, showered, ate the best Chinese I've had since the last time I was in the US, and lay down for an hour at 7pm and woke up just before 2am. Of course my friend is now fast asleep!

I'll admit it right now. I intend to spend the day sunbathing. I lie. I intend to spend the day at the mall window shopping. I lie again. I'm going shopping!

The Night Before...

It took me a while to twig that the reason I'm being a moody cow is because of good 'ole PMT. Now that I realise, I already feel a lot more reasonable. Especially about The Contender.

I must stress that I don't expect TC to run out and shout from the roof tops that he's with me. Some people know that we've been seeing each other and that's fine. I have been very quick to point out to any of the people that try to turn us into a big deal that, we've got a good thing going on but that we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. The problem with me is that I think ahead and I feel that TC has a long relationship behind him and probably isn't going to go out of his way to say that he's met someone else for quite a while. Only time will tell whether that 'quite a while' is OK with me, but what I do know is that after all that was me and MBF, there is a part of me that craves normality like you wouldn't believe. I was crackers over MBF and whatever he said he felt for me, he was with someone else. It would be nice to be with someone who was able to be with me without making me a part of his soap-opera stint that he's trying to draw to a close. However, as I'm writing this I'm thinking that I need to stay off the 'relationship crack' because I am thinking way too much. I already I feel miles better now, and a bit silly for thinking so much so I guess it was good to write down my thoughts....

What I was also reminded of by Wyn is that I am in a lovely stage of newness and I'm going to enjoy it, albeit when I get back from the States. I'm grinning now as I remember a funny conversation about my penchant for clothes and shoes. I had made the feeble excuse of having to buy more clothes as I had put on a little weight. Next thing TC says 'Yeah, but surely you didn't put weight on your feet?' and just as I was about to try to justify the shoe habit, I thought of my 70/80 pairs and looked at his cheeky face. I love the fact that he gets me and doesn't think I'm mad as a brush!

I had a moment earlier this evening when I realised the downside of being single:

I was taking a big sip of my herbal tea after eating a cheeky chocolate digestive biscuit or two, when an air pocket formed in my throat just before I swallowed and I found myself whooping and choking. I couldn't breathe for a few seconds and then started to cough furiously, flailing around and trying to balance my laptop. I'm ok now but jaysus, what the f*ck will I do if I ever keel over and pass out on my own? Oooh, scary bleedin thought!

So I have to go now because I have to get some sleep before I head off to Washington. I have to get up at about 4am and I do not do very early mornings. There aren't any tubes which means I'll have to get a taxi to the station and get the Heathrow Express and already I feel like weeping at the thought of dragging myself to the airport in the darkness. However.........how f*cking brilliant is it that I've got a free flight, superb exchange rate, and the shops await me. Did I say shops? I mean sights and scenery, and maybe a little jaunt into Victoria Secrets........ and every shop I can get to in a four day period........

I know there is an entertainment factor with my lists, so for good measure I have included my list of what I have packed for this trip. I swear this is me packing light. Seriously. How much clothes can one woman need when she's only going away for a few days? A lot if you're NML. Here's a golden rule for packing from NML: Must pack 2 pairs of knickers and bras for each day that you're away, plus 1 or 2 spare. Don't ask me why, that's just how it is. Hence, for this trip, I should be packing 8 pairs of knickers and bras .

1 pair of trainers/sneakers
1 pair of hot pink suede strappy heels with ties to go around the ankles
9 bras, 10 pairs of knickers (I have an extra pair in my carry on in case my suitcase goes awol)
3 handbags (1 large one to carry on, 1 small evening, 1 day bag)
3 pyjama sets (shorts and tops)
2 cardigans
1 jacket
2 pairs of combats
2 pairs of jeans plus the pair I plan to wear
2 skirts
9 tops for night and day wear
1 pair of Birkenstocks

I daren't tell you all the contents of the carry on but lets just say that there's an iPod, digi camera, normal camera, 3 books, sunglasses, deoderant, medication....and don't forget the laptop... oh and 24 series 3 to watch in case I hate the film and can't sleep, and The Sims University to play if I can't sleep and can't focus on 24. Do I pack a lot? Don't answer!

I've just had a female friend bend the ear off me about a situation that happened 6 weeks ago for an hour. Why can't women let go of old sh*t? It's just like the age old question, why do men always think they have to be and are right?

The next time ya'll hear from me, I'll be in Washington where I'll most definitely be posting from. Woo hoo! Sh*t I'm tired!

Niggling Little Thoughts

Now I must say thanks to 'most' of those who commented about the 'blow out' on Saturday night. I must confess that shortly after I finished the post, I felt miles better about the whole thing and realised that it was far better that he had stayed home than try to force himself to be awake through an entire evening. He phoned and text me loads of times on Saturday night and I felt like a bit of a cow for being in a mood over it. To be honest it was motivated by disappointment. If I wasn't interested in him, I wouldn't give a sh*t. What I did ensure was that he knew that it was fine and that I understood, and we've had a few giggles over it

As it was, by 8pm that evening when I was contemplating heading off to a party, my body started to stiffen and an hour later I could barely get off the sofa. I had a delightful evening with me, myself and I, and I must say, I make fabulous company! Lots of crap TV and DVDs followed by a blissful nights sleep. The Contender thought it was hilarious that not only did I embark on an exercise class but could barely walk from it and as he struggled to get into sleep mode on Saturday night, he took the piss out of me.

And he had the opportunity to tease me further when I saw him last night. As usual we had a laugh and a giggle and I'm very sure that I still fancy him. He still makes me howl with laughter and I keep discovering similarities or little things that allow me to gain a deeper insight into him. It's nice to be with someone who likes me for me and I feel very comfortable around him. He isn't perfect (like anybody) and he does wind me up when he loses sense of time sometimes but right now I am happy with him. Maybe the only worrying thing if that if we continue to see each other, is he going to be comfortable admitting it?

The close friends in our circle know although I blabbled to the girls ages ago (sure that's what we do!) and he has told the lads that he's been seeing me but he's been very coy about it with them and according to him 'grinning a lot' when they grill him. But in the bigger, wider picture, will he be wanting to admit to all and sundry that he is seeing someone else? I'm not talking about right now as it's relatively early days, but after the fiasco of MBF, I don't want to play the part of Big Secret for months to come. It's not a huge concern right now as we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but hopefully at least one other person out there can understand the little niggling thought?

Niggling thought aside, the main thing is that I'm having a good time and putting MBF behind me. I spoke to him today and I was a bit irritable and at the time I wasn't sure why. Thinking back though, he was asking me questions about my trip to the US and I felt like he was making conversation and that he just wanted to talk for any reason. I got this tense feeling in my stomach and I know I sounded a bit off with him. Sometimes it's hard to do the whole 'Lets Be Friends' thing and I know I need to be patient and let things roll off my back. I haven't seen very much of him lately and I think that's a good thing because we needed a break from each other. I couldn't bear the intensity of it all.

I guess it's 'Out with the old, in with the new' and I need to keep pushing forwards. There are a lot of good things in my life right now and whilst I won't be dwelling on the past, I must learn from it. I'm dead impatient sometimes and I feel like demanding that a DVD gets put in with footage of what is going to happen in the near future. Now of course I know that's not going to happen, and in truth, who would want to know exactly what was going to happen to them? Life would be dead boring then, and that's one thing I can never say my life is!

Blow Out

I was supposed to be spending my Saturday evening with The Contender and got blown out big style about an hour and a half ago. NML is not a happy camper although I am doing my best to be understanding. He's wrecked after getting 3 hours sleep last night and he spent all day with estate agents so he didn't get a chance to catch up on the sleep. (I'm not making excuses for him, I'm just giving you his excuse)

I've never been blown out by a guy who I've had an arrangement with so this is a new experience for me after 27 almost 28 years. He says he didn't think it was fair to come around bleary eyed and over tired and I do understand, but me being me, I do feel like saying a few choice expletives around the flat to vent my fustration. I'm not sure what to do with myself as most of my friends are doing coupley things this evening. Admittedly I'm not feeling so energetic myself.......

Today was a day of firsts because before a blow out appeared on the horizon I went to my very first exercise class. Anybody who has been reading this blog long enough knows that I'm a lazy f*ck! I spent most of my life never needing to go near a gym and even though I was very athletic and a keen dancer in my teens, in my twenties I have never been able to convince myself to actually physically part with the cash and join the gym. I'm not as skinny as I used to be due to taking the poxy steroids and whilst I do love most of my new curves, I have become conscious of needing to exercise. I did com-bo (think it's something to do with kai-bo?) and I swear, I have stretched places that I didn't know I could stretch, and I have sweated in places I didn't know I could sweat. My friend said she was really surprised that I kept up for most of the class - I'm bloody surprised too! The hour actually flew by and I hate to admit it, but I enjoyed the class. I'm not about to become a gym freak (sweat and I don't mix, a bit like water and oil) but I am going to continue the classes.

So I'm parked up on the couch smelling delightful in my dressing gown and a Saturday evening to play with. Who knows what I'll do........

If you get the chance, pay a visit to an ex-colleague of mine's blog Dubai Days. The funny bastard used to be mine and B's playmate at work and I was gutted when he left us to go out and work in Dubai. He would do the running man, hammertime and various Michael Jackson moves, and this was before we even left the office! B and I drove him insane by annoucing that we needed a wee everytime we went to the toilet and he definitely fancied himself as a ladies man, which is an idea that he seems to have carried with him to Dubai. If you read his first post, you'll see that he gives me a mention although he does describe parts of my life as 'cringey' to read about. He'd better hope he stays out there as I'll be beating his ass for that comment when he comes back to the UK.

Enjoy your weekends! I'll be sobbing into my tea and biscuits............don't make me laugh! Like f*ck I will!

Stay Off The Relationship Crack

In light of Dating In Miami's current situation, I feel the need to do a list again. This time it's all about Some of the Things That Women Do That Make NML Wonder If We're on Relationship Crack. I don't claim to be innocent of these things by the way, but I am calling it as I see it.

1. Trying to fix a guy. This winds me up no end. (Even my ma does this!) The woman meets a guy who is not up to scratch, in her eyes, and then spends the entire relationship trying to fix him, and berating him for not being the things that she wants him to be. Hot Tip: Go with a guy that you don't need to do all the work on or better still, love him for himself.

2. Orchestrating situations. Take Dating In Miami. His ex told his friends mother-in-law a rather skewed version of why they broke up and that they broke up because she got tired of waiting for him to propose. All of this naturally culminated in Dating In Miami hearing it back and now he is meeting her. Result! Maybe I'm being too suspicious on this occasion but I know lots of women who orchestrate situations to get a reaction. That's game playing and manipulative and it doesn't score brownie points. Most of all, from the female perspective, why give yourself that type of headache playing master puppeteer? It just makes you feel more insecure at the end of the day.

3. Becoming interested because he now seems unavailable. I could use Dating In Miami's situation as an example but there are countless women that do it. I have done it and if I could give myself a good lash across the arse with a belt, I would, but I can't, so instead I've gotten sensible. What is it about when a man shows interest that makes some women completely indifferent/uninterested? And what is it about these same women that when the man moves on or appears to have some of the space in his heart rented out to someone else, that she all of a sudden professes her great interest in him and is chasing him? There is something so messed up with that scenario that if you're a woman that does it, please stop. If you weren't interested when he appeared to be available, I doubt that you're truly interested just because he's become unavailable or appears emotionally distant.

4. Being really interested because he is definitely unavailable. Married/engaged/going out or unavailable to drink/drugs/or some other thing that is causing him to be emotionally stunted. I've seen the error of my ways but no matter how much I regard how I felt for MBF, I must have been on crack. Why do women that are interested in/seeing unavailable men think that they're different to every other woman who was ever in her situation? They're not. They're just the other woman and if he really, really loved her, he'd be with her or let her go until he was free to be with her. I know women that only go out with unavailable men and I think that these women choose these guys because it's like these men have had the seal of approval from another woman. If he's single, they're not interested because there must be something wrong with him if he's not with a woman. Scary but this does happen.

5. Crying for months or years over guys that treated them like shit. One of the things I have found myself saying to 'brokenhearted' friends is 'Do you honestly think that he is at home sobbing his little heart out?' 95% of the time the answer is a firm 'NO', yet there are sh*tloads of tears being shed. I know we all get emotional and things hurt, but when 6 months have gone by and you haven't heard jack sh*t from the muther, and you're still crying and hoping for him to come back, something is very wrong. Which brings me neatly to #6......

6. Making the new guys life difficult over the previous boyfriend(s) that mistreated them. One of the things that is very certain is that you need to be generally over and free of the excess baggage from previous relationships, yet I hear lots of women saying to guys 'Oh X treated me so badly which is why I'm so distrusting' ;'I do fancy you, but it's just so hard after all of my previous relationships'. Why do some women punish the new guy for the old guys mistake? Give the guy a chance. If and when he f*cks up, then you can verbally bust his nuts. And women can give themselves a head start by not choosing the same type of guy over and over again, so that they don't end up with the same results repeatedly. Which again brings me very neatly to #7

7. Same sh*t. Different Guy. It's as simple as this. If you've been out with ten guys that all have some 'bad boy' in them, and they all dicked you around/cheated on you/left you high and dry, it's time to start choosing a different type of guy and examining your poor choices and what's driving them. If every man has cheated on you, it would be interesting to put this down to an appalling run of bad look, but I would put it down to going for the same type/being drawn to the same characteristics. When some women have said to me 'I like a bit of danger';'I do love a bad boy', I've looked at them like they have ten heads. There is nothing exciting about someone treating another person like sh*t. Nice guy doesn't equal drip. I have had my fair share of boyfriends and they have pissed me off no end for whatever reason, but I can take comfort in the fact that I have generally steered clear of so-called 'bad boys'. Get with a 'man', one that treats you right.

8. Making excuses for poor behavior. This could bring me to tears. If there is anything that I have learnt from MBF and other exes is that I should only make excuses for myself, and if I had any kids, for them. We're all grown adults, yet I am bewildered by the plethora of excuses that some women conjure up to explain the actions of their men. It's one thing if that's what he said it was, but more often than not, I have found that these women add up the various insights that he has given them into his past, and then play Oprah/Dr Phil/Ricki Lake and draw their own conclusions. I recently overheard a woman saying 'I know he's being a right bastard to me, but he had such a difficult childhood, and his ex was such a b*tch. You can hardly blame him for being the way he is'. No, but this guy can blame her for it all.

When I think of more I'll include them, but there were defnitely a couple of moments when I cringed reading that list back to myself.

Anyway.......

I tell you, going away with work is not all it's cracked up to be. I am shattered and I feel like I have been at work for 36 hours! Actually it wasn't all that bad and I had a laugh, but I couldn't get home quick enough. Naturally I couldn't leave without some sort of calamity, and this time it took the form of me almost ripping my clothing and being caught in a compromising position....

In my efforts to pack lightly, today's outfit consisted of a black wraparound dress with my FMB's. It took about two hours for me to realise that I hadn't actually tied the strings inside the dress hence me feeling a bit odd in the bloody thing. (I think I was half asleep when I checked out this morning) I became fixated on tying the string there and then and shoved my hand inside the dress to try to tie it discreetly and as I started to tie it, I heard the sound of fabric starting to rip. I froze and looked up to see a man staring rather curiously at me. I looked at myself with the patterned tights, FMB's and the dress slightly askew, and I can't say I blame the guy for thinking that I was fiddling with myself...........

Quickie

This is going to be a quick one as this hotel has serious speed issues with their internet connection. I am exhausted after a day of hob-nobbing with clients and having to race as fast as my FMB's would carry me through Kings Cross station this morning. Yes, NML almost but didn't, miss her train. I did leave on time but I got caught in delays on the tube and I couldn't believe it when I was forced to have to run to make the train. God knows how many peoples toes I destroyed as I ran them over with the case, but at least I made the poxy train!

Thought it was going to be a day of fringe benefits because as we walked into the building to meet our clients, lots of eye-candy came walking out. Now there is no harm in having a look before anyone starts jumping on my case about The Contender (and we're not boyfriend and girlfriend anyway) but our excitement was short-lived because all of the eye-candy seemed to vacate the building at that moment.

I managed to avoid having any major cock-ups, except for a couple of things............

They use a laser pen to run across your badge so they can note who you were and probably collect data on me, but hardly anybody was using them. I was speaking to a guy when I saw a mans hand moving towards my left breast and promptly paniced and ducked out of the way. It was only when I noticed them all looking at the pen with an odd look that I realised what he was trying to do and flushed with embarassment.

NML: Sorry. I thought you were going for my chest.
Pen Man: I wasn't but it's okay. (Then he gives me a saucy wink) Normally I would've been perving though!
NML: Riiiiigggggggght. OK! (Laughing nervously and then made my rapid escape)

I had a great meeting with another client and as we shook hands to say goodbye, I nearly ripped the skin off his hand with a jab with my fingernail. Cue lots of embarassed apologies but luckily he saw the funny side of me breaking his skin..........

I'm off to have a deep bath and chill out until dinner. If one more f*cking person asks me about the internet, I will bloody scream, so I'm legging it now!

I'm Chilled! I Swear!

I am so tired after staying in work till almost 7pm. Normally I'm zooming out the door at 5.30pm as fast as my FMB's (F*ck Me Boots) can carry me, but I'm away with work for the next couple of days and found myself terribly unprepared.

Today has been one of those days when I felt like putting my head on the desk and having a nap. Things just kept popping up to stop me from continuing with my day as planned. However.....one of those things is a trip to Washington DC for 4 days next week! I am so excited, I could do the running man or the hammertime dance with no music.

Almost eighteen months ago, the Daily Mail was giving away free flights to the US in an offer with American Airlines. Now I must point out that I don't read the Daily Mail (chav/common, alarmist paper for the blue rinse brigade), but we used to get it free at work hence I collected the tokens and hey presto, bagged myself a free flight. I missed the dates last year but fortunately they gave me some new dates which expire on April 30th, so I had to use them. I am already envisioning myself prancing round Victoria's Secret buying myself lots of presents! I swear that I am not going on a spending spree and I will instead be spending quality time with one of my closest friends that lives out there.

I did speak to The Contender today and we had a nice laugh and a chat on the phone. I swear I am being easy going and chilled. I will admit though, that I left it to him to call me. You see, one of the things that can be irritating about guys is that they say things that can be misconstrued. My previous conversation with The Contender had ended with him saying that he wasn't sure how his week was going to be, due to some stuff he has going on with the house, but that he'd speak to me during the week. Admittedly I thought 'Well bleedin fine then' and vowed that I wouldn't call or email him because what the f*ck was he saying. It seemed a bit vague and I couldn't be arsed with trying to guess what the hell this all meant (did he mean don't call me, I'll call you) and instead vowed to chill out whilst sitting on the dialing and typing fingers. Then he emailed me today. And then he phoned me. Now I feel like an arse but it was his fault in the first place. Sort of. Or I could have just behaved myself and been so laid back I'm horizontal.

I started reading He's Just Not That Into You last Night and I won't claim that they're revolutionising the wheel, but I did cringe because it made me think back to old dates and some peoples relationships. Just to be the bad ass that I am, I think I will be doing my own list. Coming soon......

So hopefully I will be able to post tomorrow whilst I am away, but if not I'll be back on Thursday.

Time To Breathe

I'm parked up on the sofa watching TV and eating comfort giant choc chip cookies from Marks & Spencer. I'm not depressed or anything but I do seem to be in need of something sweet and comforting and it's a bit soon for me to be using The Contender for that....

It was an interesting weekend.......

I was woken up on both mornings at 8.10am by a neighbour playing very loud music. As I stumbled up the stairs of my building two mornings in a row in safari print pajama bottoms, my top askew and my hair all over the gaff I felt furious under the grogginess. I stabbed the doorbell with my finger for a few moments and some fur brained woman appeared.

NML: Seriously. Are you having a laugh? It's ten past bleedin 8 in the morning and I am trying to sleep.

Neighbour: Is baby. Is baby.

NML: I.Don't.Have.A.Baby.

Neighbour: Is my baby.

NML: Erm, rigggggggggghhhhhhhht. Anyhow, keep it down.

And on Sunday morning
NML: I wasn't joking when I said that the music was keeping me awake.

Neighbour: Is baby. Is baby.

NML: (Losing temper and feeling super grumpy) Let me get this straight. You're blaming a baby for the fact that I have been woken up by your loud music two mornings in a row? This baby just got up and turned the music on?

Neighbour: Is baby.

NML: I don't give a sh*t if it's friggin Camilla Parker Bowles and Prince Charles having a celebration. Turn the music down. And don't think I won't be reporting you! (Stomping down the stairs)

I saw The Contender yesterday and had a fun afternoon and evening laughing insanely. He makes me get the giggles at inappropriate times and I think that me laughing at our taxi driver caused us to get screwed with the fare. I couldn't help it. I really couldn't tell if he was talking about Iranian horses, or Iranian whores, but it was funnier to think the latter. We went for a semi walk in the lovely West Hampstead, a quick bite to eat, we went and did my groceries and actually cooked a meal together. Unfortunately my childishness extended to me forgetting to turn the cooker on to boil the water, and turning the wrong dial to heat up the oven. I also laughed when he fell off the step on the bus. We watched TV and talked about goodness knows what all evening, but it was great fun. I even watched a bit of The Masters and the guys at work are really impressed with my improved sporting knowledge.

Things seem to be going well with The Contender and I, and whilst I admit to having mad moments where I take our new relationship and turn it from side to side in my hands examining it for signs, traps, flaws and f*ck knows what else, I am happy. Mostly. I am breathing in and out and doing my best to be chilled. Let me give a little background......

The Contender was in a long relationship until a few months ago where he decided that it wasn't for him. He has been broken up for a few months now but there is still the matter of a house to be sold. I know he wants it all done and dusted for his own sanity, but being a thinking female I wonder what he wants with me. If I had spent years in a relationship with someone, would I want to start up with someone else a few months later? Is he 'having fun' with me to pass the time until he feels ready to embark on something real? Now, I am thinking out loud and this may not be what he is thinking at all, but you can see where I'm coming from. I push down the thoughts but sometimes one sneaks out and it takes form and crystallises.

Then there's MBF. He invited me for lunch today and feeling wary and cautious I agreed to meet him. God knows why I put myself in the firing line for more emotional aggravation, but it seems that this time I'm ok. It was really weird and to be truthful, quite sad. Don't get me wrong, it was a nice lunch but where we are now is so far removed from where we were, it's frightening. I'm sure my body language suggested uneasy, but it was mirrored in him. We chatted about safe things for most of it and then after a lapse of silence it arrived without any prompting. Not only an apology but an admittance and acknowledgement of how difficult he has been for quite a few months. He says he feels embarrassed about his possessiveness and his behavior in his attempt to hold me back. Ultimately he realised that the only person to blame for where he was, is himself, and the only person that could ever have changed the situation, was him. He realises that it will take time for me to be at ease with him and for our friendship to get stronger, but he accepts it.

It's really weird but at the time I felt numb and a bit caught off guard. It probably appeared as if it didn't bother me, but when I got on the bus this evening and exhaled, a feeling of sadness tinged with a hint of grief crept over me. I think that today, I've allowed myself to acknowledge how painful this whole thing has been because for months I've allowed anger, fustration and a steely will to move on and get past the whole sorry saga to take centre stage. I really do believe that I have seen the last of the tension now because he realises that there is no point now. To do anything else would be irrevocably damaging and he doesn't want to risk that. So as a result I've exhaled and allowed myself to feel something other than anger or something else negative about him and instead maybe I can begin to feel good about him. In a platonic way of course!

Who knows why we feel what we feel for people? At one time I truly believed that MBF was the right person for me, but it's very likely (and I can thank Jamy for this one) that in an avoidance of having to commit my heart to someone who was available after the break up with my ex, I went for unobtainable so that my heart and mind could have an excuse for not being in the relationship and it seemed so risk free, or at least less so than a relationship. The weird thing is that I felt more for MBF than I did for the ex, or maybe I'm on crack and don't know what the frig my heart feels.......

Anyhow, on a far more unpleasant yet humorous note, my boss farted at work today straight after he burped. I must be in a very good mood recently because other than flinching, I didn't kick up murder like I normally would, although it probably helped that I don't sit too close to him. Do you think I can sue for emotional stress or post traumatic stress? Hee hee......

Grinning From Ear To Ear

I have just woken up after falling asleep for what was supposed to be a brief nap four hours ago. My throat is so sore I can barely speak and I am so glad that I am not out partying like I normally would be.

I met up with The Contender last night and grinned my way through a lovely evening with him. The more we get to know each other, the more I find similarities. Whilst we have very different careers (he's in IT), different families (mine are lovely but nuts) we have a very similar outlook and attitude. We giggle like naughty children when we get together and I hope that this doesn't change. Right now we both find each other hugely entertaining whilst fancying the arse off each other, and I hope it will last past the honeymoon stage. Indications are looking good so far!

Most guys I know make out they don't play games, but I know for a fact that blogging cohorts such as Dating In Miami and even the wonderful Dating Dummy are susceptible. So is The Contender. I first met him last summer at a mutual friends leaving do. I did remember him and had thought that a look had passed between us although MBF was there so I quickly forgot about it, but did remember his face for months afterwards. The mutual friend was always saying that his boys wanted me to come out with them and we eventually went out three weeks ago. The Contender led me to think on a few occasions since then, that he barely remembered me (secrety felt miffed) but last night he told me that he had fancied me at the leaving do and had been trying to get me to come out via the mutual friend for ages. Result! But of course I gave him a right telling off for being coy. He claims a miscommunication!

I might see him on Sunday as he has family and hanging with the guys stuff to do this weekend. I must admit I quite like this slowly-slowly approach as normally my time gets sucked up by a new guy. For a split second I did think it was sh*te that I wouldn't see him on either Friday or Saturday but realised that was ridiculous considering that 1) I am overtired and wanted to chill out tonight and 2) I'm meeting a friend from Dublin tomorrow night! This is all part of me adjusting to being courted by a guy in a very different way and I like it. So I was smiling from ear to ear today as I had a lovely evening with him and something about The Contender makes me beam. It could be his delightful kisses which leave me feeling exhilarated and as if the so-called hard NML is melting. Don't worry, I'm still a toughie!

I was in agony yesterday believing that my wisdom tooth was playing up, only to discover on a trip to the dentist today that I am due my first filling (3 actually) and may need 1 friggin root canal. I nearly fell off the dental chair and protested about how ridiculous this was considering that I went my old dentist at Christmas and he made no indication of this. I made the most amount of noise about discovering that the NHS (National Health Service) only cover 20% of the dental charge. '20%' I scoffed, 'Jaysus, if a shoe shop was offering a 20% discount on shoes I'd think it was rubbish. How tight is that?' Cue dentist and nurse cracking up laughing and the nurse mumbling something about me being a live wire. My dentist did tell me that Labour's plan is to get rid of the 20% subsidy next year if they get in on the next election, so you heard it here. Even if it is only 20%, I am disgusted if this is the case as Labour are keeping that one quiet knowing full well that they'd be getting no brownie points for it if this were common knowledge for the election. Shame on you Tony Blair for pulling your head out of Bush's arse long enough to screw us out of the NHS help for dental care!

Anyway, I digress. The upshot is that my wisecracking ways got me a discount for my check up- I paid £20 instead of £30. It pays to be a pisstaking 27 year old woman with a penchant for all clothes, The Contender, and making a show of herself. Which reminds me.......

I wore a rather funky black full skirt yesterday which as soon as I stepped out onto the main road proceeded to blow up and show my lovely patterned tights and FMB's (f*ck me boots) to the rush hour traffic. I just about managed to stop everyone from seeing my arse but wasn't so lucky 20 minutes later, when I was ascending the escalator at Marylebone tube station and a big gust of wind blew it up again. I turned around as I pulled the blasted skirt back down praying no-one had seen me to discover an old man grinning from ear to ear. Yes, I chose one the windiest days ever to wear a skirt that caused me to be a flasher!

*I have replied to the comments on the previous post, but for some reason blogger hasn't published this. If it doesn't reappear soon, I will do it again.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

I have always prided myself on not being one of those women that think too much, or a woman that gets her knickers in a twist when she meets a guy that she really likes, yet for a few days I've been 'that woman'. I have given myself a stern talking to and a reality check and feel more like myself.

I blame my lapse on the fact that I have spent 4 years loving two people, both of whom to be fair, don't really deserve the steam off my pee in hindsight. I've dated over the past 22 months since breaking up with the ex-fiance, but it was quite half hearted because my heart yearned for MBF for a large chunk of that time, who was more unavailable than a condom in a church.

The whole meeting someone who I mutually like and going slow is a bit of a foreign concept. Every bloody boyfriend has wanted to lock me down, demand my heart and commitment, and start making plans for a life ahead before I've even figured out whether I should be there in the first place. It's not because I'm amazing in the sack (I might be actually but that's beside the point) but I seem to have a quality which makes guys want to try and seal me into a relationship where they will then work their very hardest to change the very things that they claim to be attracted to. It's great when they meet me and find an outgoing, raucous, ambitious people person but it hasn't been what they wanted to put up with every day. I think my general indifference at the beginning caused them to pursue me relentlessly until I eventually gave in because I was worn down or drink had given me rose tinted beer goggles. Next thing I knew, I'd be in a relationship and wondering what the hell I was playing at.

I know that I wholly and willingly chose to participate in whatever relationships I have had in the past and take full responsibility for my choices. I'd never sit her and lay it all at the exes doors because I'm hardly an imbecile. I just looked for love in all the wrong places, particularly in my early twenties. It's probably stems from something deep rooted in my parents not being together since I was very young and having a rather detached relationship with my father. I love my stepfather, but admittedly there aren't any great romances in my family.

I think I have spent years thrashing around in search of this thing called love and it's taken almost 2 years of being on my own to realise that whatever I have experienced before, it sure isn't love. They all tried to ram their version of love down my throat but they hadn't a clue, and to be fair, neither did I. Even with wanting to be with MBF, even with whatever heartache he has caused, and that I caused myself over him, I am infinitely better now as a person than I have ever been.

So I know it all takes time. Despite knowing that it's generally been wrong before, I am naturally programmed to expect everything to hurtle along really quickly. Normally after knowing me for a few weeks I'm getting subtle hints about marriage or living together! I have thought about The Contender a lot, and yes there was an impatient part of me that wants to fast forward the video tape and know what the hell happens, but I've also thought about him because I like him. Any silly thinking and impatience stems from that part of me that wants to protect myself. I've not made wise choices in the past and to be honest, I just want to cut myself a break for once and know that I've made a good choice.

I still feel rough as a badgers arse although I won't be having an early night as Desperate Housewives is on. I slept quite well last night although I did have this dream that I was proposed to by Mark Durden-Smith, who in the dream was a work colleague and I hadn't even kissed yet. Now I must point out that I don't fancy Mark at all, (couldn't be less my type if he tried) yet he turned up in my dream. He wanted me to choose between him and The Contender. I woke up feeling hot, bothered and confused and it took about ten minutes for it to register that it wasn't true. I'm not even attempting to figure out what the hell this dream means!

I might be seeing The Contender tomorrow night, and if not, I'll definitely see him over the weekend. Apparently I've been beaming a lot over the past few days although John thinks I was a moody bitch when I got back from the meeting this afternoon. I think the guys at work misguidedly think that I will grin like a Cheshire cat even if they're annoying the sh*t out of me. I may be on the happy buzz, but NML still knows how to do bitchy and cranky!

Taking It Easy

I've gone from feeling on top of the world yesterday to feeling absolutely dire today. This has nothing to do with The Contender, and instead has been caused by a sudden dip in my immune system today. Even with the best will in the world, it is impossible for me to feel sunny and bright when in a matter of hours I have become overwhelmingly tired and feel like I'm coming down with something.

I spoke to The Contender earlier on my way back from a meeting and he made me laugh and come over all skittish whilst talking to him. I've mentally told myself to be cool and chill out because all of a sudden this person that made me smile and laugh as a friend, has become the a person that makes me smile and laugh, but has overtaken my thoughts. Not all of my thoughts, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get any work done or have 'heated' discussions with MBF, but a hell of a lot of them.

I hate this bit about meeting somebody who you like and it hasn't happened for a hell of a long time so I feel just a bit out of touch. Admittedly, I've been so aggressively pursued in the past that it wasn't in question as to whether they wanted to be in a relationship, even though part of me being with these exes was relenting! Oh and course there is MBF who let me know that he was interested, but wanted to keep me on ice for if and when he ever felt like not having his cake and eating it and leaving his girl to be with me.

So now I find myself in the strange world of mutually liking someone, who is available in every sense of the word, and hasn't pursued me until I've relented. The impatient part of me demands to know what the hell is going to happen, but unfortunately I can't type out the ending I desire and instead I have to wait. I have reminded myself, that this time last week nothing had happened between The Contender and I and that life goes on. I'm being sensible and I'm not going to jump the gun and demand to know the beginning, middle and the end right now. I'm sure he likes me.

The reason for this is that in true NML style, I put my dainty little feet in it by choosing a lovely moment of silence to say 'I think we should just be friends' on Sunday. It was a joke and it sounded funny for about a split second when I made the wisecrack (I was doing sarcasm and irony for f*cks sake!) but when he froze and the silence stretched out, I wanted to kick the bejaysus out of myself. When I hastily retracted my comment and told him it was a joke, he started breathing again, and I felt like such a heel. I think that spending a lifetime being super brave and self sufficient to a large extent means that when I am nervous I say outrageously ridiculous things, partly to cover it, and on a certain level to test the waters. Whatever it is, I will behave myself from now on. I am taking a deep breath and relaxing.

MBF has decided that he still wants to be my friend, which is great as I don't have to change his name on here to XMBF. I spoke to him for a while today after he told me I had struck a bit of a blow by meeting someone and I had to put him straight. I'm not interested in hearing about how he is upset by me meeting someone. 95% of whatever he is feeling is his own fault and I don't need to be made to feel bad about it. This isn't about The Contender, it's about me. I am entitled to and deserve better. I don't want to be alone. Not because I'm petrified of being found at 70 being feasted on by Alsatians after being dead for 2 weeks, but because lovely as it is to be on my own (and I do love it), I would like to share my life with someone. I eventually want to unleash a mini-me on the world and I can't do that pining after a guy that doesn't know his arse from his elbow. I just want to be normal, whether that is alone or with someone, and a guy who is in a relationship doesn't fit that ideal.

So, I'm off to bed now for an early night. Not only does my immune system feel like poo, but for the second day running I wore yet another pair of painful shoes. I had to race to a meeting in them and sweet baby Jesus and the orphans, it was all I could do not to start crawling on my hands and knees. Both feet are now covered in plasters (band aids for the Americans) and I vow to wear suitable shoes to my meeting tomorrow. Thankfully I have not had a hard-on pressed against me on London Underground today so all the perverts that travel the tube can feel safe, for a while longer..........

Feast or a Famine

I'm back! Now before I launch into a rehash of my activities over the past couple of days, I must mention the stiff male that was part of my journey home this evening. No, it wasn't The Contender, but a sicko perve on the tube.

I got onto the Bakerloo line which was rammed packed and found myself squished against the window beside the seats, when I desperately needed to sit down because my poor feet were hurting me from wearing extremely unsuitable shoes. I had my head buried in my book when a man that looked like he had a penchant for comb-overs and was wearing a shirt that was unbuttoned to reveal his chest hair, got on. He squished in beside me and being the usual cow that I am, I gave him a stern look because despite it being rush hour, I hate people pressing against me and feel I have a God given right to my own space.

As the tube trundled along I could smell his breath close to my face and he kept pressing into me, which got me fidgeting and trying to move out of his way. As the train pulled into a station I felt something against my leg. Pressing in. Several times and then for a while. Something kind of hard. And kind of soft at the same time. Pole-ish, not in length but shape. My delayed reaction and comprehension meant that it was there for what felt like ages before I pulled away, still not realising. And then I looked down and actually felt a wave of nausea. The sick mofo had a distinct hard-on which had been pressed against my leg.

If someone had told me that this would happen to me, I would have quickly said that I would have given him a piece of my mind, but instead I stood there speechless (yes this can happen to NML very occasionally) and completely grossed out. I shrank further into my corner and he stared at me for a few moments and I gave him the nastiest look I could muster, which either had the desired effect, or I coincidentally did it when the train pulled into his stop where he made a rapid exit.

I'm a big girl (age not size) that can cope and know that there are far worser things that can happen to you, but I feel violated and think that type of behavior is completely inappropriate. The next man who wants to get his cheap thrills from me by rubbing himself on me will not be greeted by silence, and will find I'll expose his creepy little arse to all and sundry.

Now, on a more pleasant note I had a lovely weekend. I had a lovely girlie evening on Saturday that ended with dancing and being propositioned by unsuitable but funny men. I know some guys like to be a bit persistent because they think it shows tenacity, but when I say 'No', I mean exactly that, not try to go in for the kill again.

I saw The Contender again last night and had a lovely funny evening, chatting away and being, well, myself. It helps that we have spent a bit of time getting to know each other as friends and it's great to be roaring with laughter as we regale each other with stories and try to find out all sorts of things about each other. I feel really comfortable around him and he makes me smile, apparently. All day I have had to put up with comments from my colleagues saying that they haven't seen in such a good mood for ages, that I practically came into work skipping and that I have been beaming all day long. I didn't think I was behaving differently but I am 'shining' apparently.

Now I must point out that on my walk up to work this morning Michael Jackson's Thriller came on the iPod and it was all I could do not to break out the moves from the music video (I used to know all of the moves by heart, but the ghoulish arm swinging movements would have sufficed) and I practically skipped up to work. Yes, The Contender can take some of the credit for my fantastic mood, but the fact that I am a crazy 27 year old with a penchant for uncomfortable shoes that tries to stop herself from dancing to 70s and 80s classics in the street is my reason for practically high-kicking my way into work.

I am trying hard not to think too much about The Contender because now that I've met a guy, I am now thinking about whether he's just interested in having a fling, or whether he's looking for a relationship, and because he's so lovely I now have this disgraceful urge to want to see him all the time, which I can't. Not just because I need to take things slow, but because I still need my 'me-time' for all of the other people a.nd things in my life, including this blog.

It's looking very shaky with MBF and I, and there isn't anything that I can do. I'm not one for lying, so when he asked me if I had been seeing someone, I said that I had been on some dates but not to go making a big deal out of it. It seems that our friendship is very dependent on him knowing that I am besotted with him and that noone else is in the frame. Me meeting The Contender has possibly caused things to go tits up again, and I'm not going to exhaust myself trying to fix things. If he wants to have his cake, he will have to go to a friggin bakery.

And in other strange occurrences in the world of NML, I saw the ex-fiance yesterday whilst having brunch with my friend Nac. As we chatted and cackled our way through our brunch, I spotted him strutting through the shopping centre in sunglasses. For some reason I tried to hide (that's a bad habit I have when confronted by the possibility of an embarrassing occurrence with the males in my life) and when Nac saw him she glanced over at him and said 'What the fook were you thinking?' and both of us howled with laughter and promptly forgot about him.

I've had to say this a few times recently, but when it comes to men, it's like a feast or a famine!

The Contender

Before anybody thinks that I'm about to do a post about boxing, I'm not. The Contender is my new name for The Guy. Ladies and gentleman, I had a lovely date last night, and yes my lovelies, he is definitely interested in me.

I arrived home yesterday in a state of embarrassment and overheated. I had planned to be home earlier and was supposed to be meeting him at my place, but ran a bit late so he was waiting for me when I got home. I spent God knows how long yabbering on until it occurred to me that I should really get my arse in the shower and get ready. (He lives outside London so it made sense for him to call over to mine from work) It occurred to me as I was getting ready in the bathroom that I couldn't get too done up in case this was a completely friendly thing. Can you imagine me all dressed up like a dogs dinner all eager beaverish, only to discover that it was a friendly dinner?

We eventually left mine and instead of being my usual lazy self, I insisted we walk to the restaurant which is a good 20 minutes away. Yes, he did seem surprised, but it was a lovely evening. I warned him as we were leaving that the slightly heeled ballet style pumps can be a bit dangerous and spent the walk praying that I wouldn't fall over on my arse. It hadn't even occurred to me to book a table so when we got there and discovered we had a 90 minute wait, it made sense to go to the pub a few doors down.

We spent 90 minutes howling with laughter as we observed the 'date' couple sitting at our table and told silly stories. Me being the evil cow that I can be, spent most of the 90 minutes trying to convince him that his friends (a couple) fancy him and are trying to get him to do swinging. (When he stays at there's, they leave the bedroom door wide open when they go to bed!) When we finally got to dinner, it wasn't even that good, but we chatted away and took the piss out of each other the whole time, so the so-so food was barely noticeable.

As we both walked back a bit on the tipsy side, he put his arms across my shoulders but I thought it was to stop me from breaking my neck in my shoes. As I went to cross a road, my legs seemed to take off in front of me, and I had a spectacular slip, which I managed to save and steady myself, but not before 2 guys howled with laughter. I naturally tried to pretend it hadn't even happened.

We got back to mine and continued chatting whilst watching The Contender, which is his favorite show at the moment. To cut a very long story short, as we sat on the couch it became clear that he was interested because he had his arm over me. I became nervous which was my cue to be obnoxious and take the piss. I think he went to kiss me to shut the hell up, but it was at that moment when I felt the teeniest drop of something go into my nose. This caused me to laugh even harder and rip the piss even more. Fortunately The Contender does have balls, because despite my silliness, he went for the kill and kissed me shortly after.

The End.

Just joking!

It was just kissing. I was very well behaved. Sorry, we were very well behaved. He was a complete gentleman and I left him on my couch a while later, with a nice big grin on my face. I think it's very safe to say that I will be having another 'date' and that last night was a resounding success.

I spoke to my mum earlier who is delighted that I'm dating. I told her that I've seen sense about MBF, who she really likes. She made a very valid point when she said 'NML, if you could have your cake and eat it too, wouldn't you?' She's not defending his behavior, I think she's trying to explain the psychology behind it.

Fortunately, I have other things to think about, such as The Contender and the fact that I am supposed to meeting my friend in 35 minutes to go out for dinner and dancing later, and if I don't move my batty, I will be in serious trouble. As a result, I will respond to yesterdays comments tomorrow. And before anyone asks, I might be seeing The Contender tomorrow. I must point out that it's not just because he likes the show The Contender, but also because he is really nice and could be end up being a serious contender with me.

Have a good weekend!

Oh the Shame

Well normality has been restored and I am back in my flat, and the fabulous thing is that I just about managed not to lose my temper with the goons that are my maintenance people. When I found myself having the following conversation:

NML: You can understand why I'm not happy, I mean for Gods sake i can't even live in my own flat at the moment.
Goon: You can't live in the flat? Why can't you do that?
NML: Oh, I don't know............ I might want to, you know....use the toilet, wash my hash my hair, have a shower...............

They turned the water back on early yesterday evening, so when I arrived home sozzled just before midnight I wanted to hug my flat with joy. I went to a leaving do in a grotty pub in Soho last night, and had a great time. Living up to my to my more chilled persona, I chatted away to various male work colleagues that I don't fancy in the slightest. To emphasise how much this is true, I offered to do a 'Work Totty Exchange Programme' where I exchange male work colleagues with another single friend from a different work place.

I am sitting here with my face flushed from a seriously embarrassing moment. Most of my work colleagues (100 or so from my dept) gathered for the leaving speech. We were all laughing away when I heard something I really didn't want to hear and I found myself ducking for cover.
Speechmaker: There are a lot of people that will miss X here. Last night, NML was telling us how she was gutted to be losing one of the Top 5 Totty from work.

Cue the entire floor p*ssing themselves laughing whilst I felt my whole body break out in a horrid flush. John luxuriated in this moment by pulling me out of my hiding place. I thought my embarrassment would end there, but one of the last things said was:

Speechmaker: And we can't forget that NML was upset about losing one of her Top 5 Totty but she told us that at least she still has [My bosses name inserted here]!
NML: That's not true! The last bit that is!

When it was all over, I went and said farewell to Leaving Boy and told off the speechmaker for shaming me. As I walked away I heard:

Leaving Boy: By the way, thanks NML for calling me Top 5 Totty. I must give you that tenner.
NML: That's alright! Slip it to me later.

I froze as I realised what I had said and looked at the the guys doubled up laughing. Monday is a new day...........

Oh and because I spoke to a colleague with ginger hair for ages last night, my childish male colleagues bought a packet of Ginger Nuts biscuits and offered them to me. All afternoon.

On a better note, I am dashing home to get ready to go for dinner with The Guy. I will be back with the full story tomorrow!