The F*ckwit Has a Name. Yeah, It's F*ckwit.

I think it's safe to say that things with the doctor are over. I spoke with F*ckwit this evening and whilst I didn't expect him to rollover and apologise, I did expect that he would realise that enough had been said and agree to disagree and respect my opinion. Instead he chose to lecture and preach to me again on HIS opinion on alternative medicine and how he was 'sick of people like this' who don't have any balance about medicine. He went on and on and one for over 30 minutes and despite the fact that I made it very clear that I did not appreciate how he spoke to me on Monday and that I felt enough had been said, he just couldn't leave it at that.

My disease isn't something that I can just take off and leave behind in my flat when it suits me. It unfortunately comes part and parcel with me, and the people who I consider to be friends, my family and certainly the man that I am dating need to respect that and accept it, and it doesn't mean that they can't have an opinion that differs to mine. I am making the choices that suit me. My treatment and the avenues I pursue are personal to me, and quite frankly, I don't want to be lectured on people being stuffed with immunosuppressants, people that die, and being told that it's OK for me to do what's best for me and that if I want to think that my alternative therapy is helping me, then I should go on thinking that. I mean, how bloody patronising is that?

I didn't choose to have this disease and treating me like I'm an imbecile that has been kidnapped by some voodoo kings is rude. He has not spent ONE day with this disease. I've been traipsing in and out of hospitals for over two years and I have been sick for almost four. I had eye specialists when I thought I was gonna end up losing my sight, I've got more doctors than I can shake a stick at in the chest clinic, plus a dermatologist, plus my own GP, plus the kinesiologist, plus the acupuncturist. Trust me, I have balance.

The way he spoke to me both today and on Monday was as if I had personally offended him because I didn't put 100% investment in medicine.

I don't need someone who just wants to hear the sound of his own voice and doesn't know when to take off the white coat and be human. He fails to understand that the reason that I am pissed off with him isn't because he has an opinion; it's because of the way he spoke to me through lecturing and preaching, his inability to know when to quit, his assumption that his opinion is actually that important to me, him patronising me about my choices, and his complete inability to be supportive because he's too busy trying to prove his medical knowledge.

When I phoned him on Monday, I was calling to catch up with the man that I've been dating and to have a friendly conversation. I didn't have a f*cking hotline to the spokesperson for the NHS and every other health system in the world. Sometimes you just need to be a friend. You don't have to be right. You don't have to ram your opinion down someones throat. You can just be supportive. There is nothing that he said that couldn't have been said in under five minutes.

I told him straight that if he thinks that because he rolls up to London once a week and talks a hell of a lot, that it gives him the right to make assumptions about me or speak to me in this manner, it doesn't. It seems that I struck where it hurts because he got angry when I told him that his need to control every situation and spout his opinions is annoying and it won't kill him to let someone else speak for half of the time. He claims he's been accused of this several times and it's all lies and that he had been monitoring the conversation and I had been talking. "I think it's safe to say that there is nothing else left to say" I said, in disbelief that he could be so childish. "I..er..ok" he said. "Bye" I said and I hung up. What a f*ckwit!

So that's that. Am I upset? A little, but that's more from frustration. I had my doubts, particularly with him living away during the week and me being bored by that already. I don't think I have been too harsh on him although I'm sure people will tell me if they disagree! And that's ok!

I seriously need a taste transplant when it comes to men. I think I'm a danger to myself. I really need to stop being around self-obsessed unavailable men. My mother is going to have heart failure when she finds out that I've binned off the doctor, particularly since she is over here visiting family at the moment and has probably been saying far too much....

Is there a guy out there for me? Sometimes I wonder......Ah well! Time to jump back in the saddle!