So I Can Still Get Chatted Up EVEN With The Bambino
It's possible that I have been misguided in thinking that my days of being chatted up are over, after all, I don't seem to give off that vibe that used to draw in every Tom, Dick, and Harry that fancied their chances. The sight of the bambino and my mammoth boobs full of milk should scare off any bloke...but of course, I do draw in the nutters....
This guy started talking to me in the station today and as usual, despite being a bitch under many circumstances, I become Miss Nice when I'm cornered in public. Well at least initially anyway... You'd think that me not really responding to his questions and gazing at the bambino with my usual besotted face would be enough to scare him off, but he continued to make conversation with me and then asked if I'd like to go for a coffee. I stared at him in disbelief and focused my full attention on him. "Are you taking the mick?" I said looking pointedly from him to the bambino.
"I..er...no. I just thought that..."
I cut him off. "You thought what exactly? I'm in a relationship....OBVIOUSLY!"
"Oh...I'm sorry...It's just that you don't have on a wedding ring..."he said looking very apologetic and bemused.
I burst out laughing. "Oh I'm sorry that me having a child out of wedlock has confused you! Last I checked it's 2007...not 1907..." I wisecracked.
He laughed nervously and then there was an uncomfortable silence. "Well I'll be off then...Bye...It was nice talking to you..." He's obviously too nice for his own good as I had blatantly taken the piss out of him.
I said goodbye distractedly because at that moment the bambino scrunched up her face and made the revving car noise that signals that she's squeezing out farts....Why couldn't she have done that a few moments earlier?
This guy started talking to me in the station today and as usual, despite being a bitch under many circumstances, I become Miss Nice when I'm cornered in public. Well at least initially anyway... You'd think that me not really responding to his questions and gazing at the bambino with my usual besotted face would be enough to scare him off, but he continued to make conversation with me and then asked if I'd like to go for a coffee. I stared at him in disbelief and focused my full attention on him. "Are you taking the mick?" I said looking pointedly from him to the bambino.
"I..er...no. I just thought that..."
I cut him off. "You thought what exactly? I'm in a relationship....OBVIOUSLY!"
"Oh...I'm sorry...It's just that you don't have on a wedding ring..."he said looking very apologetic and bemused.
I burst out laughing. "Oh I'm sorry that me having a child out of wedlock has confused you! Last I checked it's 2007...not 1907..." I wisecracked.
He laughed nervously and then there was an uncomfortable silence. "Well I'll be off then...Bye...It was nice talking to you..." He's obviously too nice for his own good as I had blatantly taken the piss out of him.
I said goodbye distractedly because at that moment the bambino scrunched up her face and made the revving car noise that signals that she's squeezing out farts....Why couldn't she have done that a few moments earlier?
Labels: chat ups
7 Comments:
Revving car noise!!! Hahaha!! I'm gonna remember that one!!
Aww he was just being friendly! He probably loves kids ..but yeah he might of been a psycho who likes to stalk mothers of new borns...
Bet he's well traumatised..you've rpobably scarred him for life. Think..he might have dating problems for the rest of his life now..
:D
Lauren
LOL! Poor fella. Plus, the little bambino gave him the "Gas Face."
NML,
You are ignoring a *BUNCH* of cues that you are giving off.
1) Single mom. Often isolated, thus quite desperate for attention and affection. Thus the 'no ring' comment.
2) Baby = fertile. You have bred, you may well shag again, why shouldn't every willy in view start stiffening, just in case?
3) You are fertile. You and your baby are giving off homey smells. That is way more erotic than, say, farted-on-train seating. Plus there are the pheromones assuring you get attention so the human species gets another bambino started right away. Nature is relentless.
4) You smiled at the bambino. Duh -- that is a *smile*. A girl smiles and willy's start stiffening. How can you overlook this essential of 'attracting bozos'?? Look at any old english movie. The nanny with the baby is always looking quite forbidding, or maybe just constipated. Look at any movie with a smiling blonde - how often does a smile catch a shag? Hmm?
5) You didn't mention this, but the only scent on the two of you was clean diaper and baby powder, right??
In the future, carry a whoopie cushion so you have the sound effects when you need them. Maybe carry some chewing tobacco to offer the bum.
little bambino was a bit slow to her mum's rescue.... gotta get her to fart on demand.... love the story. peace and love, ananda
funny! I came from your site, baggage claim. I like your writing. Baggage Claim is excellent, by the way. Not single or anything, just like interesting reads
I almost feel sorry for the guy....almost...
It's because you look like Jenna Jameson...
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