A few years ago, back in my single days, I bought an exercise video which I used a few times...OK...I won't lie...I used it once...and then it gathered dust until a couple of days ago when I decided that I really must start doing some exercise. I was just about to order a new dvd (there are just so many to choose from and 99.9% of them done by Z list celebrities who probably had one of those gastro ringy things put in) when I remembered that I actually own several exercise DVDs...all used once...or not at all...
Exercise and I don't really mix. Until I was 27, I had only ever been to a gym once and it was to get my nails done and have a sauna on my 18th birthday. Then I took steroids for my sarcoidosis and gained a lorra lorra water and decided that I had to join the gym. I lasted three months and as soon as it got warm and I kept getting invited to pubs in Soho and pretty much anywhere that involved me not doing any exercise but getting drunk, I stopped going. Then I got sick again and I couldn't actually do very much without being in pain so I cancelled the gym membership.
Roll on almost three years and I've had a c-section (HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN I'VE HAD A C-SECTION? is my favourite line for when I want to escape being in trouble for something with the boyf) and I kept forgetting to do the exercises. The bambino did her best to suck the weight out of me via my breasts but unfortunately I am now responsible for getting a flattish stomach again.
The trouble is that I like food and I live about a three minute walk from Waitrose which is as bad as living close to a Marks and Spencer. I don't do starving, I don't do boring food, and I don't do exercise. Have I mentioned that there is a gym on my corner? I look out the window each day and think "Hmmm, maybe I should join the gym?" and then I take a bite of Waitrose Millionaire Shortbread or my Mars Icecream and think "Ah f*ck it..."
But it's a bit annoying being my old size (size UK 8) with a gut. I've gotten very good at sucking in my tummy. 4 days of hard labour at work (clearly I'm piss taking about the hard labour) got me very practised at hiding my baby tummy.
So stretching to a DVD seemed like a great idea but it seems I am doomed never to exercsise. I put it in the XBox 360 this morning and went straight to the warm up and exercise routine and the fecking thing said "attempting to read the disc". So after waiting a few minutes, I put it on the introduction. This turned out to be a good idea as it shows you some of the basic moves but I realised I'd forgotten to put my trainers on when I kicked out with my leg, brought it back down, and slid across the floor in a split like manouver because I was doing it in my woollen slippers....
Then it froze again on the warm up...
I took it out of the fecking Xbox, wiped the scratches and put it back in. For the next five minutes it wouldn't even get off the title screen until I realised that I'd absentmindedly picked up a different Xbox controller which wasn't turned on so of course I couldn't change anything on the screen.
It froze again so I thought I'd surf the net for a few minutes whilst the bambino rolled around my feet. Then FINALLY fifteen minutes later, the warm up decided to come to life. I leapt up excitedly but seconds later, Micah Bo (some dodgy black guy in too tight cycling shorts and a dodgy vest showing his pecs) went into slow motion robot moves and his instructions started to sound like a robot on its last legs.
"OH F*CK IT! I GIVE UP!" I yelled to no-one and then remembered that the bambino was there.
So it seems I am destined never to exercise. Either that or I need to root out another dvd...
In the meantime, the bambino has been taxing me by throwing up on my mobile phone, pulling the lamp down, refusing to have her lunch, having a hissy fit, refusing to nap, and breaking my chain....
Thursday, January 10, 2008
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6 comments:
NML, Some of the wisest words I can recall about weight. The time to take off 10 pounds - is when you first gain it. It gets much worse underneath another 10. Much, much worse.
One secret is to eat more veggies and fruits, drink more (plain) water, although heating the water is OK.
Another is - get bigger plates. And take smaller portions. You don't feel bad about not filling a platter, so the habit of always taking a heaping helping is easier to step around. Taking smaller helpings lets you get that first taste, which is all you really need of the 'special' treats.
Walking, weight work (get a pair of 1 kilo hand weights; when they get too easy doing a bunch of things 20 times, get a set of 1.5 k's and follow the 20 reps with the 1k's with the 1.5k's. Then add 2k's. It will make a difference, don't forget movements above the shoulders and out to the sites. Simple, many things you can do on the edge of the bed, before you have to really wake up.
When I hurt my back in the Navy they gave me a little half-page slip with 4 pregnant lady exercises - pull one knee to your chest, count 5, alternate, and repeat 25 times. Then pull both knees. Then, with knees bent and feet flat to the floor, push down with your lower back, hold for count of five, and release, repeat 25 times. This was US Navy dependents, the sadists seemed hung up on 25 times. The fourth you will love - it will *really* help tighten the tummy. Again flat on the back, knees bent and feet flat - do a partial situp. Touch fingers to knees (center of the top of the joint as you raise up), count to five, repeat 25 times. Just tell yourself it only *feels* uncomfortable!
And, sadly, I believe two hours if uninterrupted housework counts as aerobic (heart healthy) exercise.
And I really hope you get more use out of this information that I do. I do the back exercises when I just can't seem to walk anymore, they really help. The weight exercises helped me recover when I screwed my knee up this spring, both the hand weights and some light ankle weights I got.
One local radio station carries a John Tesh program Saturday mornings. One little snippet is that people that eat a light lunch (not skip!) tend to eat less all day. That people that eat a large lunch are less likely to be satisfied with their lunch (mid day meal). Sadly, this seems to be true, also.
Caffeinated drinks, commercial sodas and snack foods all compete for quickly-identified tastes. Not a good taste, just overpowering compared to natural flavors. Avoid the sugars, the chocolates, the caramels and sodas, and the rest of your food will seem more enjoyable. Kinda like turning down the rock bands in flavor, to hear the bambino's first words, flavor-wise, that is.
You might take the bambino in a stroller around a block or ten. In a few weeks, maybe switch to a backpack or front carrier for a stroll. Or a jog..
Blessed be!
Excellent advice Brad.
NML, after No1 son was born (c-section) Wifey really ballooned, she wasn't happy but kind of accepted it as we knew there would be more children to come. Now after 3 kids she is back to being a petite size 8. Apparently it is harder to lose post pregnancy weight if you've had a c-section, also apparently breast feeding really helps to lose it. No1 son was a section and was bottle fed (his choice, not Wifey's) but N0's 2 & 3 were both natural birth and preferred their milk on draught. Not only did Wifey put on less weight but she lost it and more afterwards.
One last thing make sure you deep fry that Mars bar in batter!
You know you're not alone. I have a gym membership that is going to waste. I rarely go and yet they take the money out of my account every month...i'm too darn lazy!
I go to a Py As You Go Gym...
I'm happy to pay
I just never go!!
:D
omg, im really sorry but when you wrote the baby threw up on your phone it had me in stitches.
Try another dvd, go on :) Don't just put it down to a "sign" because the stupid Xbox screwed up
(it was the Xbox cause those things ar ethe devil's creation) :)
this post had me rolling!!! i love it!
i'm trying to get back in shape, too, NML. i can feel your pain and frustration!
wonderful new boyfriend + cooking for new boyfriend + watching tv with new boyfriend - gym - healthy eating = FAT VB!!!
aaaarrrgh!
This post is great. I congratulate the author.
Regards
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