I haven't been on friendly terms with my neighbours since I moved away from Dublin about seven years ago. In Dublin, people know if you fart in a different way to the way you did the day before and everyone feels like they know everyone. The whole neighbourly thing is just not the done thing in London where it's a cardinal sin to ask a stranger for directions nevermind acknowledge that there are people living next door to you. It is OK to fart like a trooper without saying pardon on public transport though but that's a whole other story...
Since we've been doing country living on the edge of London though, it's starting to feel like I know half the town. I can rarely leave the house without bumping into someone I know and it's kind of fun. People wave to you when you walk by the shops and they know me quite well in Waitrose because I can't stop going in the place...OK that and the fact that I threw up all over their store, keeled over, and writhed in agony in their first aid room.
Anyway...a few weeks ago I had to go and see my new neighbour because I was p*ssed of about them piling up lots of bins outside the side of our house. We ended up chatting and I forgot about it till yesterday when I opened the front door and he said "Do you remember that time when you said if there was anything we needed, I should just call over?"
I stared at him blankly and a thought popped into my head. "I was kinda thinking cup of sugar territory..."
"Er yes..."I said warily.
"Well we need you!" and he launched into a rather long story about how his girlfriend had hurt her neck, he'd called an ambulance, now they were back home but she couldn't do very much.
"Basically, can you go over there in about half an hour and put the kids to bed?" They're one and two and a half.
It took a few moments for the request to connect with my brain and I could feel myself blinking furiously and my face flushing. He stared at me with an imploring look.
"I..er...yes...OK" I said in false bravado.
I admit...there was a moment when I wondered if it was all a ploy and I was going to be sold into slavery. I phoned the boyf up and explained what had happened and suggested my theory. I was greeted with silence. "OK, OK...maybe not slavery but they better not be any of those freaky deaky country people that get you to put your keys in the bowl and get swinging...." More silence and then him making me promise I'd call as soon as I got home. Ah, maybe he was worried!
Half an hour later, the bambino was hovering by his kids bedroom door as the one year old shrieked the place down like there was some heap of murderation going down. Wrestling with me as I tried to carry her to the bedroom, I actually didn't know whether to laugh or throw myself on the floor. The bambino, normally one to be walking along by guiding herself around the furniture or emptying out the drawers, eyed me suspiciously.
As I finally managed to get the one year old into not one, but two sleepsuits (I had no idea some people dress their babies like this!), the bambino went into meltdown mode and started slapping my leg as if to say "Get your frickin hands off that baby!"
I was glad I was able to help out but my God it was stressful and awkward! The kids had no idea who the hell I was? The two and a half year old would start shrieking when I so much as even attempted to walk towards her cot! I was mor-ti-fied!
When I got home, I packed the bambino off to bed and had a glass of wine to mellow myself. How do I get myself in these situations?
On another note, an email from HMV has just notified me that my Wii Fitness will be arriving within 5 days! Yay!
On a totally different note, my ma ended the Cold War and came to visit last Thursday. The joys of having a baby mean that mamas with grudges have to let go of them if they want to see their grandchild! She keeps saying "It's ages since you've been around to visit" Er, yeah I know! You were frickin blanking me for nearly five weeks hence the lack of visits! Mothers!
5 comments:
Hang on, let me make sure I understand this, your neighbour asked you to put his kids to bed because the girlfriend was hurt. Why the f*** couldn't he do it?
What is wrong with these people?, to ask a stranger to put your kids in bed begars belief.
Mind you, the swinging could be fun!
Are you fucking serious??????
The neighbor thing is crazy, but it's great that your mother is back to visit! So, the walls came tumbling down. :)
I can't believe he asked you to put their kids to bed? Is he a complete numpty or what?! I think I would've told him where to go!!
xx
As it happens I've been a bit tired this week and and I think Wifey might be going out on friday so if you could just pop round and bath the boys, read them their stories and put them to bed that would be grand, and I can catch up on episodes of Torchwood. Thanks.
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