Is it crack or is it foot in mouth disorder?

Sometimes I have to wonder if I am on crack...

"You know you're gonna have to stop worrying about being organised before the baby arrives because babies have a way of killing that off..." I wisecracked to our pregnant friends husband.

"Why?" interjected our party host. "Who's having a baby? Are you having a baby?" she exclaimed.

The boyf fell around laughing as the husband admitted that they are pregnant and I felt my face flush.

"OH.F*CK" I said with an embarrassed giggle. "I thought everyone knew!"
"Well they do now!"wisecracked the boyf.
"Oh shut up!" I laughed as I silently vowed not to put my foot in my mouth again.

I blame pregnancy. I'm not pregnant before anyone gets the wrong idea but ever since I got up the duff, my brain has mushy moments and my well heeled size four feet get stuck in my mouth from time to time.

Like when I accidentally revealed to the boyf's brother that myself and his ex girlfriend (one of my best friends MB) must have been dissecting his girlfriend's that followed her when I overheard him talking to the boyf about bumping into some ex of his.

Unable to shut up, I burst in with "Oh is that the white one?" and the two of them stared at me incredulously. I was heavily pregnant and for a moment I did consider trying to hide myself out of sheer embarrassment until I realised that was nigh on impossible with my humoungous bump.

"Who told you that?!" his brother demanded with a broad grin as the boyf fell around laughing.

I did what I do in any situation where I'm nervous and broke into clutching your sides giggles. I couldn't speak because I was laughing so hard as I tried to think of how I was going to extricate myself out of admitting that MB used to fill me in on the latest woman he was dating.

"I..ur...um...it was a guess...." I finally managed to squeeze out which only made the two of them laugh even harder. "OK, FINE! MB told me!" I admitted.

On the way home in the car, the boyf was still cracking up laughing and taking the piss out of me.

"I'm pregnant for f*cks sake! Of course I can't hold in information! Mor-ti-fi-f*cking-cation!" I wailed. I told MB about it and she thought it was hilarious thankfully!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at another recent ridiculous incident....

So I'm lost in the street and I turned around to look for someone to ask for directions and seeing some feet coming towards me, I say without looking at the person yet, "Excuse me! Do you know where...." and as I said the words, my eyes moved up their body to see their face and I became momentarily frozen with shock as I realised that my nightmare was coming true. I had bumped into my stalker in the street! And asked them for directions! You couldn't make this sh*t up!

I have to go. I'm hungover like a mofo and in desperate need of some dinner. I have been out THREE nights in a row and the boyf has described me as a "rebellious drunk", which I guess must be true because I bollocked the bouncer at the bar, accusing him of sexual discrimination for finding a taxi for the lads but not the girls....

Oh and the bambino is going to be one on Saturday! Yay! Back soon!